Insomnia

I have them often, sleepless nights. Not entirely sleepless, but I go to bed with lots on my mind, and restlessly wrestle with them in a half sleeping state wherein all my problems and future plans inhabit a dream world that taunts my failed efforts to slip out of consciousness. It isn't very reinvigorating.

Maybe this is why I take so many naps.

Unfortunately, all of my problems don't merely bore me and put me to sleep after half an hour--they consume my thoughts, feeding mercilessly on them and grow from an annoying little monkey jumping around in a cage with a zoo keeper chasing him, into King Kong climbing up the Empire State Building with all of the national guard trying to kill him. Futile.

(Wow, that was an interesting analogy...but I guess it IS 3:09 am...)

The homework that I haven't done. The people I've made angry. The people that have made me angry. The future that I need to prepare for. The things I want to do. The things I need to do. The things I have done. The things I haven't done. The people I need to talk to. The place in my life that I should be, but am not.

How do I deal with it? Sometimes I don't, and I end up staying awake and watching the light start to creep in through the edges of the blinds. Any other time, a welcome sight, but when there is a full day ahead of me, and a full weekend behind me, it is often difficult to face the frustrations of a new day and week with an already tired mind.

And so I write. I write the words off of my mind and onto a page or screen where they fester for later. Not really dealt with, but put into a stasis for the time being. Not gone or taken care of, just suppressed. But I think I need to stop now. The noise of my typing and the light from my laptop is making my roommate stir. He's way bigger than me, and he gets cranky if he doesn't have a good night's sleep.