I've always known that most guys don't treat most girls with respect. I generally, however, surround myself with people who have at least some respect for members of the opposite gender. The usual reaction when my friends and I see an attractive woman walk by, is a deliberate eye contact with each other, wherein we both slightly nod and recognize the beauty in front of us. That is basically all that I had experienced--until now. You know how you always hear about guys "hollerin'" at girls? Well I thought it was only something from movies. It isn't. I was pretty disgusted.
When I was in Long Beach for a rugby game the other week, we had arrived early to the game, and so the whole team was just milling about aimlessly. There were some bleachers that we were set up on, and behind the bleachers was a fence. After a short while, many of the guys realized that there was a track on the other side of this fence, and lo and behold there were females running about on it, sprinting, jogging, and doing hurtles. Within minutes there were probably fifteen guys standing on the bleachers, resting their arms on the fence, yelling at the women who were doing said activities.
"Sup Mah."
"Damn, guuuuurl, Check dose titties!"
"Chu been working dat ass gurl!?!"
"I seen chu lookin' at me gurl!"
Some of the girls looked extremely uncomfortable; this is only the tip of the iceberg of the things that were said. I don't even recall some of the other things, but these were definitely some of the more mild ones. Honestly, I was taken aback. Sure, everyone knows that this is what is going on inside nearly every guy's head for 90% of his life, but most of us learn to control it.
While some of the girls looked uncomfortable, the worst part is that I honestly couldn't tell if the other ones were annoyed, disturbed, or enjoying it. Either they were really good actors at pretending that they didn't care what all my team mates were yelling at them, or it happens to them so much that they have become desensitized by it.
I could tell that their coach didn't appreciate what was going on, but I could also tell that even he didn't want to tell fifteen burly dudes to stop harassing his track team. He gave us a few looks of annoyance, then just pretended that we didn't exist.
Now I can't say that I have ever experienced sexual harassment (Maybe emotional...) but I feel like it is something that I wouldn't thoroughly enjoy. I guess I just thought that some things would be common knowledge such as what is appropriate to say to another person, and what isn't; I guess it is just something that some people have to learn. The worst part about this is that society seems to have become desensitized to manners like this--I was embarrassed for the women who were running track, and also on behalf of my teamates who clearly don't share the same perspective on people as I do.
Some people deserve a little more respect than they recieve.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Stream of Consciousness 2
My mind thinks wierd. It just goes all over the place up and down and around and over and to the side and I hear one thing and I can think about it for a little while and all of the sudden i've thought about three different things and I ended up somewhere super wierd. It's kind of like the experiement they have "6th degree" wherein supposedly you know everyone in the world through a minimum of 6 people except instead of me knowing people my ideas think about other ideas and I can connect nearly anything really rapidly its really wierd really. I before E except after C. See Sea. Saw. Seesaw. "I see!" said the blind carpenter as he picked up his hammer and saw. It's really cold in my room even though I have the window closed and a sweatshirt on and I'm wearing all my pajama attire that isn't very manly but its ok cause I would be way super colder if I wasn't wearing them. Actually I don't even care if people see me cause I'm comfortable. Thats my prerogative. I learned how to spell that today cause I thought I knew how to spell it for my whole life but I didn't. Well relatively comfortable cause it is kind of cold still which is how I got on this whole sentence topic in the first place. Like a race. You can get first place in a race. Wow, I'm super bored cause I just reread everything that I just wrote and wow I just said just twice, well actually now that I add them up, four times in the same sentence. That's just incredible! I just realized that (Wow, just, just keeps showing up everywhere now that I'm thinking about it) yea ok I totally forgot what I was going to type because I went off on that little tangent (Tangerine), but hopefully it will come back soon because I feel like it was important. Oh yea I remember now, it had to do with the way that I type and if some people don't understand my sarcasm because I'm sarcastic online and I use smilies like :) and :( and ;) and :D and :P and >.< and ## and oh man there are tons more that I could go on and do but most people probably don't understand them but anyway people probably think i'm really rude but I'm just trying to be funny and when I use a smily face I'm trying to convey the sarcastic tone because there isnt a voice tone (at the tone the time will be xxxxxxxxxxx beeeeeep) but anyway I wonder what makes some people laugh at some things and some people think that the things that those people were laughing at is the stupidest thing in the world. Sometimes my friends want to show me something and they are super excited about it and they have been talking about it for days and building up my expectations of it and they keep laughing and then they finally coerce me to come see whatever it was they were talking about and making inside jokes about and then it was really dumb. The end. I wonder if I ever do that to people too cause I think my sense of humor is really wierd (I before E except after C) compared to lots of people. I think sometimes I think really simple things are super funny and lots of people think they are stupid and then sometimes I look really deep into a situation or sentence or joke and see something really funny and ironic that nobody else sees (candy) and they think I'm really crazy like daisies wow phil just knocked on the door and ruined my train of thought cause he forgot his waterbottle inside my room but yea where was I, humor? oh yea. And thats kind of where I got the name for this blog because lots of people just glance over life in general and don't see the little things that can actually turn out to be pretty funny or depressing or sad or important and they miss out on what life is actually about. Wow now I'm all in this pensive mood and this stream of consiousness thingy isn't working out anymore cause I can't type as fast as I can think even though I can type super fast pretty accurately. Pretty pretty. Pretty fast. Pretty lady. Pretty bird. "You sold my dead bird to a blind kid!?!" Oh so epic. Except only things like oceans are epic because they are so big. And really big stories are epic too. Epic epics that span epochs. Ok I'm done. Time to go think about my life.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Diversions
We all have problems in life. Things we can't handle, or don't want to handle at the moment. At first we ignore them, but the more we encounter them and think about them, the more they continue to eat away at us. School, work, bullies, taxes, love--life in general adds up. We end up getting overwhelmed by all of them, and we start doing things to forget.
I'm not talking about doing things to take a break from the monotony of life-- hobbies and enjoyment aren't bad things at all--I'm talking about the habits that we fall into as a way to escape from the things that we can't control. In a sense we are running away from them, just hoping that they won't come back.
They always do.
These habits look different for different people. For the vast majority of my peers, it is drinking. For others, it can be sports or video games, or music, or drugs, or eating, or even being social. For me? I would say that the two biggest ones that I realize that I do are video games and sleeping. When I have papers due that I don't want to think about, errands to run, or people that I don't want to confront, I find myself sitting down and trying to get lost in a virtual world. I just run away from my problems and pretend to be someone else. Of course, even I get tired of video games after a while (As I get older, the amount of time I spend playing them has been greatly dwindling), but I still try to escape through sleep. I feel the weight of the unfinished pressing down on me, and I become weary. I sleep until there is no reason to sleep anymore, and then just lay down until I become tired agian. The more I sleep, the more tired I become, and the cycle continues.
It is a weakness that I wish I didn't have. Maybe it's time to stop wishing.
Nobody can run away forever; these things do need to be handled.
I'm not talking about doing things to take a break from the monotony of life-- hobbies and enjoyment aren't bad things at all--I'm talking about the habits that we fall into as a way to escape from the things that we can't control. In a sense we are running away from them, just hoping that they won't come back.
