In my "Too Much Time Together" post, I didn't give enough credit to the old people. Granted, they are cranky and old, and yell a lot, and sometimes smell, and could be nicer, but I often forget:
They were babies once: they cried and needed food and their diapers changed, completely dependent on the people that brought them into the world.
They were toddlers once: Getting their teeth, learning to walk and talk and not make messes in their pants
They were children once: Running and playing, skinning knees and getting kisses from their mothers. They ate candy and climbed fences, rode bikes and slept under the stars, went to school and found out new things about life.
They were teens once: Getting yelled at by their parents, getting crushes and boyfriends and girlfriends and rejections and zits and hair in weird places and having their voices crack. They stayed up late and Toilet-papered houses, made new friends, felt depressed sometimes, inspired other times, and yelled at their parents.
They were in their 20's once: Feeling lost, moving out of the house, going to college, road tripping, getting jobs, falling in love and getting married; defining the kind of person that they were going to be for the rest of their lives.
They were parents once: waking up to crying babies in the night, changing diapers and feeding them, helping their children walk and talk and taking them to school. They yelled at their kids, and got yelled at by their kids, loved their kids and helped to shape the kind of people their kids would be. They fought with their spouses about how the children should be raised, and how finances should be managed, and still managed to stick together and find love through it all. They watched their kids move out, and go to college and have children of their own.
And as their own children's children grew up, suddenly they felt more isolated; left by the ones that they sacrificed so much for. As their bodies failed more and more, their knees and backs gave, their lungs weakened, they are less mobile, unable to even take care of themselves. They sit, unable to be the person that they were earlier in their life. They sit with nothing but their memories and an inability to even take care of themselves.
They are helpless.
They are alone.
I can see why they are bitter.
I was a baby once, crying and needing food, having my diapers changed, completely dependent on my parents. I was a toddler once, getting my teeth and learning to walk and talk and yes, not make a mess in my pants. I was a child once, running and playing and skinning my knees and getting kisses from my mother. Eating candy and climbing fences, riding bikes and sleeping under the stars; going to school and learning more about life. I was a teen once, getting yelled at by my parents, getting crushes and rejections and zits and hair in weird places and having my voice crack; toilet-papering houses, making new friends, feeling depressed sometimes, inspired other times, and yelling at my parents.
I have so many more memories I could put, but it would go on for hours and hours. So many important things and so many mundane things that are still important to me. I couldn't fit all my childhood, and teenage, and young adult memories on to this page, nor even remember them all at one go. I would start, and then remember more and more and more, and then finally forget the things that I had remembered to remember at the beginning because there is so much to remember. I might go crazy if I tried to remember my whole life at once. As I look back, the things I cared about so much as a child are meaningless, and the trials I faced then are so easy now. All the small things that I don't even think about on a daily basis are amazing, and I do miss them. They helped me to figure out who I am now.
And so, I go to college, and sometimes feel lost, and go on road trips, and have jobs, and am moving out, but there is so much more ahead of me. Unfathomable things. And ordinary things. Things I have to do, and things I want to do. Things I am dreading doing and things that are part of living a normal life.
When I get to the end of my life, I just hope that someone is still around who understands me. Someone who knows that I didn't used to only be a stinky smelly, crazy old man. Perhaps that person will keep me sane and I won't turn into the kind of old person that I see around me all the time.
I don't want to be helpless, bitter, or alone.
I want to be different.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Stories
There is a guy at my place of employment who tells way too many stories. Apparently, he used to be a Seabee, and never ceases to remind us. Every time he sees something, it reminds him of a story, and he HAS to tell it. He will go on for hours throughout the day, just telling us of his experiences. I have come to expect to hear the drone of his voice as I am working, and if I don't hear it--it is now uncomfortably quiet. He literally will re-tell the same story over and over, multiple times in a day.
You might think that an ex-military man has some interesting stories. Yea, sure--he has some interesting ones here and there, but most of them are pointless stories that aren't even funny and have no meaning. Most of them, I guess you just had to be there.
He is a walking memoir. He always uses the names of the people too, like we should know who they are. Sometimes his stories are a sentence, and sometimes a movie could be adapted from it. Lots of times he will just change the subject to tell a completely irrelevant story, or make extremely vague connections to a story that he just wants to tell.
