So many choices to make. So many possibilities to consider. If only I knew how the future would turn out. Life would be so much easier if it came with instructions, a crystal ball, and a time turner. Perhaps a map of all possible outcomes; choosing would be as easy as pointing a finger. I would make use of them. Unfortunately, life is not a game that can be reset if an undesirable position is reached; my cautious personality is anxious. Anxious over things I can't control.
How am I to know what will be or what could have been. I know who I want to be and what I want, but going about getting them is no simple feat. So many obstacles: physical limitations, mental limitations, people. I don't want to waste my time; I want to live in the moment for if we are too concerned about what is to come, we miss out on the present. Yet, a balance is required so as to also consider for the future without being consumed by unsuccessfully attempting to account for all of its possibilities.
There must be no regrets or misgivings about a choice long past, and no fear in making new decisions. If I fear to make the wrong decision, and then make none, there will be no learning. There will be no moving forward, and I will be stuck in the same, hopeless position forever.
No, it is not hopeless.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Excitement and Stability
When I use the word "relationship" in a conversation, I generally mean the interactions that two or more people experience in their every day lives. This could be friendship, work relationships, romantic relationships, or any other number of interactions. While in truth, the topic of this blog doesn't simply fall into just the realm of romantic relationships, this is the part that will be mostly explored. This isn't to say that normal friendships don't have exciting times and boring times, but unless otherwise specified in this blog, the word "relationship" will refer to romantic relationships.
For the most part, lasting relationships can fall into two categories: exciting or stable. When people are inside a relationship there are always ups and downs, as described in the ever so popular analogy: a roller coaster of emotions. But how high and how low is necessary? Some people have different levels of tolerability in regards to how stable or exciting a relationship is; this isn't to say that the differences in these relationship styles are bad. Think of any healthy relationship like a frequency graph. Over time, the peaks and troughs on the graph of an exciting relationships can be higher and lower than in a stable relationship, but the average remains the same in both situations.
Some people need exciting relationships. They need to convince themselves that they still feel emotions, that the relationship that they have with this other person is real. They need someone who will convince them to do new things. Someone to argue with them; someone to leave them alone when things are going fine, and someone to completely rely on when they are feeling down. These are the people that you see yelling at each other in the line at the grocery store one minute, arguing over the dumbest thing, then the next minute holding hands walking off like nothing happened.
Then, there are the more stable relationships. The relationships whose graphs aren't peaks and valleys, but lulling hills. These are the people whose arguments aren't hot-headed fist fights, but perhaps have slightly raised voices and are easily reconciled. The people who hold their tongues until their anger has cooled down, and work out everything in a civilized manner. These people are content with what they have and what they have experienced, and don't need to endure massive swings of emotions to know that what they feel is real.
Not every single relationship is a healthy one, but in regards to healthy relationships, both the exciting and stable relationships have the same outcomes. Whether there are higher highs and lower lows, or a near flat line, it all averages out to be the same; two people who put aside whatever differences they have to live a life with each other.
For the most part, lasting relationships can fall into two categories: exciting or stable. When people are inside a relationship there are always ups and downs, as described in the ever so popular analogy: a roller coaster of emotions. But how high and how low is necessary? Some people have different levels of tolerability in regards to how stable or exciting a relationship is; this isn't to say that the differences in these relationship styles are bad. Think of any healthy relationship like a frequency graph. Over time, the peaks and troughs on the graph of an exciting relationships can be higher and lower than in a stable relationship, but the average remains the same in both situations.
Some people need exciting relationships. They need to convince themselves that they still feel emotions, that the relationship that they have with this other person is real. They need someone who will convince them to do new things. Someone to argue with them; someone to leave them alone when things are going fine, and someone to completely rely on when they are feeling down. These are the people that you see yelling at each other in the line at the grocery store one minute, arguing over the dumbest thing, then the next minute holding hands walking off like nothing happened.
Then, there are the more stable relationships. The relationships whose graphs aren't peaks and valleys, but lulling hills. These are the people whose arguments aren't hot-headed fist fights, but perhaps have slightly raised voices and are easily reconciled. The people who hold their tongues until their anger has cooled down, and work out everything in a civilized manner. These people are content with what they have and what they have experienced, and don't need to endure massive swings of emotions to know that what they feel is real.
Not every single relationship is a healthy one, but in regards to healthy relationships, both the exciting and stable relationships have the same outcomes. Whether there are higher highs and lower lows, or a near flat line, it all averages out to be the same; two people who put aside whatever differences they have to live a life with each other.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Insufferable Wrongs
I had my heart broken today. No, not because of something that I experienced; this didn't involve me, or any of my friends, or even anyone that I had even seen before. My heart cracked because of something I saw; an evil in the world that had no emissary for the wronged. Something I could explain to you with words, but you would not understand what I meant. No human would understand the wrench that my heart felt when my eyes saw and my mind understood.
Even as I sat unnoticed with people all around me and quietly cried, so does this wrong go unnoticed. By all except for me. I cried for you, you who I do not know and will never see again. You are not alone.
I will not fall asleep easily tonight because of what I have experienced, and there is nothing I can do about it. Noone to tell of the wrong that I saw; noone to convince me that it won't happen again, and noone to tell me that it will be made right. I know God will make it right someday, but until then, I will speak to Him on behalf of the oppressed.
Even as I sat unnoticed with people all around me and quietly cried, so does this wrong go unnoticed. By all except for me. I cried for you, you who I do not know and will never see again. You are not alone.
I will not fall asleep easily tonight because of what I have experienced, and there is nothing I can do about it. Noone to tell of the wrong that I saw; noone to convince me that it won't happen again, and noone to tell me that it will be made right. I know God will make it right someday, but until then, I will speak to Him on behalf of the oppressed.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Fear
What makes people fear? What makes you fear? The first day of school. Public speaking. Roller coasters. Poverty. Pain. Rejection. Intimacy. Loneliness. Failure. Death.
In the end, what we fear most boils down to: helplessness and the unknown.
Why do little kids like night-lights? I mean, think about it--if monsters under the bed and in the closet really did exist, what good would a little light bulb plugged into a 120 volt socket actually do against it? Fear isn't so much in the actual event, experience, item, or player itself, but in the fact that we as humans like to know what is going to happen. We are creatures who like to plan ahead and know the future so we can attempt to control it.
Think of the fears that you have controlled in the past. Riding a bike down a steep hill. Having a spicy food. Riding a horse. Performing on stage. Think of all the joys that you have now that stemmed from a conquered fear. Many, I presume. If you never conquered your fears, you would have never left your crib and crawled on the floor. Never have opened the door to explore the great outdoors, never gone to school to learn, never gotten a job to grow, never gotten a friend to share life with.
We fear things that have no right to be feared. We simply fear them because we don't understand them, or we don't know what is going to happen. We hate being helpless and left in the dark, but at the same time, we live in the dark. We let our fears consume us and keep us from experiencing the fullness of life, just because we are unsure of what could happen.
When we finally go out on a limb and try that new food, jump out of the plane, and talk to that person, we grow. In the end, once we experience what we feared so much, we realize that it wasn't so bad after all. Maybe a Little pain, yes, but the cuts will heal and the scars will be unnoticeable. Perhaps, even a lesson can be learned and a new joy found. We find a new path to take and a new fear to conquer.
In the end, what we fear most boils down to: helplessness and the unknown.
Why do little kids like night-lights? I mean, think about it--if monsters under the bed and in the closet really did exist, what good would a little light bulb plugged into a 120 volt socket actually do against it? Fear isn't so much in the actual event, experience, item, or player itself, but in the fact that we as humans like to know what is going to happen. We are creatures who like to plan ahead and know the future so we can attempt to control it.
Think of the fears that you have controlled in the past. Riding a bike down a steep hill. Having a spicy food. Riding a horse. Performing on stage. Think of all the joys that you have now that stemmed from a conquered fear. Many, I presume. If you never conquered your fears, you would have never left your crib and crawled on the floor. Never have opened the door to explore the great outdoors, never gone to school to learn, never gotten a job to grow, never gotten a friend to share life with.
We fear things that have no right to be feared. We simply fear them because we don't understand them, or we don't know what is going to happen. We hate being helpless and left in the dark, but at the same time, we live in the dark. We let our fears consume us and keep us from experiencing the fullness of life, just because we are unsure of what could happen.
When we finally go out on a limb and try that new food, jump out of the plane, and talk to that person, we grow. In the end, once we experience what we feared so much, we realize that it wasn't so bad after all. Maybe a Little pain, yes, but the cuts will heal and the scars will be unnoticeable. Perhaps, even a lesson can be learned and a new joy found. We find a new path to take and a new fear to conquer.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
People
You know it, I know it--everyone is a person. Prisoners who sit in their cells, alone. Presidents who make world-changing decisions. Murderers who killed their wives. Frat boys who get drunk instead of studying. The founders of The United States. Nerds who sit on their computers all day. Telemarketers who call because it's their job. Maids who clean up disgusting messes. The terrorists from 9/11. The boys from Columbine. The victims from Columbine. The King of England. Sports Stars. Actors. Illegal aliens. Bums. Police officers. African children. Astronauts. The guy who works at McDonald's. The lady who is always walking her dog. Your school acquaintances. Your neighbor. Your closest friends. Your family.