They always do.
These habits look different for different people. For the vast majority of my peers, it is drinking. For others, it can be sports or video games, or music, or drugs, or eating, or even being social. For me? I would say that the two biggest ones that I realize that I do are video games and sleeping. When I have papers due that I don't want to think about, errands to run, or people that I don't want to confront, I find myself sitting down and trying to get lost in a virtual world. I just run away from my problems and pretend to be someone else. Of course, even I get tired of video games after a while (As I get older, the amount of time I spend playing them has been greatly dwindling), but I still try to escape through sleep. I feel the weight of the unfinished pressing down on me, and I become weary. I sleep until there is no reason to sleep anymore, and then just lay down until I become tired agian. The more I sleep, the more tired I become, and the cycle continues.
It is a weakness that I wish I didn't have. Maybe it's time to stop wishing.
Nobody can run away forever; these things do need to be handled.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Junkie
I have never been high. I have never done drugs. I don't think that I ever will. About the most powerful thing I have ever been on was Vicodin, right after I got my wisdom teeth out. Apparently, it wasn't a very big dose either because I still remember that being the most intense pain that I have ever felt in my life. It could have been a placebo experiment for all that I know. I realized, however, after yesterday, that I am a junkie.
I get a slight buzz from bombing a hill on my skateboard, going way faster than I should because I have no control. You can feel the wind rushing past you and you can feel every little crack in the sidewalk as you roll over them at extreme speeds. It still got old after a while. I have never been bunjee jumping, that is on my bucket list, but I have been skydiving. It was pretty intense, to know that you were falling at 120 MPH towards the ground and certain death if your parachute failed, but it still wasn't enough. I love free climbing, the beat that your heart skips when the rock you were putting most of your weight on starts to crumble a little bit and you look over your shoulder to the sheer drop below. Maybe not instant death, but definitely a life-changing maiming, and a slow death afterwards if you aren't rushed to a hospital by a passerby. In hindsight, it is nothing.
Yesterday, I felt the biggest adrenaline rush that I have ever felt. I will be chasing it forever.
It was a warm, sunny day in Fullerton, California. A slight breeze, barely noticeable. Perfect weather. I was on a grass field wearing shorts, and a jersey, cleats, and a mouthguard. No pads, no protection. Me, the field and the twenty nine other men dressed the same. Rugby. It is still so vivid. I don't think I will ever forget. As I stood on the field, slightly crouched at the knees, spring-loaded, I could feel the uneven dirt under my feet. My fists were clenched and shaking.
Fight or flight?
Fight.
I could feel the hair on the back of my neck stand on end as I bit down on my mouthguard. I could taste the testosterone in the air. My breaths became deep and deliberate. I could FEEL my heartbeat. Hear it. Everything else drowned out.
Boom-Boom
Boom-Boom
Boom-Boom
Every muscle in my body was clenched. I was shaking; not fear, exhileration. Poised. From my neck to my toes. I heard my breath groan slowly out of my clenched throat, almost a growl. My foot twitched.
Go
There is nothing like running full speed at someone who is also running full speed at you, knowing that when you collide, because you will, it isn't going to feel nice. But you don't feel it. You get up and hit them again. And get knocked down again. And then run. And get knocked down again, and piled on. And run again, and you hit again. And you don't feel anything. No pain. Just the rush of blood through your veins. A battlefield. There is no other way to describe it. It has to be experienced.
I am alive. Life is my drug.
I get a slight buzz from bombing a hill on my skateboard, going way faster than I should because I have no control. You can feel the wind rushing past you and you can feel every little crack in the sidewalk as you roll over them at extreme speeds. It still got old after a while. I have never been bunjee jumping, that is on my bucket list, but I have been skydiving. It was pretty intense, to know that you were falling at 120 MPH towards the ground and certain death if your parachute failed, but it still wasn't enough. I love free climbing, the beat that your heart skips when the rock you were putting most of your weight on starts to crumble a little bit and you look over your shoulder to the sheer drop below. Maybe not instant death, but definitely a life-changing maiming, and a slow death afterwards if you aren't rushed to a hospital by a passerby. In hindsight, it is nothing.
Yesterday, I felt the biggest adrenaline rush that I have ever felt. I will be chasing it forever.
It was a warm, sunny day in Fullerton, California. A slight breeze, barely noticeable. Perfect weather. I was on a grass field wearing shorts, and a jersey, cleats, and a mouthguard. No pads, no protection. Me, the field and the twenty nine other men dressed the same. Rugby. It is still so vivid. I don't think I will ever forget. As I stood on the field, slightly crouched at the knees, spring-loaded, I could feel the uneven dirt under my feet. My fists were clenched and shaking.
Fight or flight?
Fight.
I could feel the hair on the back of my neck stand on end as I bit down on my mouthguard. I could taste the testosterone in the air. My breaths became deep and deliberate. I could FEEL my heartbeat. Hear it. Everything else drowned out.
Boom-Boom
Boom-Boom
Boom-Boom
Every muscle in my body was clenched. I was shaking; not fear, exhileration. Poised. From my neck to my toes. I heard my breath groan slowly out of my clenched throat, almost a growl. My foot twitched.
Go
There is nothing like running full speed at someone who is also running full speed at you, knowing that when you collide, because you will, it isn't going to feel nice. But you don't feel it. You get up and hit them again. And get knocked down again. And then run. And get knocked down again, and piled on. And run again, and you hit again. And you don't feel anything. No pain. Just the rush of blood through your veins. A battlefield. There is no other way to describe it. It has to be experienced.
I am alive. Life is my drug.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
On The Bus
I never used to take the bus. Aside from one time in third or fourth grade when my babysitter was required to go somewhere with me and didn't have a car, and one time in high school when my mother forsook me at school and I needed a way home, the first time that I rode the bus was on my first day to college. It was scary. And awkward. Generally, the buses that I take are packed to the brim with college students. When I say packed to the brim, I don't merely mean that all the seats are full; I mean that all the seats are full as well as the isle way, and the door ways, and people are rubbing all over you and its really hot and smelly and you try not to make eye contact with anyone because it is so shameful. It is not always so, but this is generally the case. Aside from the horrible things I just mentioned, riding the bus can be a very interesting experience. There are all sorts of eccentric people doing crazy random things.
The first class of people that are generally run into on the bus are the music listeners. I'm not just talking about the people who are listening to their iPods so they don't have to deal with the environment around them. I am talking about the people who are always getting WAAAY too into their music and audibly singing, if not mouthing the words. These people are often breathing the lyrics under their breath so that everyone can see that they know the lyrics to the song that they are listening to. They play the guitar solos and the drum solos, even though it is very apparent they have no idea how to actually play the instrument they are pretending to play. Their eyes are closed and their heads are bobbing to the beat, and quite frankly, they look dumb. Now I will be the first to admit that when I listen to music by myself in my room with the door closed, I play the air instruments, I horribly attempt to sing the vocal parts as well as the bands do, and I dance all crazy...but I am by myself in my room, with the door closed, not on a crowded bus, bumping into people.
