The Human Body

The human body is an eccentric thing. Don't get me wrong, it works pretty darn well for all the stress it is put under. It lasts a decently long time, can repair itself, and any other number of amazing attributes; this doesn't change the fact that it is extremely wierd to look at. Of course, we are around so many people every day that we don't even take a second look at things that we see so often. Perhaps I can change your perspective a little bit.

First off, I think that eyes can be the most beautiful single thing of another person's to see. (Setting aside the things that hormones might prompt a peek at...) Now, to protect these amazing organs, we have eyelids. They are little wrinkly flaps of loose skin that have a fluid on the inside of them to keep the eyes clean. On top of these, you have a few fine hairs called eyelashes. Why is there hair on your skin next to your seeing organs? Then above that, you have eyebrows. 2 Small symmetrical rows of hair above your eyes. (For some people, it isn't two, and isn't symmetrical) Your eyelids are like little windshield wipers and window blinds combined! Imagine you are a creature without eyelids, looking at you as you blink...so strange.

Next we have the ears and the nose. These are basically holes in our body which let in vibrations for sound, and particles for smell. However, they aren't merely holes, they are holes with decoration around them. Why is there a big massive...thing...on the front of our faces just so we can smell? I am sure that we could smell just as well if the holes were half an inch further back in our face instead of sticking out a little bit. For ears, sure...the shape of the ear can help collect sound a little bit better, but why the whole maze thing?

Now the mouth is just another hole like the ears and the nose, but he feels very insufficient as a (w)hole because of his lack of decoration, so he has to overcompensate by lining the skin around his opening with extra skin. These are called lips. I am not exactly sure what function they are supposed to serve, but they sure look funny, especially when really skinny people have huge lips.

Fingers are darn useful, my average WPM for typing would be way lower if my arm just ended in a single point, so I won't talk too much mess on them except for the fact that they have nails on the end. Sure, they are useful for scratching things, and prying things open, but they look funny! Why are they clear? Up until a certain point, that is...then they just turn white.

Hair is a strange one because it is everywhere. It is in so many places, and basically its just a bunch of dead cells that our body doesnt need anymore, but has nostalgic value for them and keeps them around still.

Now we come to that little bit of wrinkly skin on the end of our elbows. These are called wenises. I actually just thought I would throw it in there because it sounds funny. It is wierd to feel though.

On a small side note, I just realized that humans, (with the female gender in particular) like to decorate most of the things mentioned here. Perhaps it is subconciously realized that these things are strange to look at, so painting nails, braiding hair, and peircing ears and other orifices is a way to detract attention from them. I don't find anything particularly wrong with this, it is just intriguing.

Keep in mind that all of these things are very useful to me, and I am very glad that I have them. Without all of these things, our bodies would not function nearly as well as they do. Our bodies do, however look a little silly sometimes. Try looking in the mirror for a few minutes and just study the features of your face. It gets wierder with every minute. Even with all of the things I mentioned, the body is still a beautiful thing. Everything works in cunjunction so wonderfully, I think it can be forgiven for looking a little strange. Take care of it and it will take care of you.

Certain Days

I'm sure you have had those days. The days where you wake up and know its going to be a bad day. Sure enough, the shower never fully heats up, the toaster is broken, you run out of toothpaste, and the bus is 15 minutes late. A horrible day. You walk around doing the things that you know you are supposed to, but all you really want to do is go home and lay in bed so that nothing else bad happens. 2 failed quizzes later, and a still-damp soda stain all over the side of your leg, you sit on the bus just wanting to go home and have a nice dinner. Maybe some more bad things happen, maybe they dont, but as you lay in bed that night, the day's occurances running through your mind, you can't sleep. You are exhausted, and all the bad things continue to take their toll on your mind even as you try to forget them.

Yea, those days suck. However, today wasn't one for me. It was a good day. I had fun, got some sun, hung in excellent company, ate lots of food, took some naps, and I have a brighter outlook on life after some of the day's occurances. Sure, I will have some bad days again in the future--there is no stopping that, but today as I am putting my head on the pillow, I will not toss and turn, regretting the days events. Tired? Yes. Drained? No. These days add to my life, not take away. Today was a satisfying day; I hope I have many more just like it in the future.