It sounds stupid, I know, but how often do you stop to think about what it really means? As I go about my every day business, I see many people. The majority of the ones that I have more than a one minute interaction with, I have known personally for quite some time. I see their form and their face, and my mind begins to calculate certain things about them. Memories I have of them, what I expect of them, what they expect of me. It all works so naturally, almost like an auto-pilot, that I sometimes forget that they are just like me. Thinking. Feeling. People.
Every time you experience something that someone does to you or for you, think: other people are experiencing things also.
When you give someone a gift, to them, someone cares enough to think of their needs. When you compliment someone, to them, someone is making them feel good about themselves. When you make a joke at someones expense, to them, someone has hurt their feelings. When you lie to someone, to them, someone has disrespected them. When you kiss someone, to them, someone is being intimate with them. When you check someone out, to them, they are feeling good about themselves--or violated. When you beat someone in a game, to them, they are losers. When you lose to someone in a game, to them, they have defeated you. When you cheat against someone, to them, they have been stiffed what they worked hard for. When you do someone a favor, to them, someone cares enough to go out of their way for them. When you tell someone no, to them, they are being rejected. When you embarrass someone, to them, they feel ashamed. When you love someone, to them, they feel worth something.
Everyone is a person with wants, and needs, and desires. They have a body that sometimes doesn't fit, and a mind that sometimes is incomprehensible to others. They have things they like, things they despise. Things that are just a little bit annoying to them, and things that they can't live without. Favorite ice cream flavors, favorite colors, and allergies that make them sneeze. A favorite story, a best friend. A fear. A dream.
Think of all the joys and pains in life that you have experienced. Most of them, I'm sure, involve other people. People who have also had pains and joys. People, whose pains and joys were influenced by other people, just like yourself.
In the end, when you see a face that you are all too familiar with, stop yourself from the complacency of familiarity. Think,
"When I look into someones eyes, there is a history behind them. When I look into someones eyes, another person is looking back into mine."
It sounds stupid, I know, but how often do you stop to think about what it really means? As I go about my every day business, I see many people. The majority of the ones that I have more than a one minute interaction with, I have known personally for quite some time. I see their form and their face, and my mind begins to calculate certain things about them. Memories I have of them, what I expect of them, what they expect of me. It all works so naturally, almost like an auto-pilot, that I sometimes forget that they are just like me. Thinking. Feeling. People.
Every time you experience something that someone does to you or for you, think: other people are experiencing things also.
When you give someone a gift, to them, someone cares enough to think of their needs. When you compliment someone, to them, someone is making them feel good about themselves. When you make a joke at someones expense, to them, someone has hurt their feelings. When you lie to someone, to them, someone has disrespected them. When you kiss someone, to them, someone is being intimate with them. When you check someone out, to them, they are feeling good about themselves--or violated. When you beat someone in a game, to them, they are losers. When you lose to someone in a game, to them, they have defeated you. When you cheat against someone, to them, they have been stiffed what they worked hard for. When you do someone a favor, to them, someone cares enough to go out of their way for them. When you tell someone no, to them, they are being rejected. When you embarrass someone, to them, they feel ashamed. When you love someone, to them, they feel worth something.
Everyone is a person with wants, and needs, and desires. They have a body that sometimes doesn't fit, and a mind that sometimes is incomprehensible to others. They have things they like, things they despise. Things that are just a little bit annoying to them, and things that they can't live without. Favorite ice cream flavors, favorite colors, and allergies that make them sneeze. A favorite story, a best friend. A fear. A dream.
Think of all the joys and pains in life that you have experienced. Most of them, I'm sure, involve other people. People who have also had pains and joys. People, whose pains and joys were influenced by other people, just like yourself.
In the end, when you see a face that you are all too familiar with, stop yourself from the complacency of familiarity. Think,
"When I look into someones eyes, there is a history behind them. When I look into someones eyes, another person is looking back into mine."
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Extended Family
I like my family. Ok, perhaps not my immediate family--they are boring--but I do like my extended family. All my cousins, and uncles and aunts. I like having big family get togethers because we all get to see each other and catch up on life. I get to give my cousins wedgies, and they stick their fingers in my ears; my aunt rudely awakens me from naps in funny ways and my uncle moons me--we all have a blast.
I don't really remember ever being excited about seeing all of them until recently. I mean, I didn't hate family get togethers, but they were just another manditory part of life where I had to dress up in uncomfortable clothes and behave myself for a few hours while all the grown-ups had a glass of wine and a long boring conversation. As I have gotten older, however, I have come to look forward to seeing my family.
Even around very close friends, there is somewhat of a barrier that cannot be crossed in regards to acceptable social behaviors. There isn't as much of that barrier with family. Friends don't have to accept you. They accept you because they care about you--flaws and all--and that is what makes them worth hanging around, but family has to accept you, grime and grit. Nearly no matter what you do, your family will always be around for you. I said this in a somewhat joking manner in regards to being obnoxious and annoying, but I am very serious. Family should always be there for you. That is the kind of family I want to have.
I want to marry into a family that cares about each other deeply...and has a blast. I want to look forward to having family events. Not a normal American family wherin everyone has been divorced twice and has two different sets of kids who all hate each other and are competing for attention. Not a family where uncle Joe and uncle Bob wont talk to each other even though they are the same room because they had a fight two years ago. Not a family where everyone is seeing each other just so they can go back to work after the three day weekend and not see everyone 'til next year. Not a family where the guy who married in feels like he doesn't fit, or the neice feels left out. I want a family that works out their differences and accepts each other. A family that laughs at the past and interacts with each other all the time.
I want to be able to wrestle with my nephews and laugh with my inlaws. I want my kids and their kids to want to see each other all the time because of how close they are. I want to live relatively close to my relatives so I don't have to take an eight-hour trip to see them. I want thirty-person thanksgiving dinners and a cabin that everyone can enjoy together during vacations. I don't want to have to have a family reunion every 10 years because we should be seeing each other all the time.
When it comes down to it--I don't want my family to just be a bunch of people who happen to share some of the same blood as me, so we are required to try to be friendly with each other and see everyone every couple years. I want a family that is a real family, not just in name, but in action.
I don't really remember ever being excited about seeing all of them until recently. I mean, I didn't hate family get togethers, but they were just another manditory part of life where I had to dress up in uncomfortable clothes and behave myself for a few hours while all the grown-ups had a glass of wine and a long boring conversation. As I have gotten older, however, I have come to look forward to seeing my family.
Even around very close friends, there is somewhat of a barrier that cannot be crossed in regards to acceptable social behaviors. There isn't as much of that barrier with family. Friends don't have to accept you. They accept you because they care about you--flaws and all--and that is what makes them worth hanging around, but family has to accept you, grime and grit. Nearly no matter what you do, your family will always be around for you. I said this in a somewhat joking manner in regards to being obnoxious and annoying, but I am very serious. Family should always be there for you. That is the kind of family I want to have.
I want to marry into a family that cares about each other deeply...and has a blast. I want to look forward to having family events. Not a normal American family wherin everyone has been divorced twice and has two different sets of kids who all hate each other and are competing for attention. Not a family where uncle Joe and uncle Bob wont talk to each other even though they are the same room because they had a fight two years ago. Not a family where everyone is seeing each other just so they can go back to work after the three day weekend and not see everyone 'til next year. Not a family where the guy who married in feels like he doesn't fit, or the neice feels left out. I want a family that works out their differences and accepts each other. A family that laughs at the past and interacts with each other all the time.
I want to be able to wrestle with my nephews and laugh with my inlaws. I want my kids and their kids to want to see each other all the time because of how close they are. I want to live relatively close to my relatives so I don't have to take an eight-hour trip to see them. I want thirty-person thanksgiving dinners and a cabin that everyone can enjoy together during vacations. I don't want to have to have a family reunion every 10 years because we should be seeing each other all the time.
When it comes down to it--I don't want my family to just be a bunch of people who happen to share some of the same blood as me, so we are required to try to be friendly with each other and see everyone every couple years. I want a family that is a real family, not just in name, but in action.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Conflict and Reconciliation
I tend to be the peacemaker amongst my friends. This isn't only because I have the physical ability to hold one of them back if need be to prevent physical harm to the other, but because I tend to understand both sides of a situation fairly well. (If I am uninvolved in the argument of course. Even I get hot headed sometimes!) Lots of people come to me for advice, and/or expect me to help them diffuse a lot of problematic situations. I can't count the number of times that I have literally stood between two people yelling and screaming at each other, trying to help them work out their differences.