There was this one time, however, that I got onto the bus, and there were four people who literally had instruments with them and were all playing. They didn't know each other either. They just all happened to have all their instruments with them on the bus at the same time, and their natural instincts took over; it was quite amazing. Two guitars, a harmonica and a bongo might not exactly be the requirements for an amazing rock band--but their jam session sounded pretty awesome. They were all hippies too.
The next class of people are the gossipers. These people talk about who they had sex with last week, who they had sex with last night, who they are having sex with tonight, and who they hope to have sex with after they are in a committed marriage relationship; and no, it's not with their spouse. Then they talk about who their friends are having sex with, what times and where, and if they approve or disapprove. They also talk about all the drugs they have done and are planning on doing, and how much their life sucks because they have school so they can't get wasted every night.
BUMMER.
I don't even have this kind of information to share with anyone, but information that I do find a little bit personal, I still don't go spouting off in the midst of a crowded bus of strangers.
Next, we have the intense starers. These people have no qualms about looking at you and staring at you intently, even though it is considered socially unacceptable to do as much. They look at you and then when you see them looking at you, they keep looking. Then, when you pretend to look away so it doesn't get too awkward, you can totally tell from the corner of your eye that they are still looking at you. You check your face in the reflection of the window to see if there is any food on it, but there isn't really anything abnormal. "Maybe they aren't looking at me," you think to yourself, but after a nonchalant check behind you, you find that there is nothing behind you except the wall of the bus. Not even a window that they could, perhaps, be looking out of. And yes, they are still looking at you. Even as you exit the bus, you can feel their eyes burning holes in the back of your head. So awkward. Actually, I won a stare down with one of these people once and I felt really good about myself. Then I realized that I had turned into one of them and felt horrible.
Some of the worst people to sit next to on the bus are the baby carriers and the smelly bums. Even though these are two completely different types of people, I place them into the same category because they both take up lots of room and they both smell. For some reason, I am always cursed to sit next to a mother with a baby that has a full diaper when I am on the bus. I don't hate babies--they can be awesome, but why, mothers, do you not change your baby's diaper's? They will get rashes if you don't take care of it! In fact, I'm pretty sure this is one of the reasons that all the baby's that I have encountered on buses are always crying--because they have rashes. So they cry and are smelly and they scream and then they wail and its made worse by the fact that the baby is right next to your head, and you just want to change the baby's diaper yourself so all will be right in the world, but you know if you even look at that baby in the wrong way, the little mexican mom will start to hit you with her purse and then tell all her family and friends to beat you up when they see you. Plus they always have two bags and a stroller and groceries with them and they are falling all over you and it sucks. And that's only on your right side. On your left side you have the smelly bum who clearly hasn't showered in three months. I mean, sure, he probably went in the ocean once or twice to rinse off, but then he got sick cause it was so freakin' cold, and hasn't done it since; that is why he has that deep throaty cough that is surely contagious, and he has his backpack which has the smell of a dead animal emanating from it. Probably his lunch for tomorrow, and you just wish that he had better life circumstances. Then, he starts to talk to you. At least, you think he's talking to you, but then when you turn to look at him, he is staring down at his hands and talking to them. After a bit of eavesdropping, you find out that one is named Bob and one is named Ryan, and that they haven't been getting along lately. The bum then begins to punish them by hitting them together. He is moving around a ton and hitting them, and then he abruptly changes the topic to Vietnam and all the sudden you feel really bad for judging him.
The last type of person that you will encounter on the bus are the sleepers. Now I myself am a sleeper, but I'm not talking about my kind of sleeper. I'm normal. I put my hood on, lay my head against the window and nap for 15 minutes until I reach my stop, pull the chord, and exit the bus. I'm talking about the kind of sleepers who drool and snore, and whose heads are bobbing all over the place before they finally come to rest on your shoulder. You want to gently push it off, but are afraid to wake them into a fit of violence wherein you will be brutally murdered. You know they have missed their stop too because you have seen them get off the bus many a time, and it was definitely three stops ago. So you just let them sleep, and hope that they will awaken before you need to move their head when you need to get off the bus.
When I started to ride the bus, I thought it was going to be the end of me. It was a horrible experience that I hoped never to have to repeat. Now, after 4 years of bus riding, I have gotten used to everything. I just find it slightly annoying. As long as it doesn't wake me up, I don't care what happens.
The first class of people that are generally run into on the bus are the music listeners. I'm not just talking about the people who are listening to their iPods so they don't have to deal with the environment around them. I am talking about the people who are always getting WAAAY too into their music and audibly singing, if not mouthing the words. These people are often breathing the lyrics under their breath so that everyone can see that they know the lyrics to the song that they are listening to. They play the guitar solos and the drum solos, even though it is very apparent they have no idea how to actually play the instrument they are pretending to play. Their eyes are closed and their heads are bobbing to the beat, and quite frankly, they look dumb. Now I will be the first to admit that when I listen to music by myself in my room with the door closed, I play the air instruments, I horribly attempt to sing the vocal parts as well as the bands do, and I dance all crazy...but I am by myself in my room, with the door closed, not on a crowded bus, bumping into people.
There was this one time, however, that I got onto the bus, and there were four people who literally had instruments with them and were all playing. They didn't know each other either. They just all happened to have all their instruments with them on the bus at the same time, and their natural instincts took over; it was quite amazing. Two guitars, a harmonica and a bongo might not exactly be the requirements for an amazing rock band--but their jam session sounded pretty awesome. They were all hippies too.
The next class of people are the gossipers. These people talk about who they had sex with last week, who they had sex with last night, who they are having sex with tonight, and who they hope to have sex with after they are in a committed marriage relationship; and no, it's not with their spouse. Then they talk about who their friends are having sex with, what times and where, and if they approve or disapprove. They also talk about all the drugs they have done and are planning on doing, and how much their life sucks because they have school so they can't get wasted every night.
BUMMER.
I don't even have this kind of information to share with anyone, but information that I do find a little bit personal, I still don't go spouting off in the midst of a crowded bus of strangers.
Next, we have the intense starers. These people have no qualms about looking at you and staring at you intently, even though it is considered socially unacceptable to do as much. They look at you and then when you see them looking at you, they keep looking. Then, when you pretend to look away so it doesn't get too awkward, you can totally tell from the corner of your eye that they are still looking at you. You check your face in the reflection of the window to see if there is any food on it, but there isn't really anything abnormal. "Maybe they aren't looking at me," you think to yourself, but after a nonchalant check behind you, you find that there is nothing behind you except the wall of the bus. Not even a window that they could, perhaps, be looking out of. And yes, they are still looking at you. Even as you exit the bus, you can feel their eyes burning holes in the back of your head. So awkward. Actually, I won a stare down with one of these people once and I felt really good about myself. Then I realized that I had turned into one of them and felt horrible.