Regrets

Beleive it or not--I am imperfect. I hate to admit it, but I mess up all the time; sometimes it is a relatively large mistake, but most of the time I look back on it and laugh. While being imperfect, I can truly say that there is nothing huge that I regret in my life. This is definitely not to say that there aren't some things that I wish never happened, or some things that I wish happened differently, or that I don't have curiosity over how some paths in my life could have turned out differently. I can't, however, point to any one particular moment in time and shake my head in disgust at my choice. I never flunked out of highschool, have never been to jail or done anything worthy of spending more than a few hours in the drunk tank, and don't have TOO many kids walking around. I kind of want to keep it that way.

Why am I this way? Most people by my age have screwed up pretty big at least once. I think there are a few reasons, the first being the way I was raised. I was raised to think about my actions and their repercussions on myself and others. Definitely not bad; I wish more people thought like that. The second is because I am a very safe person; I am very calculated and always outweigh the risk for the reward. I don't go out on limbs very often, and when I do, I make sure that I have sent someone else out first.

These traits have saved me a lot of pain, but at the same time I don't think that I have learned all the lessons that I should have learned by my age. Yes, mistakes generally are mistakes because they don't have good outcomes, but they are also learning experiences that can save us from larger mistakes in the future. In a sense, my biggest regret is not taking more chances. Doing more things that I regret. Yes, there is a point at which you must guard your body and your heart and your future from dangerous choices, but whats the point of living safe if you aren't REALLY living. Living isn't about staying locked in a room all day, afraid that something bad might happen. Living is getting out there and screwing up and relying on your friends to drag you out of it once in a while. Living is about figuring out and finding out.

I'm preaching to myself too here. Time to go do some things that I am afraid of. Who knows, I might not regret them after all.

In the Back of My Mind

Do you ever get the feeling that there are some things that needs to be done; some things that needs to be said? But they can't be done, and can't be said. There is something that just isn't right in the world, and you can't put your finger on it. It needs to be fixed, and whether you know what it is or not, sometimes things just are broken for now. I am just looking to the future, hopefully it turns out fixed.

No whitty remarks or preachy message like usual. Just saying.

Being A Different Person

I am a different person than I was when I was younger. An obvious statement, yes...but why all the changes? It's not just in the fact that I have a larger body, don't gorge myself on chocolate as often, and don't yell as loudly as I used to. When I was very young, I was wild. "Electron" was my nickname because I wouldn't stop running circles around people. As I aged a bit more and went to Junior High and Highschool, I became more timid. Now--well, I have a bit of everything. The experiences that I have had have changed me into the person that I am currently. I will continue to change and evolve as I have more experiences, but having a larger impact on who I am than the events that I have experienced, are the people that I have surrounded myself with.

To be completely honest, I act differently around different people. I'm not saying that around some people I am a Hell's Angel's advocate, and around others I am a philanthropist who can't wait to bake cupcakes for girlscouts to sell. My basic traits are the same, but there are some changes that are more subtle. I realized this around a year ago, and I wasn't too happy with myself. "Am I being fake?" was one of the first things that popped into my mind. I despise hypocrites greatly, and it was rather shocking to see this trait in myself. I have struggeled with this thought for a while now, but have come to the conclusion that I am not being fake--different people just bring out different sides of me. It is true though--some of these sides I like better than others.

After studying myself when meeting new people, I have found that a major factor in how I interact with someone is how I acted when I first met them. Sometimes I can change my behavior around them after I get to know them better, but that doesn't always happen. Around some people I am quieter than others; around some people I let more swear words slip; around some people I am crazier. Around some people I tell sophisticated jokes, around some people I tell one-liners that they still don't understand, and around some people my jokes are rather innapropriate. Around some people I don't care if they see that I'm smart or not, and around some people I try too much to show it. I'm not proud of some of these--but it's the truth.

The real trouble comes when two different groups of people who I interact with differently with come together. I find out who I truly am when the two opposites clash. Lately, however, I have been less concerned with how people view me. This is a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, there certainly is a value to not burning too many bridges in relationships due to the horribly rude behavior that I sometimes exhibit. On the other hand, if the person doesn't like who I am, then that is their perogative. I have no reason to try to change myself to get them to like me, because if I am always trying to change my behavior to please others, than I really will be a fake with no personality. Who I am is all that I have to seperate me from a faceless crowd.