Now don't get me wrong; I love telling stories too. I have lots of stories. I could tell you HOURS of stories of things that happened to me. Maybe 5 hours. That's a lot of story telling. Well, actually, considering the fact that I only have a few hours of stories for my nearly 23 years of life (as of today, I have been alive for approximately 201157.584 hours [that means that 5 hours is ~1/40,000th of my current lifespan]), it's kind of unimpressive, but still--I have more stories than most people.
Personally, I get super excited when I start to tell a story. When people are listening, it makes me feel like people actually care about the things that happened to me. I feel like they actually are interested in the experiences that have shaped me as a person; interested in me. Of course, more often than not, I get to the end of this amazing story that I have been building up for 5 minutes and there is a FANTASTIC ending, and I say it, and the person or people that I was telling the story to are completely uninterested. Sometimes they aren't even listening and sometimes they stand there, completely not understanding the humor of the story, or the impact that it had on my life. It sucks when, something that is important to you, is unaccepted by others.
Maybe that's how this guy feels. He feels alone and is trying to tell the stories of his life so that people will hear them, and become interested and by them, and then become interested in the person that he is.
I mean, personally, I usually like hearing the stories that other people tell. I like to try to imagine what they were feeling and why they made the choices they did, and sometimes put myself in their shoes. Not everyone does though. Most people are too self-centered.
Bluntly put, most people just don't care about the stories that you have to tell, because the story isn't about them.
You might think that an ex-military man has some interesting stories. Yea, sure--he has some interesting ones here and there, but most of them are pointless stories that aren't even funny and have no meaning. Most of them, I guess you just had to be there.
He is a walking memoir. He always uses the names of the people too, like we should know who they are. Sometimes his stories are a sentence, and sometimes a movie could be adapted from it. Lots of times he will just change the subject to tell a completely irrelevant story, or make extremely vague connections to a story that he just wants to tell.
Now don't get me wrong; I love telling stories too. I have lots of stories. I could tell you HOURS of stories of things that happened to me. Maybe 5 hours. That's a lot of story telling. Well, actually, considering the fact that I only have a few hours of stories for my nearly 23 years of life (as of today, I have been alive for approximately 201157.584 hours [that means that 5 hours is ~1/40,000th of my current lifespan]), it's kind of unimpressive, but still--I have more stories than most people.
Personally, I get super excited when I start to tell a story. When people are listening, it makes me feel like people actually care about the things that happened to me. I feel like they actually are interested in the experiences that have shaped me as a person; interested in me. Of course, more often than not, I get to the end of this amazing story that I have been building up for 5 minutes and there is a FANTASTIC ending, and I say it, and the person or people that I was telling the story to are completely uninterested. Sometimes they aren't even listening and sometimes they stand there, completely not understanding the humor of the story, or the impact that it had on my life. It sucks when, something that is important to you, is unaccepted by others.
Maybe that's how this guy feels. He feels alone and is trying to tell the stories of his life so that people will hear them, and become interested and by them, and then become interested in the person that he is.
I mean, personally, I usually like hearing the stories that other people tell. I like to try to imagine what they were feeling and why they made the choices they did, and sometimes put myself in their shoes. Not everyone does though. Most people are too self-centered.
Bluntly put, most people just don't care about the stories that you have to tell, because the story isn't about them.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Something Better
I don't like trying lots of new ice cream flavors. I mean, I don't HATE trying new ice cream flavors, I love almost every kind of ice cream, but I tend to stick with the ones that I know are good. It doesn't mean that I don't know that there are some pretty amazing flavors out there.
It really sucks though when you go to the ice cream shop with a friend 100 times, and every single time they get Vanilla. Now, Vanilla isn't a BAD flavor--but there are so many things that are better than Vanilla. No, not Vanilla. Some AMAZING flavor. Something SUPER GOOD. Insert your own flavor right there. But it goes bad after sitting for too long in the little bucket that they have at Ice Cream shops. It gets all moldy and gross and that shop just won't bring in a new tub of that flavor until the old one is gone. Your friend just keeps on getting that old moldy ice cream and throwing up every time they have it, but they keep getting it because it USED to be good, and they want that good taste again.