Some of the worst people to sit next to on the bus are the baby carriers and the smelly bums. Even though these are two completely different types of people, I place them into the same category because they both take up lots of room and they both smell. For some reason, I am always cursed to sit next to a mother with a baby that has a full diaper when I am on the bus. I don't hate babies--they can be awesome, but why, mothers, do you not change your baby's diaper's? They will get rashes if you don't take care of it! In fact, I'm pretty sure this is one of the reasons that all the baby's that I have encountered on buses are always crying--because they have rashes. So they cry and are smelly and they scream and then they wail and its made worse by the fact that the baby is right next to your head, and you just want to change the baby's diaper yourself so all will be right in the world, but you know if you even look at that baby in the wrong way, the little mexican mom will start to hit you with her purse and then tell all her family and friends to beat you up when they see you. Plus they always have two bags and a stroller and groceries with them and they are falling all over you and it sucks. And that's only on your right side. On your left side you have the smelly bum who clearly hasn't showered in three months. I mean, sure, he probably went in the ocean once or twice to rinse off, but then he got sick cause it was so freakin' cold, and hasn't done it since; that is why he has that deep throaty cough that is surely contagious, and he has his backpack which has the smell of a dead animal emanating from it. Probably his lunch for tomorrow, and you just wish that he had better life circumstances. Then, he starts to talk to you. At least, you think he's talking to you, but then when you turn to look at him, he is staring down at his hands and talking to them. After a bit of eavesdropping, you find out that one is named Bob and one is named Ryan, and that they haven't been getting along lately. The bum then begins to punish them by hitting them together. He is moving around a ton and hitting them, and then he abruptly changes the topic to Vietnam and all the sudden you feel really bad for judging him.
The last type of person that you will encounter on the bus are the sleepers. Now I myself am a sleeper, but I'm not talking about my kind of sleeper. I'm normal. I put my hood on, lay my head against the window and nap for 15 minutes until I reach my stop, pull the chord, and exit the bus. I'm talking about the kind of sleepers who drool and snore, and whose heads are bobbing all over the place before they finally come to rest on your shoulder. You want to gently push it off, but are afraid to wake them into a fit of violence wherein you will be brutally murdered. You know they have missed their stop too because you have seen them get off the bus many a time, and it was definitely three stops ago. So you just let them sleep, and hope that they will awaken before you need to move their head when you need to get off the bus.
When I started to ride the bus, I thought it was going to be the end of me. It was a horrible experience that I hoped never to have to repeat. Now, after 4 years of bus riding, I have gotten used to everything. I just find it slightly annoying. As long as it doesn't wake me up, I don't care what happens.
Monday, February 13, 2012
My Mother
My mother can be a wonderful person. When I was young, she was there for my scraped knees and my sunburns. She made me dinner, sewed my clothes, and drove me places. Most of all, she took care of me when I was sick. She would make me special soups and broths, rent movies for me and make fires for me to keep me warmer. I would be well on the road to recovery very quickly with a mother who was so self-sacrificial.
I found out this morning, to my great distress, that she was sick. I was romping around the house fairly early in the morning because I thought I was alone when I heard a feeble little voice calling out my name. Startled, I peered into her room to see a lump of pillows and blankets reposistion itself slightly. It was, I found out after some excellent investigative skills, my mother. I felt horrible because I knew without a doubt that it was I who had gotten my mother sick; after everything she had done for me. I quickly made her some hot water for tea and asked if there was anything else that needed to be done for her. She just told me to leave her alone so she could sleep. I guess I understand.
These days, I put bandaids on my own skinned knees (sometimes), I put on my own sunscreen (often a little too late), I make my own dinner (microaveable foods and cereals [ok, I like real cooking too]), sew my own clothes (or attempt to), and take care of myself when I'm sick (just sleep a ton). And when I can, I take care of my mother in any way possible. It's the least I can do.
I found out this morning, to my great distress, that she was sick. I was romping around the house fairly early in the morning because I thought I was alone when I heard a feeble little voice calling out my name. Startled, I peered into her room to see a lump of pillows and blankets reposistion itself slightly. It was, I found out after some excellent investigative skills, my mother. I felt horrible because I knew without a doubt that it was I who had gotten my mother sick; after everything she had done for me. I quickly made her some hot water for tea and asked if there was anything else that needed to be done for her. She just told me to leave her alone so she could sleep. I guess I understand.
These days, I put bandaids on my own skinned knees (sometimes), I put on my own sunscreen (often a little too late), I make my own dinner (microaveable foods and cereals [ok, I like real cooking too]), sew my own clothes (or attempt to), and take care of myself when I'm sick (just sleep a ton). And when I can, I take care of my mother in any way possible. It's the least I can do.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Getting Sick
Unless you are a super human, you know the feeling. You maybe miss out on a couple hours of sleep here and there, perhaps breathed in a little bit too much cold air, maybe you were kissing that sick person a little too intimately for a little bit too long, or maybe something is just overpowering your system. You wake up one morning with that feeling in the back of your throat. "NO!" You think to yourself, "I am NOT getting sick!"
So you ignore it.
By the end of the day you are definitely feeling worse and you think to yourself, "It's ok, I'll just get a good night's sleep tonight and have a nice warm shower and take good care of myself and everything will be ok." But it's not. You wake up a few times in the middle of the night cause you are all stuffy and your throat hurts and you go to the kitchen to take a bunch of Emergen-C even though you know its way too late for that stuff. Then, you go back to bed and think about how far you are going to get behind in school or work and whose going to yell at you when you tell them that you are sick and that you need to forgoe your responsibilities.
When I was young I liked it. I hated the fact that I was forced into the institution of elementary school, and I would even pretend to be sick sometimes. The funny thing is that sometimes I would pretend so hard that I was sick, that I would actually get sick. Yeah, I'm an awesome actor. The fake coughs would irritate my throat and get it red and make me cough more, and I knew ALL the tricks on how to make the thermometer read 99.8 degrees. (A full 1.2 degrees higher than the average body temperature of a healthy person.)When the final decision was made by my mother that I would be staying home that day, I would pout a little and tell her how dissapointed I was that I would be missing [insert some "fun" activity] at school that day and that I wished with all of my little heart that I could be there. I would then slowly walk over to the couch where I would pull the blanket over my tiny shivering body and pretend to sleep; I was really shaking because I was so excited that I didn't actually have to go to school that day.
As I have gotten older, I have realized that being sick, or even pretending to be sick isn't as great as it used to be. Back in elementary school, missing a few days here or there, or even a week at a time was no big deal. You would just show up with your weekly homework packet on friday and everything would be fine. When I reached Jr. High and Highschool, however, it got serious. Missing even a single day would put me so far behind that all my grades would drop. Work was even worse.
Having worked in a food service for two years, every work meeting they are always telling you time, and time again. "DO NOT COME TO WORK IF YOU ARE SICK!!!" They would say this multiple times and in multiple different ways to make sure that the got the point across. Now the rule for calling in sick was that you had to call in sick at least two hours ahead of time so that they could find a replacement, or else you would get written up. In the two years that I worked there, I think I called in sick maybe two, maybe three times. I would always call in 5 hours ahead of time, yet the reaction that I would get was still almost violent. They would be mad at me the next time that I came in to work, and even cut my hours sometimes. Towards the end of my employment there, I would just come in anyway if I was sick because I hated getting yelled at for calling in sick, even though they made such a big deal of not coming in when you were sick. Hypocrites.