Problems can range from video games, to girls, to sports, to poker, to ordering pizza--guys argue about some of the stupidest things, and it can escalate quickly from three guys sitting on a couch, too lazy to get up for a soda, into a near fist fight.
After all my time involved in mediating arguments, there are a few conclusions that I have come to:
Deal with it quickly. There is no point in harboring resentment and angry feelings towards your friends any longer than you have to. True, maybe confronting them about the situation will be a slightly uncomfortable for a while, but in the end it is better that you work it out quicker. Don't run away, work it out or the pressure will build and lasting damage could occur. True, it may be wise to let the hot feelings of anger fizzle out a little bit so you don't say hurtful things to your friends that you will later regret. However, it isn't good to stew on something that is bothering you. Who knows--maybe the other person doesn't even know that you are angry at them, and you are letting your insides get all twisted up for no reason!
Understanding is better than yelling. There are two sides to every story and two opinions to every argument. Sometimes conflicts arise because of true differences between what two people expect, but more often than not, they arise because of miscommunication. You are more likely to defuse an argument by listening to the other person's perspective on the situation than having a yelling contest to make sure they hear what you have to say. Even if you think you know what they are going to say, it will make them feel so much better about themselves in that you actually value what they are trying to say, and sometimes you can actually learn something about them!
On a side note, one thing that I have noticed is that, after guys fight, they are totally over it. There is no more drama--even enemies can be friends after the stress is released. Girls, however, tend to harbor anger for years on end and never let go of their thoughts of revenge. Girl fights are nasty.
In the end, the relationship will be stronger after an argument is resolved. Fighting isn't necessairly bad if it is dealt with in the correct way. Most people judge relationships by how many conflicts occur and think that if you have tons of conflicts all the time--it is bad. Sure, the end result in a perfect world is that two people will understand each other so completely that there is no need for conflict whatsoever--but we don't live in a perfect world. There are going to be conflicts, and imperfections, and anger and frusturation in any relationship. Suck it up and work it out--if the kinks are worked out, the relationship will have lasted so much longer and be so much stronger in the end.
Problems can range from video games, to girls, to sports, to poker, to ordering pizza--guys argue about some of the stupidest things, and it can escalate quickly from three guys sitting on a couch, too lazy to get up for a soda, into a near fist fight.
After all my time involved in mediating arguments, there are a few conclusions that I have come to:
Deal with it quickly. There is no point in harboring resentment and angry feelings towards your friends any longer than you have to. True, maybe confronting them about the situation will be a slightly uncomfortable for a while, but in the end it is better that you work it out quicker. Don't run away, work it out or the pressure will build and lasting damage could occur. True, it may be wise to let the hot feelings of anger fizzle out a little bit so you don't say hurtful things to your friends that you will later regret. However, it isn't good to stew on something that is bothering you. Who knows--maybe the other person doesn't even know that you are angry at them, and you are letting your insides get all twisted up for no reason!
Understanding is better than yelling. There are two sides to every story and two opinions to every argument. Sometimes conflicts arise because of true differences between what two people expect, but more often than not, they arise because of miscommunication. You are more likely to defuse an argument by listening to the other person's perspective on the situation than having a yelling contest to make sure they hear what you have to say. Even if you think you know what they are going to say, it will make them feel so much better about themselves in that you actually value what they are trying to say, and sometimes you can actually learn something about them!
On a side note, one thing that I have noticed is that, after guys fight, they are totally over it. There is no more drama--even enemies can be friends after the stress is released. Girls, however, tend to harbor anger for years on end and never let go of their thoughts of revenge. Girl fights are nasty.
In the end, the relationship will be stronger after an argument is resolved. Fighting isn't necessairly bad if it is dealt with in the correct way. Most people judge relationships by how many conflicts occur and think that if you have tons of conflicts all the time--it is bad. Sure, the end result in a perfect world is that two people will understand each other so completely that there is no need for conflict whatsoever--but we don't live in a perfect world. There are going to be conflicts, and imperfections, and anger and frusturation in any relationship. Suck it up and work it out--if the kinks are worked out, the relationship will have lasted so much longer and be so much stronger in the end.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Fitting In
I have always been an outcast. I am not just saying this because I think that cliques are a way for insecure people to hide in the masses. While cliques are this, I think that cliquing is a natural part of human society--we gravitate towards people who are similar to us, and shun those who are different. Ok, perhaps outcast is a strong word. I don't think that I have ever been really hated by someone, but at the same time, I don't feel like I have ever belonged anywhere. Anywhere. (If you hate me and are reading this, then you suck for hating me.) Of course there are the people who I tended to avoid because they were just straight up jerks, but instead of talking about them, let us float back in time to an era many many years ago; Elementary School.
I attended an elementary school for 2 years which was called Kellogg School. Looking back at the friends that I made while at Kellogg school, I can see now that they were all the people who would be popular in highschool; all the jocks and all the skaters, all the people who had all the fun and got all the girls. We would spend our recesses playing sports on the fields, and handball on the asphault. Halfway through elementary school, I switched schools to attend Brandon School. The friends that I made at this school were the kids who were generally associated with the nerd crowd. The smart kids. We would spend recesses reading books (Yes, I was one of those kids), or playing make beleive stories on the jungle gym, or playing chess.
Now we reach Junior High and Highschool. These weren't exactly amazing experiences for me. I didn't dread waking up in the morning, but I also wasn't looking forward to spending six hours in stuffy rooms with my peers who were all trying to figure out who they were at the cost of other people's wellbeing. I wasn't friendless, but I wasn't someone who everyone was itching to be around. I didn't belong to any single crowd; I was a floater. Some lunches would be spent throwing the frisbee with the frisbee kids, and some would be spent balling with the ballers. Some would be spent talking about books and movies in the library with the nerds, and some would be spent talking about skateboarding with the skaters.
Now, this has given me a valuable perspective on cliques that most people don't tend to see because they stick to their own group, but there is a downside. People see me, and go "There is the Nerd, or the Skater, or the Jock, or the Smart guy...", but they don't actually know all of me. The skaters all think im a nerd, and the nerds all think I'm a jock, and the jock's all think Im a skater. I guess the one crowd that I never fit into was the cheerleading crowd. We all knew I wasn't one of them.
This led to a situation wherein I was incorrectly identified as a member of another group that was not the group that I was being identified by. If that doesn't make sense, think of it like this. To the Jocks I was too smart and not athletic enough, to the Skaters I was too preppy and not punk enough, and to the Nerds I was too popular and not smart enough, to the Christians I had too many non-christian friends and said bad words sometimes, and to the non-christians, I went to Christian Club too often and was a goody-two-shoes. I spent just enough time with each group to be associated by other groups as from a different group, but not enough time to become proficient in any acitivity or be fully associated with one group. To me, I was just well rounded. To everyone else, I was un-noticed. Average.
People tend to distance themselves from other people who they percieve to be too different, as a defense mechanism. This has led to a situation where, in the process of my trying to identify with lots of different types of people, I have been distanced from all of them. I am just 'that guy' who lots of people recognize, but nobody really KNOWS. They figure that I am alright at what they do, but that I must be better at something else. So even though they never see me doing that thing, they always associate me with that because they see me hanging out with people who arent them. I have spent so much time diversifying my skills and friends that all my skills are average and my relationships are superficial. People see that they and I aren't very close, so they assume that I am close with the other people.
By my age, most people have decided how they want other people to see them. They dress nice so people think they are wealthy and educated. They drive a truck so people think they are rugged. They ride a skateboard so people think they are rebels. They dress or decorate themselves a certain way so people think they are progressive. I do all of these things, and none of these things. I don't think that I will every truly fit into a single group. Maybe sometimes I will feel alone and depressed because of it, but at the same time, I will never have limited myself into being one type of person. I don't have to worry about the way I dress, or the words I say, or the car I drive because I am already dissasociated from everyone anyway. I can be who I want to be. Who I am.
I am my own group.
I attended an elementary school for 2 years which was called Kellogg School. Looking back at the friends that I made while at Kellogg school, I can see now that they were all the people who would be popular in highschool; all the jocks and all the skaters, all the people who had all the fun and got all the girls. We would spend our recesses playing sports on the fields, and handball on the asphault. Halfway through elementary school, I switched schools to attend Brandon School. The friends that I made at this school were the kids who were generally associated with the nerd crowd. The smart kids. We would spend recesses reading books (Yes, I was one of those kids), or playing make beleive stories on the jungle gym, or playing chess.
Now we reach Junior High and Highschool. These weren't exactly amazing experiences for me. I didn't dread waking up in the morning, but I also wasn't looking forward to spending six hours in stuffy rooms with my peers who were all trying to figure out who they were at the cost of other people's wellbeing. I wasn't friendless, but I wasn't someone who everyone was itching to be around. I didn't belong to any single crowd; I was a floater. Some lunches would be spent throwing the frisbee with the frisbee kids, and some would be spent balling with the ballers. Some would be spent talking about books and movies in the library with the nerds, and some would be spent talking about skateboarding with the skaters.
