Regrets

Beleive it or not--I am imperfect. I hate to admit it, but I mess up all the time; sometimes it is a relatively large mistake, but most of the time I look back on it and laugh. While being imperfect, I can truly say that there is nothing huge that I regret in my life. This is definitely not to say that there aren't some things that I wish never happened, or some things that I wish happened differently, or that I don't have curiosity over how some paths in my life could have turned out differently. I can't, however, point to any one particular moment in time and shake my head in disgust at my choice. I never flunked out of highschool, have never been to jail or done anything worthy of spending more than a few hours in the drunk tank, and don't have TOO many kids walking around. I kind of want to keep it that way.

Why am I this way? Most people by my age have screwed up pretty big at least once. I think there are a few reasons, the first being the way I was raised. I was raised to think about my actions and their repercussions on myself and others. Definitely not bad; I wish more people thought like that. The second is because I am a very safe person; I am very calculated and always outweigh the risk for the reward. I don't go out on limbs very often, and when I do, I make sure that I have sent someone else out first.

These traits have saved me a lot of pain, but at the same time I don't think that I have learned all the lessons that I should have learned by my age. Yes, mistakes generally are mistakes because they don't have good outcomes, but they are also learning experiences that can save us from larger mistakes in the future. In a sense, my biggest regret is not taking more chances. Doing more things that I regret. Yes, there is a point at which you must guard your body and your heart and your future from dangerous choices, but whats the point of living safe if you aren't REALLY living. Living isn't about staying locked in a room all day, afraid that something bad might happen. Living is getting out there and screwing up and relying on your friends to drag you out of it once in a while. Living is about figuring out and finding out.

I'm preaching to myself too here. Time to go do some things that I am afraid of. Who knows, I might not regret them after all.