As I have gotten older, it is no longer fun or feasible to pretend to be sick because I have responsibilities that still exist, even if I am lying in my bed for two days moaning and groaning. The world doesn't care. As far as really being sick, I dont like the feeling. I would rather be healthy and working than stuffy and have a headache and be throwing up and having a sore throat and playing video games.
Anyway, I have a sore throat so I'm going to go make myself some tea and take some Vitamins.
So you ignore it.
By the end of the day you are definitely feeling worse and you think to yourself, "It's ok, I'll just get a good night's sleep tonight and have a nice warm shower and take good care of myself and everything will be ok." But it's not. You wake up a few times in the middle of the night cause you are all stuffy and your throat hurts and you go to the kitchen to take a bunch of Emergen-C even though you know its way too late for that stuff. Then, you go back to bed and think about how far you are going to get behind in school or work and whose going to yell at you when you tell them that you are sick and that you need to forgoe your responsibilities.
When I was young I liked it. I hated the fact that I was forced into the institution of elementary school, and I would even pretend to be sick sometimes. The funny thing is that sometimes I would pretend so hard that I was sick, that I would actually get sick. Yeah, I'm an awesome actor. The fake coughs would irritate my throat and get it red and make me cough more, and I knew ALL the tricks on how to make the thermometer read 99.8 degrees. (A full 1.2 degrees higher than the average body temperature of a healthy person.)When the final decision was made by my mother that I would be staying home that day, I would pout a little and tell her how dissapointed I was that I would be missing [insert some "fun" activity] at school that day and that I wished with all of my little heart that I could be there. I would then slowly walk over to the couch where I would pull the blanket over my tiny shivering body and pretend to sleep; I was really shaking because I was so excited that I didn't actually have to go to school that day.
As I have gotten older, I have realized that being sick, or even pretending to be sick isn't as great as it used to be. Back in elementary school, missing a few days here or there, or even a week at a time was no big deal. You would just show up with your weekly homework packet on friday and everything would be fine. When I reached Jr. High and Highschool, however, it got serious. Missing even a single day would put me so far behind that all my grades would drop. Work was even worse.
Having worked in a food service for two years, every work meeting they are always telling you time, and time again. "DO NOT COME TO WORK IF YOU ARE SICK!!!" They would say this multiple times and in multiple different ways to make sure that the got the point across. Now the rule for calling in sick was that you had to call in sick at least two hours ahead of time so that they could find a replacement, or else you would get written up. In the two years that I worked there, I think I called in sick maybe two, maybe three times. I would always call in 5 hours ahead of time, yet the reaction that I would get was still almost violent. They would be mad at me the next time that I came in to work, and even cut my hours sometimes. Towards the end of my employment there, I would just come in anyway if I was sick because I hated getting yelled at for calling in sick, even though they made such a big deal of not coming in when you were sick. Hypocrites.
As I have gotten older, it is no longer fun or feasible to pretend to be sick because I have responsibilities that still exist, even if I am lying in my bed for two days moaning and groaning. The world doesn't care. As far as really being sick, I dont like the feeling. I would rather be healthy and working than stuffy and have a headache and be throwing up and having a sore throat and playing video games.
Anyway, I have a sore throat so I'm going to go make myself some tea and take some Vitamins.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Stream of Consciousness
I think that I will do a stream of consciouness blog just because it would be interesting I don't think that there will be very much grammar or anything because I don't feel like it. Ok I just threw in a period because I felt like it and i'm the boss lol one time I told my dad that he was on his period and he got mad at me it was really funny cause he got really quiet and my friend looked at me and said "matt you are so dumb" and then walked out the door without even being told to leave. actually it didn't end as bad as I though it would. I don't think I'll ever tell him that again though. I do wish that I could talk to my parents about life though because they arent very personable people lol that was a funny way to put it but yea, they aren't mean all the time but they are so uptight about everything I hope i'm not like them someday. Well there are some characteristics of theirs that I admire but others I don't really like. That reminds me of when I was at Windy Gap and our leader told us to think about the good things and bad things about our fathers. My father is responsible and keeps his word and those are admirable things that I was to be also but he doesn't make an effort to know me very well it feels like we have a business relationship and not a personal relationship. I wonder if anyone even reads this anymore. Anyway I think I will still write stuff even if nobody reads it because it is a mental release for me especially when I'm bored man I must be bored a lot lately because I've been writing a lot lately. Maybe it's not so much boredom as the fact that I fee like I should be doing something useful with my time and I'm not and everyone always tells me that writing is constructive so I try to do that a lot but it still feels like there are other things that I should be doing. Even things that I want to and cant because I don't have the time or the resources or the experience or the i don't even know the word that I am looking for maybe assertiveness is a good one wow i don't think that I am going to go through and edit any of this and I'm so glad because it would be a pain in the butt lol like the time that I whipped phil really hard with a towel and made him bleed i guess practicing with my whip has gotten me some useful life experience I wonder if I will ever actually have to use my whip for self defense I doubt it. I think if someone had even a bat they would win. Oh well, at least I would make some really cools sounds before I got hit with a bat. bat bat bat see those were spelled the same way and sound the same but I really said bat bat bat. I mean the action and then the animal and then the wooden thing. Man English is really confusing sometimes. I mean, I guess I understand it so its not that bad, but for people who are trying to learn it as a second or third or fourth or fifth or sixth language or maybe seventh or eighths ok im tired of typing numbers, it is really hard. I kind of want to be tri lingual someday maybe even quadralingual if I can find the time and have someone to help motivate me. Yea, I think thats one of my problems I don't feel very motivated to do some stuff because ive become complacent with my life. I need motivation. Oh well at least i'm back in school now. I feel like for me personally one of the first things that I need to do before I can become a responsible adult is to finish shcool. thats not to say that people who don't go to school are unintelligent or can't be responsible adults but I think that is just the place that I am in my life right now. Wow my little brother is so loud and obnoxious he is always playing his trombone or something dumb. So i took a typing test the other day and I got 108 words per minute with 100% accuracy man thats really good I think I don't know if I could do it again I think my steady average is like 85 to 90 words per minute with 95% accuracy which is still really good maybe I will become a secretary oh man, thats a really low aspiration. Ok I think that I'm done with this for now. It was kind of fun to not have any structure actually maybe I'll do it again sometime.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
How to Pass College
Now, I can't exactly say that I am someone who is worthy of talking about this subject, seeing as I myself have not yet completed college. I have, however, passed enough classes to foresee what the future holds for me in regards to finishing the rest of my days as a student. Lots of people, particularly the responsible adults in your life, will tell you that the way that you pass college is with lots of hard work and studying. Now, if you are working on your second or third bachelor's degree, or perhaps your doctorate, there is definitely some value to this advice. Staying up late studying and writing papers, however, is not something that I particularly enjoy doing. I have come up with some other ways of passing classes, with having to do a lot less work.