Now, this has given me a valuable perspective on cliques that most people don't tend to see because they stick to their own group, but there is a downside. People see me, and go "There is the Nerd, or the Skater, or the Jock, or the Smart guy...", but they don't actually know all of me. The skaters all think im a nerd, and the nerds all think I'm a jock, and the jock's all think Im a skater. I guess the one crowd that I never fit into was the cheerleading crowd. We all knew I wasn't one of them.
This led to a situation wherein I was incorrectly identified as a member of another group that was not the group that I was being identified by. If that doesn't make sense, think of it like this. To the Jocks I was too smart and not athletic enough, to the Skaters I was too preppy and not punk enough, and to the Nerds I was too popular and not smart enough, to the Christians I had too many non-christian friends and said bad words sometimes, and to the non-christians, I went to Christian Club too often and was a goody-two-shoes. I spent just enough time with each group to be associated by other groups as from a different group, but not enough time to become proficient in any acitivity or be fully associated with one group. To me, I was just well rounded. To everyone else, I was un-noticed. Average.
People tend to distance themselves from other people who they percieve to be too different, as a defense mechanism. This has led to a situation where, in the process of my trying to identify with lots of different types of people, I have been distanced from all of them. I am just 'that guy' who lots of people recognize, but nobody really KNOWS. They figure that I am alright at what they do, but that I must be better at something else. So even though they never see me doing that thing, they always associate me with that because they see me hanging out with people who arent them. I have spent so much time diversifying my skills and friends that all my skills are average and my relationships are superficial. People see that they and I aren't very close, so they assume that I am close with the other people.
By my age, most people have decided how they want other people to see them. They dress nice so people think they are wealthy and educated. They drive a truck so people think they are rugged. They ride a skateboard so people think they are rebels. They dress or decorate themselves a certain way so people think they are progressive. I do all of these things, and none of these things. I don't think that I will every truly fit into a single group. Maybe sometimes I will feel alone and depressed because of it, but at the same time, I will never have limited myself into being one type of person. I don't have to worry about the way I dress, or the words I say, or the car I drive because I am already dissasociated from everyone anyway. I can be who I want to be. Who I am.
I am my own group.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Spiders
I was in my back yard the other day, taking a nap in the warm sun. True...it is nearing mid-November but this fact doesn't stop the weather where I live from being 75 degrees without a cloud in the sky. I like it that way. So anyway, I was sitting on this nice reclining chair that I have in my backyard, my eyes getting heavier and heavier, when I happen to glance straight up at a plane going overhead. It was a rather loud plane and in my mind I was pretending to shoot it down because it had woke me up out of that 'nearly asleep' state. I might have even made a "pew pew" noise with my mouth for effect. As it passed overhead, my eyes refocused on this thing in between me and the sky. A fat spider. Huge. Gross. Hairy. Orange. I got out of the chair very quickly, and was certainly wide awake.
Now I keep it no secret that I'm not exactly a fan of spiders. I would even go so far as to say that I have slight arachnophobia. I mean, sure, I have been around long enough to realize that little spiders aren't going to come hunting for me just so they can bite me and give me welts and/or kill me with their venom, but I still don't like them in close proximity to me. The more I think about it, the more I realize that it's not the fact of seeing a spider that truly scares me. I start to get freaked out when I have just seen it a couple minutes ago, and when I look back, it's gone.
Like I was saying, this happened a couple days ago, and I went back into my yard today. I remembered that there was a spider, so I went to go check to see if it was still there. To my great relief, it was. Literally in the exact same spot as before. The only evidence that it had ever moved was that there was some unlucky insect all wound up in the web, the juices no doubt sucked from him already. I like to think about nature and animal instincts and such, (Yes, even spiders)so I began to ponder the spider's life.
She is born. She makes a web. Sits there for a while. Sits there some more. Catches a bug. Remakes the web. Catches another bug. Sits there some more. Sits there some more. And Some more. And some more. Other than the fact that they might chase me around sometimes, or get eaten by birds--I really couldn't think of anything else that spiders do. Sure, I know that they are an important part of our ecosystem because they take care of pests, etc. etc. blah blah, but after I realized that those few things were all that the spider's life consisted of, I felt kind of depressed. After it makes a web, it kind of just sits around doing literally nothing for twenty three hours and fifty five minutes per day. It uses the other 5 to feed.
Are spiders content to just sit there and wait all day doing nothing until it eats? I know my dog isn't content to do that, and neither am I. I guess I am just happy that there is more to my life than eating and sleeping. Don't get me wrong, I love both those things, but to quote Hamlet, "What is a man if his chief good and market of his time be but to sleep and feed? A beast, no more..." I kinda feel like I should be living with a little bit extra excitement, just for all the spiders who have to sit around doing nothing, just waiting for their food all day.
Now I keep it no secret that I'm not exactly a fan of spiders. I would even go so far as to say that I have slight arachnophobia. I mean, sure, I have been around long enough to realize that little spiders aren't going to come hunting for me just so they can bite me and give me welts and/or kill me with their venom, but I still don't like them in close proximity to me. The more I think about it, the more I realize that it's not the fact of seeing a spider that truly scares me. I start to get freaked out when I have just seen it a couple minutes ago, and when I look back, it's gone.
Like I was saying, this happened a couple days ago, and I went back into my yard today. I remembered that there was a spider, so I went to go check to see if it was still there. To my great relief, it was. Literally in the exact same spot as before. The only evidence that it had ever moved was that there was some unlucky insect all wound up in the web, the juices no doubt sucked from him already. I like to think about nature and animal instincts and such, (Yes, even spiders)so I began to ponder the spider's life.
She is born. She makes a web. Sits there for a while. Sits there some more. Catches a bug. Remakes the web. Catches another bug. Sits there some more. Sits there some more. And Some more. And some more. Other than the fact that they might chase me around sometimes, or get eaten by birds--I really couldn't think of anything else that spiders do. Sure, I know that they are an important part of our ecosystem because they take care of pests, etc. etc. blah blah, but after I realized that those few things were all that the spider's life consisted of, I felt kind of depressed. After it makes a web, it kind of just sits around doing literally nothing for twenty three hours and fifty five minutes per day. It uses the other 5 to feed.
Are spiders content to just sit there and wait all day doing nothing until it eats? I know my dog isn't content to do that, and neither am I. I guess I am just happy that there is more to my life than eating and sleeping. Don't get me wrong, I love both those things, but to quote Hamlet, "What is a man if his chief good and market of his time be but to sleep and feed? A beast, no more..." I kinda feel like I should be living with a little bit extra excitement, just for all the spiders who have to sit around doing nothing, just waiting for their food all day.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Video Games
Video games used to play a huge part in my life. When I woke up, the first thing I did was turn on my computer so I could start off the day with a nice little gaming session. Depending on my schedule, I would play throughout the day then end up sitting at my computer at night, playing until I felt too tired to go on. I would then dream about the video games and wake up and repeat the whole process.
At my peak, I was probably playing for three to four hours per day on average. Yea, thats a huge number when I look back on it, but it didn't seem like it at the time. (I don't feel TOO bad because some of my friends have told me they spent an average of fourty hours per week playing video games.) Of course, it wasn't three hours EVERY day, some days it was one hour and some days it was twenty four hours.
In my Competitiveness blog, I breifly mention about chemicles in the brain making us feel good when we accomplish something. Video games are no different. Well, it is different in the fact that we aren't actually accomplishing anything when we accomplish something. Our brain makes us feel good about winning in something that doesn't even exist. This is one reason it is so addicting. You can literally gain self-satisfaction by doing next to nothing physically.
When I discovered video games, I realized that I was pretty darn good at them compared to most other people. The video games that I played required me to use my mind, and my mind would adjust to the scope of the video game for optimum performance. In games where I had to shoot people, I would learn the layout of the maps and plan out multiple attack paths. I became a virtual effecient killing machine. In games where I had to build a city, I would find the optimal way to build my city while also defending it from my enemy and destroying his city by excellent control of my army. I became a tactical mastermind and general.
I think that one draw of video games besides the competition is the fact that it allows us to use our imagination. When I play a video game, I don't play the "go to school" game, or the basketball or soccer games. I can do all that stuff in real life. I play the games where I can shoot aliens and blow buildings up. It gives us a sense of power, and also makes us feel like our life is more interesting than it really is.
I used to think that I loved video games, but as I have gotten older, I realize that I played them because that is what my friends did. We tend to take on the characteristics and hobbies of our friends because having things to do in common brings people closer. Sure, I still enjoy them, but not as much as I used to. I have learned that video games will always be there. You don't need to spend so many consecutive hours playing them because it isn't going to get up and walk away. I would rather do things in person with my friends. I am at a point where if I am playing a video game and my friend calls me to do something, I will just drop it because I know it will still be there in two hours; saved games are helpful.
