Dogs Are People Too

This is extremely ironic. First, a little back story. I sat down with the idea for this blog; I was going to write about how awesome all dogs were, and how I loved dogs, and how they were amazing. I got three or four paragraphs down, then, extremely drowsy, I went off to my backyard to take a nap in the sun on my picnic table. I was out there for nearly an hour, and the entire time, save for a few seconds here or there, the next door neighbor dogs wouldn't stop barking. And yipping. And howling. And baying. Now, I have nothing against my next door neighbors; their dogs, however, are stupid. They are small annoying little creatures who bark at anything that moves, even their own tails. This blog has turned from a praise of the entire canine family into a smack-talk on certain types of dogs, and uplifting comments about others. And so it begins.

[Most dogs are] Freakin' Awesome.

Not really any other way to describe dogs. I mean, sure--there are the few breeds of dogs that are pretty nasty and will attack and maul you on sight, but for the most part they are legit. I have had a near-maul experience with a dog, but I shall go on to that later--It wasn't really so bad now that I look back on it. There also the small rat-dogs which really can't be considered dogs, but are still really cute.

I don't think I have ever actually been asked if I am a "cat person" or a "dog person" but, if I, hypothetically, were asked this age-old question, I would probably answer "dog person". Now, I really don't see anything wrong with cats. Cats got attitude, and I respect that. I like to pet them and hear them purr, have them sit on my lap and keep me warm, and let them rub their forehead pheromones all over me as they mark me as their territory and warn other cats to stay away from my amazingly awesome petting-appendages. But cats lack something that dogs don't. Cats don't have as much personality as dogs. "WAIT!" you might say, "But how can animals have personalities?!?!?" Trust me, they can. It just feels wrong calling it a "doginality" or a "catinality" or a "cowinality" or even "tyrannosaurusrexanlity", so I'll just refer to it as a personality. I have seen maybe three different types of personalities in cats. Playful, vicious, and lazy. Dogs, however--wow, I can't even begin to describe all of the different personalities that I have seen.

My dog, for instance, is in different moods all the time, so it is kind of hard to pin him on one personality; but, if I were forced to pin him on one personality, I would pin him as personable. He loves to meet new people and play with them and jump around them, and get fed by them, and get petted by them--and at the end of a long day, he will just sit next to me all tuckered out and let me pet him for a while. He likes to be around people because he is social. I love him so much. If someday, when I get married, I love my wife half as much as I love my dog, she will be one lucky girl.

Then there are the protective dogs. When was the last time that you saw a cat walk up to an intruder who was robbing your house and "meow" warningly at him? Yea right, the cat probably wouldn't care as long as the robber didn't steal his tuna. Most dogs would violently throw themselves at any intruder, making as much noise as possible so their master could come out of their room holding a bat and make quick work of the thief.

Ah, yes, now we come to the rat-dogs...erm, lap dogs. OK, honestly, I love small dogs. It is all the vigor and excitement of a big dog, packed into a tiny body that is always quivering with energy, and often times letting loose excrement's due to its massive excitement levels. That is to say, it pees on you when it sees you because it is so happy. My cousins have a Yorkshire Terrier named Toby that they need to put a cloth diaper on whenever they have company because he pees out of excitement. I'm just glad that this pee function was installed on the small dogs and not the big dogs, or the messes would be a lot worse.

Big dogs...I love them too. You can't really play fetch with a lap dog, (Unless you are using it as the ball), and even if the small dogs would willingly attack any intruder to defend its house, I don't think it would do much good. Big dogs I love because you an play with them and rely on them and go running with them, and not worry about them getting tired. Ah yes, and now my near-maul story.

When I was a wee lad of about 12 years, I was playing tag with a friend of mine who was a little bit younger. He happened to have a German Shepherd named Schultz, who was very protective of him. Walk a little bit too close and you could hear a growl growing in the back of his throat. Anyway, my little friend and I were playing tag and he was chasing me. Shultz, being the loyal dog to his master, pounced on me and pinned me down, while biting my knee. Let's not forget that German Shepherds aren't exactly small dogs, let alone to a 12 year old boy. I still have scars from where his teeth bit me as proof. OK, perhaps it is slightly exaggerated, but even so--I still love dogs, even German Shepherds.

Chihuahuas do suck though. They are extremely aggressive for their size and bark at anything. There are certain types of dogs that I just wish would never have been bred. Honestly, what is the purpose of having a dog that is loud and annoying? They aren't even cute either. My neighbor's dogs are beagles, and I have learned to hate them too.

I can't say for sure if I will own pets when I have my own family, but if I were to have them, I would definitely have 2 dogs. (and a parrot, but that's another story) I think I would go with a German Shepherd, and a Yorkshire Terrier. I would be able to hang out with my big dog and play fetch with him, and throw the Frisbee and run around, and also have him protect my family when I am feeling lazy. And the Yorkshire Terrier would just sit on my lap while I watch movies. Wearing a diaper of course.