The first, and easiest thing that can be done to help you get through your classes without actually doing any work is to simply show up to class. Now, this is one of the most difficult parts for lots of students because there are so many other things that they would rather be doing than sitting in a stuffy class, surrounded by thirty to 100 other students who, almost as assuredly, don't want to be there either. Not to worry, you can bring the things that you like to do with you to class, so long as you can do them while sitting down! I agree, it isn't very easy to go to the beach while you are at class, or play sports while you are in class, but reading is very easy so long as your textbook is large enough to fit your desired reading material into. Not into reading? Then try drawing. Not an artist? Well, bringing your computer to class to "help you take notes" is another way that many new diversions can be found. I myself got very good at chess this way, as well as "Free cell". I found myself often chatting with my friends and even watching youtube videos sometimes. (Note: you need headphones for this one, and it is best to sit in the rear of the class so as to attract as little attention from your peers as possible.) I have played a video game over the network with a friend sitting next to me in class one time, as well as written for this blog, written a letter, and even written large portions of a research essay for another class. The lesson learned? Being present is more important than actually paying attention.
The second way to pass your classes is to make friends with the people around you. This one is more important for the people who choose to not attend class very often, or who take the previous option to an extreme, and completely block out every word that the teacher is saying. It is rather rude to repeatedly go up to the teacher after class and say, "I wasn't actually paying attention for the past hour and a half. Can you sum up the whole lecture in just a few sentences?". Once or twice is ok, but it is better to have friends who will sum it up for you, or even make copies of their notes for you. I don't recommend copying their homework because that is considered cheating. It is even better to make more than one friend in the class, so that way you can rotate through which people you ask to see notes from. This way, your "friends" will feel much less used, and still be willing and cheerful to help you out!
In regards to writing long papers, there isn't really any one good way to get around it, but rather many small ways that, when put together, can make writing papers so much easier. The first way could be seen as slightly deceitful, but many people find it rude that teachers assign ten-page papers, so this has become very popular. If a ten page paper is supposed to be in 12 pt. font, a fun and easy thing to do is to go through and make all of the periods a font size bigger. Most people won't even notice this, and in larger papers, it is not uncommon to gain a quarter, to three quarters of a page for free. An even sneakier thing to do that requires a bit of luck, but can save loads of time, is to simply skip a page number. If a paper is supposed to be ten pages, just go from page seven to page nine on the page numbering. Most teachers eyes are already blurry from grading tons of papers, so this one is pretty easy to let slip.
Another way that writing a paper can be made easier is by simply using large amounts of quotes. Teachers often require concrete evidence by use of quotes in their papers, so use this literary tool against them!
The least deceitful way of making long papers easier is to simply use a thesaurus and lots of adjectives to draw out your sentences. Instead of using a sentence like, "The Aztecs died out when the Spanish invaded their lands." you can say "The amazing culture of the Aztecs was brutally defeated by the ruthless Spanish Conquistadors who pillaged their beautiful country side, burning thatch villages, demanding only the purest gold, and finally bringing the great Aztec empire to it's knees with a series of deadly plagues that the unwary immune systems of the helpless natives had never encountered before." See? Using common knowledge and lots of adjectives, I drew out that sentence to be nearly five times its original length!
The last method of making classes easier that I will discuss, is certainly the most looked down upon by your peers. That's right, sweet talking the teacher. There is always a student in every class who is staying afterwards to beg the teacher to let them turn in work a little bit late, or to change the requirements of their paper. All that this method requires is that the teacher knows who you are. It doesn't even have to be in a good way. If the class clown approaches the teacher, the teacher will think that the class clown is trying to amend for his past actions and take the class seriously, and will do nearly anything to try and help this repentant student out. Go to office hours, stay after class, bring presents--do whatever it takes to get on the teacher's good side, and you won't regret it.
Well, I hope that all of these ideas have been helpful. I know that I have used many of them in the past, and will continue to do so in the future. If you get caught using any of these ideas, just don't cite your source.
The first, and easiest thing that can be done to help you get through your classes without actually doing any work is to simply show up to class. Now, this is one of the most difficult parts for lots of students because there are so many other things that they would rather be doing than sitting in a stuffy class, surrounded by thirty to 100 other students who, almost as assuredly, don't want to be there either. Not to worry, you can bring the things that you like to do with you to class, so long as you can do them while sitting down! I agree, it isn't very easy to go to the beach while you are at class, or play sports while you are in class, but reading is very easy so long as your textbook is large enough to fit your desired reading material into. Not into reading? Then try drawing. Not an artist? Well, bringing your computer to class to "help you take notes" is another way that many new diversions can be found. I myself got very good at chess this way, as well as "Free cell". I found myself often chatting with my friends and even watching youtube videos sometimes. (Note: you need headphones for this one, and it is best to sit in the rear of the class so as to attract as little attention from your peers as possible.) I have played a video game over the network with a friend sitting next to me in class one time, as well as written for this blog, written a letter, and even written large portions of a research essay for another class. The lesson learned? Being present is more important than actually paying attention.
The second way to pass your classes is to make friends with the people around you. This one is more important for the people who choose to not attend class very often, or who take the previous option to an extreme, and completely block out every word that the teacher is saying. It is rather rude to repeatedly go up to the teacher after class and say, "I wasn't actually paying attention for the past hour and a half. Can you sum up the whole lecture in just a few sentences?". Once or twice is ok, but it is better to have friends who will sum it up for you, or even make copies of their notes for you. I don't recommend copying their homework because that is considered cheating. It is even better to make more than one friend in the class, so that way you can rotate through which people you ask to see notes from. This way, your "friends" will feel much less used, and still be willing and cheerful to help you out!
In regards to writing long papers, there isn't really any one good way to get around it, but rather many small ways that, when put together, can make writing papers so much easier. The first way could be seen as slightly deceitful, but many people find it rude that teachers assign ten-page papers, so this has become very popular. If a ten page paper is supposed to be in 12 pt. font, a fun and easy thing to do is to go through and make all of the periods a font size bigger. Most people won't even notice this, and in larger papers, it is not uncommon to gain a quarter, to three quarters of a page for free. An even sneakier thing to do that requires a bit of luck, but can save loads of time, is to simply skip a page number. If a paper is supposed to be ten pages, just go from page seven to page nine on the page numbering. Most teachers eyes are already blurry from grading tons of papers, so this one is pretty easy to let slip.
Another way that writing a paper can be made easier is by simply using large amounts of quotes. Teachers often require concrete evidence by use of quotes in their papers, so use this literary tool against them!
The least deceitful way of making long papers easier is to simply use a thesaurus and lots of adjectives to draw out your sentences. Instead of using a sentence like, "The Aztecs died out when the Spanish invaded their lands." you can say "The amazing culture of the Aztecs was brutally defeated by the ruthless Spanish Conquistadors who pillaged their beautiful country side, burning thatch villages, demanding only the purest gold, and finally bringing the great Aztec empire to it's knees with a series of deadly plagues that the unwary immune systems of the helpless natives had never encountered before." See? Using common knowledge and lots of adjectives, I drew out that sentence to be nearly five times its original length!