I haven't completely kicked video games, but I am at a different stage in my life now. I don't play them because I think about it all day, I play them as a space filler when there is nothing else to do. As more and more of my friends start dropping away from video games, I found that I am doing the same because there is no longer anyone to compete with. I realize that I am sitting at my computer not because I want to, but because I am waiting for something better to come along. I am looking for more interesting things to do in my life, and when they come, I will take them on with the same vigor that I lent to video games.
At my peak, I was probably playing for three to four hours per day on average. Yea, thats a huge number when I look back on it, but it didn't seem like it at the time. (I don't feel TOO bad because some of my friends have told me they spent an average of fourty hours per week playing video games.) Of course, it wasn't three hours EVERY day, some days it was one hour and some days it was twenty four hours.
In my Competitiveness blog, I breifly mention about chemicles in the brain making us feel good when we accomplish something. Video games are no different. Well, it is different in the fact that we aren't actually accomplishing anything when we accomplish something. Our brain makes us feel good about winning in something that doesn't even exist. This is one reason it is so addicting. You can literally gain self-satisfaction by doing next to nothing physically.
When I discovered video games, I realized that I was pretty darn good at them compared to most other people. The video games that I played required me to use my mind, and my mind would adjust to the scope of the video game for optimum performance. In games where I had to shoot people, I would learn the layout of the maps and plan out multiple attack paths. I became a virtual effecient killing machine. In games where I had to build a city, I would find the optimal way to build my city while also defending it from my enemy and destroying his city by excellent control of my army. I became a tactical mastermind and general.
I think that one draw of video games besides the competition is the fact that it allows us to use our imagination. When I play a video game, I don't play the "go to school" game, or the basketball or soccer games. I can do all that stuff in real life. I play the games where I can shoot aliens and blow buildings up. It gives us a sense of power, and also makes us feel like our life is more interesting than it really is.
I used to think that I loved video games, but as I have gotten older, I realize that I played them because that is what my friends did. We tend to take on the characteristics and hobbies of our friends because having things to do in common brings people closer. Sure, I still enjoy them, but not as much as I used to. I have learned that video games will always be there. You don't need to spend so many consecutive hours playing them because it isn't going to get up and walk away. I would rather do things in person with my friends. I am at a point where if I am playing a video game and my friend calls me to do something, I will just drop it because I know it will still be there in two hours; saved games are helpful.
I haven't completely kicked video games, but I am at a different stage in my life now. I don't play them because I think about it all day, I play them as a space filler when there is nothing else to do. As more and more of my friends start dropping away from video games, I found that I am doing the same because there is no longer anyone to compete with. I realize that I am sitting at my computer not because I want to, but because I am waiting for something better to come along. I am looking for more interesting things to do in my life, and when they come, I will take them on with the same vigor that I lent to video games.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Little Kids
I like children. Particularly the ones that are old enough to run, but haven't yet entered school. This isn't to say that I hate babies and all little kids who have reached kindergarten; they just aren't optimal. There is a simplicity that emanates from kids this age which gives me joy. They are old enough to understand what is going on around them, but young enough to still be naive. It makes me forget that there are bad things in the world and that I have problems that need to be taken care of. Sure, there are the little kids who are super grimy all the time, have the boogers dripping down their noses, and the super long, dirty nails that they are always scratching you with--but their mindset is simple. Here. Now. Fun.
Of course, this is not a mindset that works for the rest of one's life. Maturity must be reached to realize that you have to prepare for the future, and you can't always be having fun; this ideology works really well for little kids though. It gives them innocence.
They aren't worried about what you think of them, they don't think bad of you if your tongue slips on a sentence, of if you are rolling around on the ground with them getting dirt on your clothes. They don't even notice if you are dressed differently than is fashionable, or look a little strange compared to everyone else. They just want to have fun, and they haven't yet experienced the knife of betrayal or the taint of societal norms. Everyone is their friend and they trust everyone.
Kids who have reached kindergarten aren't so naive anymore. They realize that they have to compete for attention and resources, and that there are some things which are inappropriate to do to other people. Important lessons, yes, but the competition turns into a mini-gang war where cliques and outcasts are formed. They start to purposefully do mean things to each other, and this is cultivated by the messages in movies that kids are seeing earlier and earlier. They try too hard to act like adults when they should just enjoy their young years. Adults have to make hard decisions, little kids shouldn't.
I'm not sure why, but little kids always seem to gravitate towards me. I don't see what it is that makes kids want to be around me, but they do. I'm not particularly smiley all the time, and I don't always carry candy around in my pockets. Even if I did, I still wouldn't share it. It could be the age that I am right now. Maybe there is something intuitive inside them that sees me and says, "Look, there is a big person. Big people know what life is about, but this one--he isn't as grumpy as all the other big people. He still knows how to have fun. He is like me."
It's a bummer because once they grow up some more, experience work, pain, sickness, rejection and betrayal, they will begin to harden. Suddenly, they begin to judge you and your actions. These things aforementioned are necessary for growth in life, but even I am still losing a little bit more innocence every day. I wish it wasn't so.
Of course, this is not a mindset that works for the rest of one's life. Maturity must be reached to realize that you have to prepare for the future, and you can't always be having fun; this ideology works really well for little kids though. It gives them innocence.
They aren't worried about what you think of them, they don't think bad of you if your tongue slips on a sentence, of if you are rolling around on the ground with them getting dirt on your clothes. They don't even notice if you are dressed differently than is fashionable, or look a little strange compared to everyone else. They just want to have fun, and they haven't yet experienced the knife of betrayal or the taint of societal norms. Everyone is their friend and they trust everyone.
Kids who have reached kindergarten aren't so naive anymore. They realize that they have to compete for attention and resources, and that there are some things which are inappropriate to do to other people. Important lessons, yes, but the competition turns into a mini-gang war where cliques and outcasts are formed. They start to purposefully do mean things to each other, and this is cultivated by the messages in movies that kids are seeing earlier and earlier. They try too hard to act like adults when they should just enjoy their young years. Adults have to make hard decisions, little kids shouldn't.
I'm not sure why, but little kids always seem to gravitate towards me. I don't see what it is that makes kids want to be around me, but they do. I'm not particularly smiley all the time, and I don't always carry candy around in my pockets. Even if I did, I still wouldn't share it. It could be the age that I am right now. Maybe there is something intuitive inside them that sees me and says, "Look, there is a big person. Big people know what life is about, but this one--he isn't as grumpy as all the other big people. He still knows how to have fun. He is like me."
It's a bummer because once they grow up some more, experience work, pain, sickness, rejection and betrayal, they will begin to harden. Suddenly, they begin to judge you and your actions. These things aforementioned are necessary for growth in life, but even I am still losing a little bit more innocence every day. I wish it wasn't so.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Sacrifice
I feel like the true meaning of this word is lost on military cliches, chess strategies, and murmurs of ancient Aztec rituals. There is something more.
This definition, taken verbatim from the dictionary reads, "The surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim." Even though this is an accurate description of the word, It lacks something. It is rather impersonal; it lacks intimacy, passion and heart. It rightly describes the action, but isn't descriptive enough of the one making the sacrifice.
The act of sacrifice is an act of love. Giving up something desired or loved in return for a greater love, a better future, or sometimes...nothing. Sometimes sacrifice is about preparing for your own future, but sometimes sacrifice is about making sure the ones you love will be taken care of, even if they never know the deeds that were done. True, this is a worthy cause of "pressing claim", but it has nothing to do with the person making the sacrifice. It is a sacrifice wherin the reward is gained by another at the cost of oneself. A reward that might even be rejected or misunderstood. This is true love.
Some children will never understand the things that their parents who love them do for them. The hours they work, the cut-backs they make, the time they commit. Some friends will never know the things that their friends did for them. They will never know the selfless acts that were done with no thought of reward or even recognition for their deeds. Acts which tore their heart as they were done, but were done whole-heartedly nonehteless. They will sometimes not understand, and sometimes not even know.
True sacrifice is about the sacrificer making sure that the person they love can have the best life possible. Sacrifice doesn't always have a personal reward, sometimes it is truly selfless. But who looks after those who sacrifice something prized, something loved so much, for the well-being of those they care about?
This definition, taken verbatim from the dictionary reads, "The surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim." Even though this is an accurate description of the word, It lacks something. It is rather impersonal; it lacks intimacy, passion and heart. It rightly describes the action, but isn't descriptive enough of the one making the sacrifice.
The act of sacrifice is an act of love. Giving up something desired or loved in return for a greater love, a better future, or sometimes...nothing. Sometimes sacrifice is about preparing for your own future, but sometimes sacrifice is about making sure the ones you love will be taken care of, even if they never know the deeds that were done. True, this is a worthy cause of "pressing claim", but it has nothing to do with the person making the sacrifice. It is a sacrifice wherin the reward is gained by another at the cost of oneself. A reward that might even be rejected or misunderstood. This is true love.
