Vicarious Living

The Internet is a wonderful invention; I love and adore it--perhaps too much, and the world would not be the place that it is today without it, for better or for worse. It began as an information sharing medium, and while there are many purposes other than this that it is used for today, this is still one of the main purposes of its existence. Whether you are trying to figure out a personal stance on Global Warming, or simply wondering how to make those chocolate chip cookies you had when you were a kid, you can almost certainly find this information on the internet. While facts and directions are easily found on the internet, people are also looking to find affection from others by putting their lives out in the open for people to see.

Blogs and Vlogs (weB LOGs and Video LOGs, respectively) are perfect examples of this--people putting their lives on display for the world to examine. Have you ever watched a vlog? No, I dont mean occasionally going onto YouTube and skimming through videos that come up wherin people gripe about their parents, teenage romances, celebreties, school, and work. I mean really following someone through the journey of their life. Beleive it or not, this is an extremely fascinating experience. Most vlogs started off simply as a person telling their feelings to the camera, much in the same way that a person would write in their journal, or type out their feelings on a blog before publishing it, but for some people this developed into a much more sophisticated thing.

The first vlogger that I first encountered was a man by the handle of ShayCarl. I had never experienced anything such as what he was doing before; he was filming his family and himself every single day for an entire year--bringing the viewer along for a very personal ride in his own life. While I cant say for sure whether or not he was the first person to do this or not, this certainly had a profound effect on my life. He would carry the camera around with him when he was going to the store, to church, to work, and most amazingly of all, we met his family through the camera. While he wasnt being filmed 24/7, he gave us a taste of his life and I fell in love with him, his wife, his kids and even his dog; I felt like I was there and an important part of his life. I would sign on every day wondering what today's experience with him would be, not caring if it was a family gathering, or even a simple trip to the grocery store.

There are many famous YouTube vloggers today: SxePhil, ShayCarl, LisaNova, KassemG to name a few, and I began to follow them daily. Many of these people were great friends with each other over the internet, and to make a long story short, some of them actually uprooted their lives to move into the same town and became even closer. They began to produce videos together and as I watched them in their daily interactions, I could tell that they were so happy. They were spontaneous people who had a sense of adventure and a willingness to try new things and to tell me about it through their vlogs. I still felt apart of their lives, but I had a creeping feeling in the back of my mind.

I had devoted a large amount of my own personal time to these people. I had invested in their families and in them emotionally by sharing the same experiences. They have no idea who I am. This hit me like a brick one day when I was daydreaming over what would occur if I ever happened to meet ShayCarl. I could go up to him and reminisce with him about all the great times we had together, but in reality they were his great times, not mine. Unless by chance our paths were intertwined in the future he would forget who I was probably minutes after we met, and while he has had an impact on my life, I have had none on his; it hurts to be worthless to someone who means so much to you.

I dont follow vloggers seriously any more; occasionally I will sign on and watch a couple of their latest videos, but after a few minutes I get that sinking feeling deep in my stomach, the knowing that I am not really a part of these happy and fantastic people's lives no matter how many videos of theirs I watch. While I would someday love to meet these people and to tell them that they are my friends and that they have effected me emotionally, I am scared of the realization that they dont care about me. I wonder how many others there are out there like me who are neglecting their own lives to watch these vloggers experiences. It is time that we, the viewers, go experience lives that are ours, and make friends who will invest in us in return, and share memories that are not one-sided. It is time to stop living through others and have great times of our own.