The last method of making classes easier that I will discuss, is certainly the most looked down upon by your peers. That's right, sweet talking the teacher. There is always a student in every class who is staying afterwards to beg the teacher to let them turn in work a little bit late, or to change the requirements of their paper. All that this method requires is that the teacher knows who you are. It doesn't even have to be in a good way. If the class clown approaches the teacher, the teacher will think that the class clown is trying to amend for his past actions and take the class seriously, and will do nearly anything to try and help this repentant student out. Go to office hours, stay after class, bring presents--do whatever it takes to get on the teacher's good side, and you won't regret it.
Well, I hope that all of these ideas have been helpful. I know that I have used many of them in the past, and will continue to do so in the future. If you get caught using any of these ideas, just don't cite your source.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Doing Life...Differently.
I was at Church today and saw something very eccentric. Now let me first say that I don't like to judge people. Aside from it being rude, we all have things that can be considered wierd about us, and we shouldn't think of others poorly just because they are different than us. All judging aside, this guy wrote really weird. It wasn't the script that was wierd; I mean, I guess it was kind of messy, but it was the way that he held his writing utensil. He held it like he was going to stab someone with it at any given second. I was kind of intimidated by his stance because he could go from peaceful note-taker to violent murderer in a moments notice.
He was also a left-hander which made his writing even messier. You know what I mean. Whenever you see a left-hander writing, they are always contorting their hands into wierd angles so they don't smear everything they have just written. I pity them.
As I watched this man, however, nothing seemed out of the ordinary to him. He didn't seem to notice that he was holding his writing utencil differently than everyone else. He didn't seem to notice that his writing was a little bit messier than everyone elses, and he didn't seem to notice that I had been staring at his hand for a couple minutes either. It was just the way he did things.
Everyone does life differently. Some people are rich and love it, some people are poor and own it. Some people are talented and some are not. Some people like to sit down together as a family for meals and some people like to watch TV during dinner. Some people like to be the center of attention, and some people just like to watch those people. There is no RIGHT way to do life; you kind of just have to figure it out as you go. Just see what works best for you. There is no need to be self-conscious about it; if it doesn't work for someone else, that's their loss.
He was also a left-hander which made his writing even messier. You know what I mean. Whenever you see a left-hander writing, they are always contorting their hands into wierd angles so they don't smear everything they have just written. I pity them.
As I watched this man, however, nothing seemed out of the ordinary to him. He didn't seem to notice that he was holding his writing utencil differently than everyone else. He didn't seem to notice that his writing was a little bit messier than everyone elses, and he didn't seem to notice that I had been staring at his hand for a couple minutes either. It was just the way he did things.
Everyone does life differently. Some people are rich and love it, some people are poor and own it. Some people are talented and some are not. Some people like to sit down together as a family for meals and some people like to watch TV during dinner. Some people like to be the center of attention, and some people just like to watch those people. There is no RIGHT way to do life; you kind of just have to figure it out as you go. Just see what works best for you. There is no need to be self-conscious about it; if it doesn't work for someone else, that's their loss.
Who You Are
So my facebook got hacked a while ago. Well, not technically hacked, but I left it open while I was taking a shower, and my lovely roommate at the time took full advantage of it. He changed things like my gender, sexual orientation, location, age, etc...but he also changed my likes and dislikes. I just now realized that I had forgotten to take a few of them down (a bit awkward--I hope nobody was creeping on my profile and believed any of it) so when I remembered this, I went on and edited some of my information. I was editing my activities and interest when I realized that if someone who didn't know me at all started to read my profile, this is all that they would know about me. Just a few words telling them what kinds of things I liked to do.
It was a bit disappointing. I thought to myself,
"Can my entire personality be described by just a few words? Is this how other people see me? The things that I do?"
I mean, when you are describing someone to someone else, what kinds of things do you mention? Usually physical attributes, simple personality traits, and activities that they like to do. But, how many people in the world share these traits? How many 5'9" white males are there? How many people skateboard, or read, or write, or play sports? Sure, If you throw enough things into the mix, eventually you create more of an illusion of individuality, but there is still more than that to define a person. Of course, I can do some unique things too, but I really hope that I am not defined by the fact that I can make a noise like a cricket, or pop my shoulder blades out, or memorize really long things; those don't make me who I am either.
I started thinking about it more. Are you defined by the people that you surround yourself with? The way that you were raised as a child? Most certainly neither. They do affect me, but they do not define me. People may judge me by the people that I hang out with, but I am not defined by them. They can influence the way I act and the activities that I participate in and help or hinder my growth, but I am still a smaller part of a larger whole in a group; an individual. I am not everything now that I was as a child either; as I grow and mature more I will not be everything that I am now. Sure, one might say that we are always changing, but we still haven't determined how we define who we are.
Finally, I came to a conclusion.
You determine who you are by the choices you make.
Shoot, I will even throw in there "The choices that you WANT to make" too. Just choices, that is it--nothing else really matters. The combination of the activities that you do may make you unique, but they do not define who you truly are. There many be thousands of people in the world with nearly the exact same likes and dislikes as you, but that doesn't mean that they are the same as you, just as a doppelganger isn't you just because they look the same.
I am not defined by the way I look, or the way I dress, or the activities that I participate in. I am defined by the choices that I make in each and every situation, and the reasons that these choices are made. I make my choices based upon my beliefs, my intellect, my past experiences, and my feelings. There is no way that these can all be summed up in a few words. These define who I am.
It was a bit disappointing. I thought to myself,
"Can my entire personality be described by just a few words? Is this how other people see me? The things that I do?"
I mean, when you are describing someone to someone else, what kinds of things do you mention? Usually physical attributes, simple personality traits, and activities that they like to do. But, how many people in the world share these traits? How many 5'9" white males are there? How many people skateboard, or read, or write, or play sports? Sure, If you throw enough things into the mix, eventually you create more of an illusion of individuality, but there is still more than that to define a person. Of course, I can do some unique things too, but I really hope that I am not defined by the fact that I can make a noise like a cricket, or pop my shoulder blades out, or memorize really long things; those don't make me who I am either.
I started thinking about it more. Are you defined by the people that you surround yourself with? The way that you were raised as a child? Most certainly neither. They do affect me, but they do not define me. People may judge me by the people that I hang out with, but I am not defined by them. They can influence the way I act and the activities that I participate in and help or hinder my growth, but I am still a smaller part of a larger whole in a group; an individual. I am not everything now that I was as a child either; as I grow and mature more I will not be everything that I am now. Sure, one might say that we are always changing, but we still haven't determined how we define who we are.
Finally, I came to a conclusion.
You determine who you are by the choices you make.
Shoot, I will even throw in there "The choices that you WANT to make" too. Just choices, that is it--nothing else really matters. The combination of the activities that you do may make you unique, but they do not define who you truly are. There many be thousands of people in the world with nearly the exact same likes and dislikes as you, but that doesn't mean that they are the same as you, just as a doppelganger isn't you just because they look the same.