Some children will never understand the things that their parents who love them do for them. The hours they work, the cut-backs they make, the time they commit. Some friends will never know the things that their friends did for them. They will never know the selfless acts that were done with no thought of reward or even recognition for their deeds. Acts which tore their heart as they were done, but were done whole-heartedly nonehteless. They will sometimes not understand, and sometimes not even know.
True sacrifice is about the sacrificer making sure that the person they love can have the best life possible. Sacrifice doesn't always have a personal reward, sometimes it is truly selfless. But who looks after those who sacrifice something prized, something loved so much, for the well-being of those they care about?
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Competitiveness
One thing that I have noticed after twenty two years of life, is that males are very competitive. Some are more passive in their competitiveness, but for the most part, every guy is willing to step up to protect their dignity--some perhaps too aggressively.
When looking back on some moments in my life--my friends and I have argued over the stupidest things. "I am older than you, I am taller than you, I can play this video game better than you, I ate more than you, I am sicker than you are, I can run faster than you, I can jump higher than you..." The list goes on. After I proved all of them wrong, there was nothing for my friends to do except argue with me more, and make excuses about why they would be better. Obviously, the fact that they hurt their ankle, or they had a headache, or they had just eaten an hour ago made the competition unfair.
Sure, there is a healthy amount of competition that makes life interesting. When I play games or sports with friends who don't actually try, it is boring! When we win at something, our brain releases chemicles that make us feel good about ourselves. When you know in the back of your mind that your win was a fluke, you don't get those good chemical-y feelings. However, there is also such a thing as too competitive. When you are willing to break rules, hurt feelings, and physically hurt your friends just to assert your dominance over them, a step needs to be taken back and a deep breath taken.
I saw some animal in myself tonight, and I was rather shocked. I'm not exactly one of the super-aggressive people who will stop at nothing just to win. Yes, I am very competitive, but I'm pretty good at knowing where to draw the line. Some friends wanted to box, and I, being the intelligent, cool-headed one of the group, declined the invitation of a bloody nose, fat lip, and sore jaw. I did, however, show up just to watch the fights, and get some social interaction and entertainment. Five minutes after showing up, some jeers and name calling from my peers forced me to take action. I found myself in the ring with a pair of gloves on my hands, taking full advantage of my friends' faces.
Sure, some very unlucky things would have had to happen for someone to get extremely hurt, but after landing quite a few good hits on someone's face who was a little bit smaller than me, I didn't feel too good about myself. He challenged me whole-heartedly, and definitely wouldn't have given me any grace, but I still felt bad. Even after beating someone else who had a significant weight advantage on me, I still felt bad because he wasn't someone who I would normally fight with or even want to hit. We just found ourselves together in the ring, at odds with each other, and our animalistic natures took over.
What drives people to be so competitive over the smallest things? In a few words--people want other people to like them. Guys want girls to notice how good they are at physical things because that means they make good gene mixers, and guys want other guys to see how good they are at everything because then they can assert their alpha male dominance. People want to be noticed and for others to see that they are worth something. It is good to have talents and be better at some things than others, but think about it--what good is arguing over something that doesn't matter in the long run? Try competing about things that matter; it makes you feel a lot better about yourself when you win.
When looking back on some moments in my life--my friends and I have argued over the stupidest things. "I am older than you, I am taller than you, I can play this video game better than you, I ate more than you, I am sicker than you are, I can run faster than you, I can jump higher than you..." The list goes on. After I proved all of them wrong, there was nothing for my friends to do except argue with me more, and make excuses about why they would be better. Obviously, the fact that they hurt their ankle, or they had a headache, or they had just eaten an hour ago made the competition unfair.
Sure, there is a healthy amount of competition that makes life interesting. When I play games or sports with friends who don't actually try, it is boring! When we win at something, our brain releases chemicles that make us feel good about ourselves. When you know in the back of your mind that your win was a fluke, you don't get those good chemical-y feelings. However, there is also such a thing as too competitive. When you are willing to break rules, hurt feelings, and physically hurt your friends just to assert your dominance over them, a step needs to be taken back and a deep breath taken.
I saw some animal in myself tonight, and I was rather shocked. I'm not exactly one of the super-aggressive people who will stop at nothing just to win. Yes, I am very competitive, but I'm pretty good at knowing where to draw the line. Some friends wanted to box, and I, being the intelligent, cool-headed one of the group, declined the invitation of a bloody nose, fat lip, and sore jaw. I did, however, show up just to watch the fights, and get some social interaction and entertainment. Five minutes after showing up, some jeers and name calling from my peers forced me to take action. I found myself in the ring with a pair of gloves on my hands, taking full advantage of my friends' faces.
Sure, some very unlucky things would have had to happen for someone to get extremely hurt, but after landing quite a few good hits on someone's face who was a little bit smaller than me, I didn't feel too good about myself. He challenged me whole-heartedly, and definitely wouldn't have given me any grace, but I still felt bad. Even after beating someone else who had a significant weight advantage on me, I still felt bad because he wasn't someone who I would normally fight with or even want to hit. We just found ourselves together in the ring, at odds with each other, and our animalistic natures took over.
What drives people to be so competitive over the smallest things? In a few words--people want other people to like them. Guys want girls to notice how good they are at physical things because that means they make good gene mixers, and guys want other guys to see how good they are at everything because then they can assert their alpha male dominance. People want to be noticed and for others to see that they are worth something. It is good to have talents and be better at some things than others, but think about it--what good is arguing over something that doesn't matter in the long run? Try competing about things that matter; it makes you feel a lot better about yourself when you win.
Being Different
You are different than me. Most people look at me and think to themselves, "Wow, he is the epitome of perfection!", but being different than me isn't a bad thing. It makes you unique. You are different than me, than my parents, than your parents, than your neighbors, than their uncles and aunts, than the cat lady down the street, and the bum on the corner. Different is good. Diversity brings new and exciting things into life. The same is boring, and it leads to closed-mindedness.
Where would we be in a world where everyone was the same? There would be no Shakespeare, no Motzart, no Galileo and Einstein, no Jack Johnson, no Rodney Mullen, and no Kobe Bryant. Not that I am particularly fond of Kobe Bryant, but I digress. If everyone was the same, we would all live in little bland houses with the same amount of rooms, lawns all exactly the same height, and all drive the same type of car around. We would all have the same number of kids in the back seat, all named John, and wearing the same thing. There would be nothing to talk about, nothing new to experience, nobody new to meet. Actually, there would be no cars, or computers or houses--everyone would have been content to live they way they had been living for generations, and there would be no new innovations.
When you look at your friends, how do they compare to you? Does everyone you hang out with paint their nails the same color? Does everyone wear their hair the same, and tell the same jokes, and listen to the same song over and over and over again? Do they all like the same foods and colors and flavors of ice cream? Do they all find the same traits in people attractive, and all have the same talents? There is nothing wrong with having friends who enjoy some of the same things as you--some familiarity is good and draws people closer, but think about it--really. How much of the same do you want in your life? I like a little bit of different.
Opposites attract because there is something inside all of us that wants to have a new perspective, or should want to have a new perspective. Being with people who are different than you helps you grow as a person. Sure, there is a line to draw when people become so different that they go against what you beleive, but experiencing diversity is what helps people mature. How would you know what you like if you never tried something new. Maybe it's time to go look for some people or things that are a little different than usual.
Where would we be in a world where everyone was the same? There would be no Shakespeare, no Motzart, no Galileo and Einstein, no Jack Johnson, no Rodney Mullen, and no Kobe Bryant. Not that I am particularly fond of Kobe Bryant, but I digress. If everyone was the same, we would all live in little bland houses with the same amount of rooms, lawns all exactly the same height, and all drive the same type of car around. We would all have the same number of kids in the back seat, all named John, and wearing the same thing. There would be nothing to talk about, nothing new to experience, nobody new to meet. Actually, there would be no cars, or computers or houses--everyone would have been content to live they way they had been living for generations, and there would be no new innovations.
When you look at your friends, how do they compare to you? Does everyone you hang out with paint their nails the same color? Does everyone wear their hair the same, and tell the same jokes, and listen to the same song over and over and over again? Do they all like the same foods and colors and flavors of ice cream? Do they all find the same traits in people attractive, and all have the same talents? There is nothing wrong with having friends who enjoy some of the same things as you--some familiarity is good and draws people closer, but think about it--really. How much of the same do you want in your life? I like a little bit of different.
Opposites attract because there is something inside all of us that wants to have a new perspective, or should want to have a new perspective. Being with people who are different than you helps you grow as a person. Sure, there is a line to draw when people become so different that they go against what you beleive, but experiencing diversity is what helps people mature. How would you know what you like if you never tried something new. Maybe it's time to go look for some people or things that are a little different than usual.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Hedonism VS. Carpe Diem
Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we shall die.
