Grace

I strive to live a good life, but I am imperfect--I get that. Not merely in my behaviors, but in my thoughts and desires as well. While the life that I live is imperfect, I can say that I havn't really made any decisions in my life that I regret. I mean sure--there are things that I wished never happened just cause they were awkward or embarrassing, but I have never made any choice that, after reflecting on them, have just made me feel hopless, lost, and ashamed.

I hear stories of how people's were changed by divine intervention, and I am jealous for a similar touch. Unfortunately, for that similiar touch, I need a similiar life to be touched. I don't have it. Going back to the start of the first paragraph, I know that I am imperfect and I do need grace for the imperfections that I do have, but I sometimes feel like there has been a gift given to other people that I have not tasted. The grace they have received is beautiful and bountiful, and I have but a skimpy amount.

I havn't really felt grace in my life in the amount that I hear my friends talking about, or in the stories of people whose lives have been drastically turned. I don't want to make mistakes so huge that I need this grace, but I still want to see it and feel it. With that grace given, there would come a knowledge that a loving sacrifice was made on my behalf. The fact that someone cares about me--maybe that's what I want to feel.

People tell me that I am lucky to have been raised the way that I was raised and that I beleived the things that I beleive from such a young age. But maybe they, who now have seen, are the lucky ones.

It almost feels like a curse, to not be able to taste grace.