I am not defined by the way I look, or the way I dress, or the activities that I participate in. I am defined by the choices that I make in each and every situation, and the reasons that these choices are made. I make my choices based upon my beliefs, my intellect, my past experiences, and my feelings. There is no way that these can all be summed up in a few words. These define who I am.
Friday, February 3, 2012
No Secrets. None.
I will just be honest, straightforward and up front about this right now: I think that honesty, straightforwardness and up-front-ness are some of the most important things in any relationship. Now, this may be a hot topic because many people find different things valuable in the relationships that they take part in. I cannot say with good conscience that honesty is the only important thing in a relationship, but I can truly say that I think many more problems can be avoided by the aforementioned things than any other traits in a relationship.
I strive to have people in my life that I'm not afraid to say what is on my mind to. I have had a few relationships like this, and am working on fostering more. The relationships that I have done this in have tended to last longer (Or haven't ended yet), and be more fulfilling than the ones that I didn't practice this in. Now, in all honesty, it definitely takes two people who both want this for this to work. If one person is intent on being open and honest, and the other person isn't too keen on sharing all of their little thoughts and quirks, then perhaps it isn't in their best interest to have this type of relationship. This isn't to say that they can't be friends, but this is a specific type of relationship for a specific type of person. And it takes a lot of perseverance.
I have lately been trying this type of relationship with all of my house-mates. I have found as one example of this that it is better to get something out of the way quicker than to let it stew. Hiding your feelings is one form of dishonesty because you are pretending to feel or not something that you do feel; you are virtually lying to another person's face. People generally choose their behaviors based upon the reactions that they are receiving from the other person. If there is no conflict, then there is no need to change the behavior, right? However, If the reactions that they are receiving are based upon false information, the actions that they will perform will not be suitable for the necessary task. In Example:
In this completely 100% fictitious scenario, let's pretend my house-mate "Bob" likes to have clean towels for his showers. There is nothing wrong with this--it is a very commendable and cleanly practice, but let us also pretend in this completely 100% fictitious scenario that he tends to just leave his used towels hanging on the racks until all the racks in the bathroom are full; then he starts stacking his towels onto mine. I don't like this, but I simply move his towels away and try to ignore the problem. After letting them pile up for quite a while, they fall off of the racks and onto the floor where they are left for weeks at a time. In this completely 100% fictitious scenario, this guy does have a lot of towels, but he soon exhausts his supply and starts using my towels, and leaves them lying around, leaving none for me! To him, this is a normal practice and he sees nothing wrong with it, but over time, my frustration builds up inside of me and eventually I will snap. The way that this completely 100% fictitious scenario could have gone differently is that I could have told him right away that his habit was bothering me. He would have then had the chance to change his ways before I simply exploded at him weeks later for, from his perspective, no reason at all. Ok, in all honesty it was only 8% fictitious.
You would be surprised how a simple acknowledgement of annoyance can change a person's behavior. Being 100% completely honest with someone doesn't mean that you need to be nitpicking everything that they are doing, but it does mean that you need to examine your own reactions to the things that people are doing to you and around you. It is unreasonable to ask someone to stop every annoying little habit that they have, but if it does really frustrate you and can cause problems in the future, you should let them know right away and in full detail so as to let the tension release in small amounts, rather than blow up all at once.
This method of relational interaction isn't simply usable in regards to annoyances around the house either. Honesty is required in such things as simple as telling someone "Your feet smell, move them away from me", or "I don't like that movie, let's watch something else", to intimacy, finances, past experiences, current feelings, and likes and dislikes. Remember, if the other person doesn't think that there is anything wrong, there is no way you can expect them to change. Also Remember: conflict in itself isn't bad. Conflict helps two people figure out what they need to do in the future to avoid a worse conflict. Unresolved conflict, however, leads to an explosive reaction to a seemingly harmless mistake.
There is, however, one instance it is ok to lie.
"Does this make me look fat?"
Just say no.
I strive to have people in my life that I'm not afraid to say what is on my mind to. I have had a few relationships like this, and am working on fostering more. The relationships that I have done this in have tended to last longer (Or haven't ended yet), and be more fulfilling than the ones that I didn't practice this in. Now, in all honesty, it definitely takes two people who both want this for this to work. If one person is intent on being open and honest, and the other person isn't too keen on sharing all of their little thoughts and quirks, then perhaps it isn't in their best interest to have this type of relationship. This isn't to say that they can't be friends, but this is a specific type of relationship for a specific type of person. And it takes a lot of perseverance.
I have lately been trying this type of relationship with all of my house-mates. I have found as one example of this that it is better to get something out of the way quicker than to let it stew. Hiding your feelings is one form of dishonesty because you are pretending to feel or not something that you do feel; you are virtually lying to another person's face. People generally choose their behaviors based upon the reactions that they are receiving from the other person. If there is no conflict, then there is no need to change the behavior, right? However, If the reactions that they are receiving are based upon false information, the actions that they will perform will not be suitable for the necessary task. In Example:
In this completely 100% fictitious scenario, let's pretend my house-mate "Bob" likes to have clean towels for his showers. There is nothing wrong with this--it is a very commendable and cleanly practice, but let us also pretend in this completely 100% fictitious scenario that he tends to just leave his used towels hanging on the racks until all the racks in the bathroom are full; then he starts stacking his towels onto mine. I don't like this, but I simply move his towels away and try to ignore the problem. After letting them pile up for quite a while, they fall off of the racks and onto the floor where they are left for weeks at a time. In this completely 100% fictitious scenario, this guy does have a lot of towels, but he soon exhausts his supply and starts using my towels, and leaves them lying around, leaving none for me! To him, this is a normal practice and he sees nothing wrong with it, but over time, my frustration builds up inside of me and eventually I will snap. The way that this completely 100% fictitious scenario could have gone differently is that I could have told him right away that his habit was bothering me. He would have then had the chance to change his ways before I simply exploded at him weeks later for, from his perspective, no reason at all. Ok, in all honesty it was only 8% fictitious.
You would be surprised how a simple acknowledgement of annoyance can change a person's behavior. Being 100% completely honest with someone doesn't mean that you need to be nitpicking everything that they are doing, but it does mean that you need to examine your own reactions to the things that people are doing to you and around you. It is unreasonable to ask someone to stop every annoying little habit that they have, but if it does really frustrate you and can cause problems in the future, you should let them know right away and in full detail so as to let the tension release in small amounts, rather than blow up all at once.
This method of relational interaction isn't simply usable in regards to annoyances around the house either. Honesty is required in such things as simple as telling someone "Your feet smell, move them away from me", or "I don't like that movie, let's watch something else", to intimacy, finances, past experiences, current feelings, and likes and dislikes. Remember, if the other person doesn't think that there is anything wrong, there is no way you can expect them to change. Also Remember: conflict in itself isn't bad. Conflict helps two people figure out what they need to do in the future to avoid a worse conflict. Unresolved conflict, however, leads to an explosive reaction to a seemingly harmless mistake.
There is, however, one instance it is ok to lie.
"Does this make me look fat?"
Just say no.
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