Wow, this is a horrible analogy.
Let's start over.
It sucks when you have a friend that is doing something stupid. They know it is stupid, but they don't stop. They know that their situation is horrible but they don't know anything better. When they are dating someone that they hate, and they have broken up with them and gotten back together with them 3 times. In the past 6 months. But they don't know anything better. And they are insecure. And they hate them self for it, and they want something better, and they tried, but they always go back to what they know.
Like a dog to vomit.
They could have any kind of ice cream that they wanted, but they stick with their moldy ice cream, just because it used to be good.
Now I'm all for FIXING what's broken instead of just throwing it away, but some things just can't be fixed.
It kind of sucks though because I've never had that better kind of ice cream, but I can totally tell that it's better than what they have in their hand right now. Almost anything is better than that moldy crap.
What they have in their hand used to be fine, but it's gone bad, and no matter how many sprinkles you put on it, and how many times you put it in the microwave to kill the mold, then try to re-freeze the icecream, it will never be good.
It's easy to tell that, when someone is never happy when they are with the person they are dating, it's time to change something. It just sucks because no matter how many times they text and call you and chat to you asking for advice and telling you how horrible their situation is, and how many times you tell them what they need to do, they just don't do it.
It really sucks though when you go to the ice cream shop with a friend 100 times, and every single time they get Vanilla. Now, Vanilla isn't a BAD flavor--but there are so many things that are better than Vanilla. No, not Vanilla. Some AMAZING flavor. Something SUPER GOOD. Insert your own flavor right there. But it goes bad after sitting for too long in the little bucket that they have at Ice Cream shops. It gets all moldy and gross and that shop just won't bring in a new tub of that flavor until the old one is gone. Your friend just keeps on getting that old moldy ice cream and throwing up every time they have it, but they keep getting it because it USED to be good, and they want that good taste again.
Wow, this is a horrible analogy.
Let's start over.
It sucks when you have a friend that is doing something stupid. They know it is stupid, but they don't stop. They know that their situation is horrible but they don't know anything better. When they are dating someone that they hate, and they have broken up with them and gotten back together with them 3 times. In the past 6 months. But they don't know anything better. And they are insecure. And they hate them self for it, and they want something better, and they tried, but they always go back to what they know.
Like a dog to vomit.
They could have any kind of ice cream that they wanted, but they stick with their moldy ice cream, just because it used to be good.
Now I'm all for FIXING what's broken instead of just throwing it away, but some things just can't be fixed.
It kind of sucks though because I've never had that better kind of ice cream, but I can totally tell that it's better than what they have in their hand right now. Almost anything is better than that moldy crap.
What they have in their hand used to be fine, but it's gone bad, and no matter how many sprinkles you put on it, and how many times you put it in the microwave to kill the mold, then try to re-freeze the icecream, it will never be good.
It's easy to tell that, when someone is never happy when they are with the person they are dating, it's time to change something. It just sucks because no matter how many times they text and call you and chat to you asking for advice and telling you how horrible their situation is, and how many times you tell them what they need to do, they just don't do it.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Too Much Time Together
I don't hate old people. Generally, they are super nice to me. They give me cookies, and sometimes pay me to do yard work for them because they are unable to do it themselves. I have, however, had lots of interactions with them at the places that I work. I am extremely polite to them, and I have noticed that they are extremely polite to me as well (in most cases). The married ones tend to hate each other very much though.
One time when I was working at In-N-Out, a very sweet old couple came up to me at the register. They each politely ordered their food, and nothing was out of the ordinary until it came time to pay. The man pulled out his credit card and started to pay me, and the woman told him that she had cash and to just wait a second. I was in no hurry (because I got payed by the hour) and was patiently waiting, but the man kept insisting that I take the card because she was taking too long to get the money out of her wallet. Well, yes, she was getting EXACT change, but I didn't care. Anyway, they proceeded to literally start hitting each other in the hands and arms to try to make sure that the other person's form of currency wasn't accepted and were scuffling for probably 30 seconds before the lady finally managed to pry the credit card out of the man's hand and throw it on the ground. While he was picking it up, she smiled at me and politely handed me the correct change. I was flabbergasted at the fact that they were actually being physically violent with each other in such a public place.