While I am striving to be my own person, there are still certain crowds and certain people that bring out different traits in me. The more that hang around these people, the more of these traits that I exhibit. Who I choose to surround myself with has a large impact on who I am and who I am going to be. I want to surround myself with the people who make me smile, the people who make me try new things, the people who don't judge me and the people who make me confident. Not the people who look down on others, and talk bad about people behind their backs, and indulge too much in the physical vices of earth. Most of all, I want to hang around the people who accept me for who I am, flaws and all, knowing that with time I can conquer them.

What I Want To Be When I Grow Up

Pretend that you are sitting in a room with a child. Not a child so young that they can't understand what you are saying, but also not so old that they have lost their naivety. Striking up a conversation, you look at them and ask them a question. You were asked this question many times as a child, by that awkward Uncle, the caring parent, or the teacher from kindergarten.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

When I was asked this question as a young'n, my answers didn't change very much. "Army man!" I would say, barely glancing up from my Lego's. Or "Police Man!" from my bicycle or "Astronaut!" from my book. Enthusiastic, yes, but impractical. There is nothing wrong with any of these things, in fact I have respect for all of these professions, but as we grow older, we learn more and our tastes change.

As I hit Jr. High and continued into High school, my answer changed from those aforementioned to "Engineer" and "Biologist". Some of these subjects still fascinate me, but as I learned more about them I changed still. Not disinterest, just impracticality. When I got to college, I found out that I still really didn't know what I wanted to be. It was disconcerting.

From Chemistry, to my childhood dream of being a "Police Man" in studying Administration of Justice, to Computer Network Engineering, I have finally landed as an English major. Big dream, huh? I don't plan on changing again until I finish school, though this isn't to say that I won't have some epiphany or crisis change my mind. I have, however, realized what that my profession is, doesn't matter. It's the type of Man that I choose to be that matters. So, what do I want to be when I grow up?

I want to be a kid. No, Not in the sense that I want to be immature and irresponsible; a selfish whiny brat. I don't want to worry about the future so much that I take out my stress on the people around me, I want to be carefree. I don't want to be so naive that I can't tell a bad thing when I see it, but I want to be able to try new things without fear. I want to be easy to talk to, and easy to teach just like a child. But most of all, I want the simple things to entertain me, to be happy at what I have. The ice-cream cone from Rite-Aid, the bike ride to the beach, the stars from my roof at night. The simple things that I had when I was a child have been devoured by the chaos of the world. I miss them. I want them back. Someday, I will have reached the enlightenment that we all come into the world posessing, but lose somewhere along the way.

Anxiety and Patience

Patience is a virtue. Why is it a virtue? Because so many people lack it. Instant gratification is what our society is all about. Fast food. Faster Internet. One-day shipping. Faster Cars. Now don't get me wrong--I am very glad that we don't have slow internet because now I can order presents for people online when I forget that their birthday is the next day! I am also thankful that there is one-day shipping so they will get their present on time after I order it. Without the fast cars the mailmen couldn't bring the package quickly enough, and without the fast food they would be taking lunch breaks that were too long. There is nothing wrong with getting things fast.

Anxiety stems from when we think that something that should be happening isn't happening, or something that we don't want to happen, is. I know it all too well--that feeling that somehow resides in both your stomach and the back of your mind that something isn't right. What makes us feel anxious though? Anxiety is not simply nervousness, we are anxious because we feel we deserve something that we aren't getting.

But why be anxious? I used to get anxious about a lot of things--I felt I deserved better grades in school, a better social life, better possessions--but as I matured, I realized that some things will happen in their own time frame. I don't need a brand new computer this minute, or a nice new car next week. I began to realize that if something was meant to happen, then it would happen. There was no forcing it and worrying about it wouldn't make it happen faster. When it happens, it will be perfect.

I'm not always perfect, but I like to think of myself as a chill person now--I try not to worry about the future or be anxious about things that I can't control. True, sometimes I become complacent about things that do deserve more immediate attention, but I have come to realize that there are many things that are out my hands. I do want them, but there is no reason to fret. Forcing the point can often ruin a good thing. If it is going to happen then all the pieces will fall into place.

Some things are just worth waiting for.