In theory, this makes sense. Life is short so we must make the best of what we have now. We don't know how long we will last so we should live it up while we have the chance. This is actually an excerpt from Isaiah 22:13, and read in context, the verse shows that this hedonistic idealogy is immoral. There is more to life than the present--mature people look ahead as well as to the present, sometimes opting for current discomfort in place of pleasure so as to set down a solid foundation for the future. Going to college, or working in a horrible job for a time so as to reach a higher posistion are examples of delayed gratification.
Then comes Carpe Diem; sieze the day! Both the ideals of Carpe Diem and Hedonism call its practicers to act now, to take advantage of the present and wait no longer. The difference between the two are the motives behind the action. While the motives of Hedonism are pleasure and selfishness, Carpe Diem sees that there is more to life than just the present. Carpe Diem uses the present as a tool for the future. It doesn't let the moment pass, because it will, but takes control of the situation and uses it for benefit.
Hedonism shouts "Me! Give me what I want now so I can feel good. I don't care what the future holds because I will be dead, and once you are dead it is over. It's too late to have fun, and that is all I care about."
Carpe Diem shouts, "I have a good situation in my posession and I was to capitalize on it. I look to the future, and the future starts now."
In theory, this makes sense. Life is short so we must make the best of what we have now. We don't know how long we will last so we should live it up while we have the chance. This is actually an excerpt from Isaiah 22:13, and read in context, the verse shows that this hedonistic idealogy is immoral. There is more to life than the present--mature people look ahead as well as to the present, sometimes opting for current discomfort in place of pleasure so as to set down a solid foundation for the future. Going to college, or working in a horrible job for a time so as to reach a higher posistion are examples of delayed gratification.
Then comes Carpe Diem; sieze the day! Both the ideals of Carpe Diem and Hedonism call its practicers to act now, to take advantage of the present and wait no longer. The difference between the two are the motives behind the action. While the motives of Hedonism are pleasure and selfishness, Carpe Diem sees that there is more to life than just the present. Carpe Diem uses the present as a tool for the future. It doesn't let the moment pass, because it will, but takes control of the situation and uses it for benefit.
Hedonism shouts "Me! Give me what I want now so I can feel good. I don't care what the future holds because I will be dead, and once you are dead it is over. It's too late to have fun, and that is all I care about."
Carpe Diem shouts, "I have a good situation in my posession and I was to capitalize on it. I look to the future, and the future starts now."
Loyalty
What drives people to give themselves completely to an institution, or an ideal, or a person? Loyalty is a funny thing because at core, people are selfish. Nonetheless, loyalty demands selflessness, and people often give it. There is usually a reason for loyalty. A person is loyal to their country because they love the land, and the laws, and the people. A person is loyal to a philosophy because they beleive in their hearts that it is right and should spread and live on. They are loyal to a person because that person has been loyal to them or they love them.
But then comes betrayal. What does a person do when the thing they have been loyal to turns on them. Their country shuns them. Their philosophy is proven wrong. Their friend or lover no longer reciprocates. How quickly should the change of heart come? Loyalty is worthless if it changes with the wind, yet there is a time to change loyalties. The time comes to admit one placed hope in a faulty place, or in a faulty person. The time to admit that perhaps they were wrong all along, or the time to admit that the rock they were anchored to wasn't as strong afterall.
There is a time to go move to a country that treats it's citizens better. A time to realize that sometimes the things you were taught in school or as a child by your parents just were incorrect. A time to realize that there is someone else out there who won't stab you in the back. A time to realize that being loyal to the things that are loyal to you is the best decision. It should not be thought of as wasted time or resources. It should be thought of as a learning experience through which, better choices will be made in the future.
The question still stands, When is the right time to forget the past and move on?
But then comes betrayal. What does a person do when the thing they have been loyal to turns on them. Their country shuns them. Their philosophy is proven wrong. Their friend or lover no longer reciprocates. How quickly should the change of heart come? Loyalty is worthless if it changes with the wind, yet there is a time to change loyalties. The time comes to admit one placed hope in a faulty place, or in a faulty person. The time to admit that perhaps they were wrong all along, or the time to admit that the rock they were anchored to wasn't as strong afterall.
There is a time to go move to a country that treats it's citizens better. A time to realize that sometimes the things you were taught in school or as a child by your parents just were incorrect. A time to realize that there is someone else out there who won't stab you in the back. A time to realize that being loyal to the things that are loyal to you is the best decision. It should not be thought of as wasted time or resources. It should be thought of as a learning experience through which, better choices will be made in the future.
The question still stands, When is the right time to forget the past and move on?
Tricky Paradoxes
A paradox is a series of true statements that, when put together yield a false statement. This is one of the most well-known paradoxes, so I must pose it as a scenario.
Imagine that time travel does exist and is completely feasible. There is an evil time Traveller who, in his travels begins to tamper with time so as to change the future. As he begins to tamper, more and more changes occur. In an attempt to create the most radical change in his own life that he can, he murders his own grandfather while he was still a child, before his grandfather had a change to concieve the time traveller's father.
If the grandfather is dead and has no children, how is it possible for the evil time traveller to even be born so as to go back and murder the grandfather?
Imagine that time travel does exist and is completely feasible. There is an evil time Traveller who, in his travels begins to tamper with time so as to change the future. As he begins to tamper, more and more changes occur. In an attempt to create the most radical change in his own life that he can, he murders his own grandfather while he was still a child, before his grandfather had a change to concieve the time traveller's father.
If the grandfather is dead and has no children, how is it possible for the evil time traveller to even be born so as to go back and murder the grandfather?
Tricky Paradoxes 2
Suppose Jack has a strong distaste for wishy-washy people. People who don't know what they want, are afraid to say it, or aren't willing to stand up for what they beleive because of fear of conflict. He likes strong people who know what they want or beleive, and aren't afraid to say as much.
Then, there is Jill. She has a strong attraction to Jack. Jill is a strong person, but she understands that sacrifices must sometimes be made in interpersonal relationships to keep both parties happy. Jack likes certain traits or characteristics that Jill doesn't have, but does like the fact that Jill is a strong person. Would Jill, by changing herself to more fit the tastes of Jack and adding traits that he finds attractive yet she does not yet have, be contradicting the very thing that Jack found attractive in her? Would this ruin the basis of the entire relationship in an attempt by Jill to be more appealing?
Then, there is Jill. She has a strong attraction to Jack. Jill is a strong person, but she understands that sacrifices must sometimes be made in interpersonal relationships to keep both parties happy. Jack likes certain traits or characteristics that Jill doesn't have, but does like the fact that Jill is a strong person. Would Jill, by changing herself to more fit the tastes of Jack and adding traits that he finds attractive yet she does not yet have, be contradicting the very thing that Jack found attractive in her? Would this ruin the basis of the entire relationship in an attempt by Jill to be more appealing?
Monday, October 31, 2011
The Human Body
The human body is an eccentric thing. Don't get me wrong, it works pretty darn well for all the stress it is put under. It lasts a decently long time, can repair itself, and any other number of amazing attributes; this doesn't change the fact that it is extremely wierd to look at. Of course, we are around so many people every day that we don't even take a second look at things that we see so often. Perhaps I can change your perspective a little bit.
First off, I think that eyes can be the most beautiful single thing of another person's to see. (Setting aside the things that hormones might prompt a peek at...) Now, to protect these amazing organs, we have eyelids. They are little wrinkly flaps of loose skin that have a fluid on the inside of them to keep the eyes clean. On top of these, you have a few fine hairs called eyelashes. Why is there hair on your skin next to your seeing organs? Then above that, you have eyebrows. 2 Small symmetrical rows of hair above your eyes. (For some people, it isn't two, and isn't symmetrical) Your eyelids are like little windshield wipers and window blinds combined! Imagine you are a creature without eyelids, looking at you as you blink...so strange.
Next we have the ears and the nose. These are basically holes in our body which let in vibrations for sound, and particles for smell. However, they aren't merely holes, they are holes with decoration around them. Why is there a big massive...thing...on the front of our faces just so we can smell? I am sure that we could smell just as well if the holes were half an inch further back in our face instead of sticking out a little bit. For ears, sure...the shape of the ear can help collect sound a little bit better, but why the whole maze thing?
Now the mouth is just another hole like the ears and the nose, but he feels very insufficient as a (w)hole because of his lack of decoration, so he has to overcompensate by lining the skin around his opening with extra skin. These are called lips. I am not exactly sure what function they are supposed to serve, but they sure look funny, especially when really skinny people have huge lips.
Fingers are darn useful, my average WPM for typing would be way lower if my arm just ended in a single point, so I won't talk too much mess on them except for the fact that they have nails on the end. Sure, they are useful for scratching things, and prying things open, but they look funny! Why are they clear? Up until a certain point, that is...then they just turn white.