More recently, I was working at a job where I was packing out a house for a very elderly couple in their 80's. Each of these people on their own was a very polite individual, smiling and being very understanding of the situations that were placed before them. However, on multiple occasions daily, the man would require something of his wife or vice versa. He would yell at her and she would yell back and before you knew it there were profanities being thrown all over the place. "Goddamnit Judy" was the most used term I believe. Sarcastic remarks seemed to be what their conversations were mostly made of, but I couldn't even believe some of the other things he was saying to her. I would never willingly defile the eyes of my readers with them. After they had cursed at each other for a few sentences, they would return back to whatever they were doing like nothing happened.
I hope I don't turn out like that, hating the person that I have been with for a long time. It breaks my heart to see people who have stuck it out for so long simply treating their partner like trash, even in public. Sure, I believe that speaking what is on your mind is very important, but sometimes a tone and vocabulary filter do come in handy.
One time when I was working at In-N-Out, a very sweet old couple came up to me at the register. They each politely ordered their food, and nothing was out of the ordinary until it came time to pay. The man pulled out his credit card and started to pay me, and the woman told him that she had cash and to just wait a second. I was in no hurry (because I got payed by the hour) and was patiently waiting, but the man kept insisting that I take the card because she was taking too long to get the money out of her wallet. Well, yes, she was getting EXACT change, but I didn't care. Anyway, they proceeded to literally start hitting each other in the hands and arms to try to make sure that the other person's form of currency wasn't accepted and were scuffling for probably 30 seconds before the lady finally managed to pry the credit card out of the man's hand and throw it on the ground. While he was picking it up, she smiled at me and politely handed me the correct change. I was flabbergasted at the fact that they were actually being physically violent with each other in such a public place.
More recently, I was working at a job where I was packing out a house for a very elderly couple in their 80's. Each of these people on their own was a very polite individual, smiling and being very understanding of the situations that were placed before them. However, on multiple occasions daily, the man would require something of his wife or vice versa. He would yell at her and she would yell back and before you knew it there were profanities being thrown all over the place. "Goddamnit Judy" was the most used term I believe. Sarcastic remarks seemed to be what their conversations were mostly made of, but I couldn't even believe some of the other things he was saying to her. I would never willingly defile the eyes of my readers with them. After they had cursed at each other for a few sentences, they would return back to whatever they were doing like nothing happened.
I hope I don't turn out like that, hating the person that I have been with for a long time. It breaks my heart to see people who have stuck it out for so long simply treating their partner like trash, even in public. Sure, I believe that speaking what is on your mind is very important, but sometimes a tone and vocabulary filter do come in handy.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Perhaps Just One
Some people care a lot
Lots of people don't care at all
Some people pretend to care
Some people understand lots of things
Lots of people understand some things
Lots of people pretend to understand
Nobody really understands
There are some things you can talk to anyone about
There are lots of things you can't talk to anyone about
There are some things you can talk to some people about
There are lots of things you can talk to lots of people about
There are some people you can't talk to about anything
There aren't very many people you can talk to about anything
I wish I had more people that I could talk to about anything
It's just that not enough people care
It's just that not enough people understand enough
It's just that people pretend
Lining all of the variables up to find someone who you can talk to about anything who understands enough and cares, and doesn't pretend--that's a tough one.
Lots of people don't care at all
Some people pretend to care
Some people understand lots of things
Lots of people understand some things
Lots of people pretend to understand
Nobody really understands
There are some things you can talk to anyone about
There are lots of things you can't talk to anyone about
There are some things you can talk to some people about
There are lots of things you can talk to lots of people about
There are some people you can't talk to about anything
There aren't very many people you can talk to about anything
I wish I had more people that I could talk to about anything
It's just that not enough people care
It's just that not enough people understand enough
It's just that people pretend
Lining all of the variables up to find someone who you can talk to about anything who understands enough and cares, and doesn't pretend--that's a tough one.
Friday, July 6, 2012
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