Hair is a strange one because it is everywhere. It is in so many places, and basically its just a bunch of dead cells that our body doesnt need anymore, but has nostalgic value for them and keeps them around still.
Now we come to that little bit of wrinkly skin on the end of our elbows. These are called wenises. I actually just thought I would throw it in there because it sounds funny. It is wierd to feel though.
On a small side note, I just realized that humans, (with the female gender in particular) like to decorate most of the things mentioned here. Perhaps it is subconciously realized that these things are strange to look at, so painting nails, braiding hair, and peircing ears and other orifices is a way to detract attention from them. I don't find anything particularly wrong with this, it is just intriguing.
Keep in mind that all of these things are very useful to me, and I am very glad that I have them. Without all of these things, our bodies would not function nearly as well as they do. Our bodies do, however look a little silly sometimes. Try looking in the mirror for a few minutes and just study the features of your face. It gets wierder with every minute. Even with all of the things I mentioned, the body is still a beautiful thing. Everything works in cunjunction so wonderfully, I think it can be forgiven for looking a little strange. Take care of it and it will take care of you.
First off, I think that eyes can be the most beautiful single thing of another person's to see. (Setting aside the things that hormones might prompt a peek at...) Now, to protect these amazing organs, we have eyelids. They are little wrinkly flaps of loose skin that have a fluid on the inside of them to keep the eyes clean. On top of these, you have a few fine hairs called eyelashes. Why is there hair on your skin next to your seeing organs? Then above that, you have eyebrows. 2 Small symmetrical rows of hair above your eyes. (For some people, it isn't two, and isn't symmetrical) Your eyelids are like little windshield wipers and window blinds combined! Imagine you are a creature without eyelids, looking at you as you blink...so strange.
Next we have the ears and the nose. These are basically holes in our body which let in vibrations for sound, and particles for smell. However, they aren't merely holes, they are holes with decoration around them. Why is there a big massive...thing...on the front of our faces just so we can smell? I am sure that we could smell just as well if the holes were half an inch further back in our face instead of sticking out a little bit. For ears, sure...the shape of the ear can help collect sound a little bit better, but why the whole maze thing?
Now the mouth is just another hole like the ears and the nose, but he feels very insufficient as a (w)hole because of his lack of decoration, so he has to overcompensate by lining the skin around his opening with extra skin. These are called lips. I am not exactly sure what function they are supposed to serve, but they sure look funny, especially when really skinny people have huge lips.
Fingers are darn useful, my average WPM for typing would be way lower if my arm just ended in a single point, so I won't talk too much mess on them except for the fact that they have nails on the end. Sure, they are useful for scratching things, and prying things open, but they look funny! Why are they clear? Up until a certain point, that is...then they just turn white.
Hair is a strange one because it is everywhere. It is in so many places, and basically its just a bunch of dead cells that our body doesnt need anymore, but has nostalgic value for them and keeps them around still.
Now we come to that little bit of wrinkly skin on the end of our elbows. These are called wenises. I actually just thought I would throw it in there because it sounds funny. It is wierd to feel though.
On a small side note, I just realized that humans, (with the female gender in particular) like to decorate most of the things mentioned here. Perhaps it is subconciously realized that these things are strange to look at, so painting nails, braiding hair, and peircing ears and other orifices is a way to detract attention from them. I don't find anything particularly wrong with this, it is just intriguing.
Keep in mind that all of these things are very useful to me, and I am very glad that I have them. Without all of these things, our bodies would not function nearly as well as they do. Our bodies do, however look a little silly sometimes. Try looking in the mirror for a few minutes and just study the features of your face. It gets wierder with every minute. Even with all of the things I mentioned, the body is still a beautiful thing. Everything works in cunjunction so wonderfully, I think it can be forgiven for looking a little strange. Take care of it and it will take care of you.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Certain Days
I'm sure you have had those days. The days where you wake up and know its going to be a bad day. Sure enough, the shower never fully heats up, the toaster is broken, you run out of toothpaste, and the bus is 15 minutes late. A horrible day. You walk around doing the things that you know you are supposed to, but all you really want to do is go home and lay in bed so that nothing else bad happens. 2 failed quizzes later, and a still-damp soda stain all over the side of your leg, you sit on the bus just wanting to go home and have a nice dinner. Maybe some more bad things happen, maybe they dont, but as you lay in bed that night, the day's occurances running through your mind, you can't sleep. You are exhausted, and all the bad things continue to take their toll on your mind even as you try to forget them.
Yea, those days suck. However, today wasn't one for me. It was a good day. I had fun, got some sun, hung in excellent company, ate lots of food, took some naps, and I have a brighter outlook on life after some of the day's occurances. Sure, I will have some bad days again in the future--there is no stopping that, but today as I am putting my head on the pillow, I will not toss and turn, regretting the days events. Tired? Yes. Drained? No. These days add to my life, not take away. Today was a satisfying day; I hope I have many more just like it in the future.
Yea, those days suck. However, today wasn't one for me. It was a good day. I had fun, got some sun, hung in excellent company, ate lots of food, took some naps, and I have a brighter outlook on life after some of the day's occurances. Sure, I will have some bad days again in the future--there is no stopping that, but today as I am putting my head on the pillow, I will not toss and turn, regretting the days events. Tired? Yes. Drained? No. These days add to my life, not take away. Today was a satisfying day; I hope I have many more just like it in the future.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Regrets
Beleive it or not--I am imperfect. I hate to admit it, but I mess up all the time; sometimes it is a relatively large mistake, but most of the time I look back on it and laugh. While being imperfect, I can truly say that there is nothing huge that I regret in my life. This is definitely not to say that there aren't some things that I wish never happened, or some things that I wish happened differently, or that I don't have curiosity over how some paths in my life could have turned out differently. I can't, however, point to any one particular moment in time and shake my head in disgust at my choice. I never flunked out of highschool, have never been to jail or done anything worthy of spending more than a few hours in the drunk tank, and don't have TOO many kids walking around. I kind of want to keep it that way.
Why am I this way? Most people by my age have screwed up pretty big at least once. I think there are a few reasons, the first being the way I was raised. I was raised to think about my actions and their repercussions on myself and others. Definitely not bad; I wish more people thought like that. The second is because I am a very safe person; I am very calculated and always outweigh the risk for the reward. I don't go out on limbs very often, and when I do, I make sure that I have sent someone else out first.
These traits have saved me a lot of pain, but at the same time I don't think that I have learned all the lessons that I should have learned by my age. Yes, mistakes generally are mistakes because they don't have good outcomes, but they are also learning experiences that can save us from larger mistakes in the future. In a sense, my biggest regret is not taking more chances. Doing more things that I regret. Yes, there is a point at which you must guard your body and your heart and your future from dangerous choices, but whats the point of living safe if you aren't REALLY living. Living isn't about staying locked in a room all day, afraid that something bad might happen. Living is getting out there and screwing up and relying on your friends to drag you out of it once in a while. Living is about figuring out and finding out.
I'm preaching to myself too here. Time to go do some things that I am afraid of. Who knows, I might not regret them after all.
Why am I this way? Most people by my age have screwed up pretty big at least once. I think there are a few reasons, the first being the way I was raised. I was raised to think about my actions and their repercussions on myself and others. Definitely not bad; I wish more people thought like that. The second is because I am a very safe person; I am very calculated and always outweigh the risk for the reward. I don't go out on limbs very often, and when I do, I make sure that I have sent someone else out first.
These traits have saved me a lot of pain, but at the same time I don't think that I have learned all the lessons that I should have learned by my age. Yes, mistakes generally are mistakes because they don't have good outcomes, but they are also learning experiences that can save us from larger mistakes in the future. In a sense, my biggest regret is not taking more chances. Doing more things that I regret. Yes, there is a point at which you must guard your body and your heart and your future from dangerous choices, but whats the point of living safe if you aren't REALLY living. Living isn't about staying locked in a room all day, afraid that something bad might happen. Living is getting out there and screwing up and relying on your friends to drag you out of it once in a while. Living is about figuring out and finding out.
I'm preaching to myself too here. Time to go do some things that I am afraid of. Who knows, I might not regret them after all.
In the Back of My Mind
Do you ever get the feeling that there are some things that needs to be done; some things that needs to be said? But they can't be done, and can't be said. There is something that just isn't right in the world, and you can't put your finger on it. It needs to be fixed, and whether you know what it is or not, sometimes things just are broken for now. I am just looking to the future, hopefully it turns out fixed.
No whitty remarks or preachy message like usual. Just saying.
No whitty remarks or preachy message like usual. Just saying.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Being A Different Person
I am a different person than I was when I was younger. An obvious statement, yes...but why all the changes? It's not just in the fact that I have a larger body, don't gorge myself on chocolate as often, and don't yell as loudly as I used to. When I was very young, I was wild. "Electron" was my nickname because I wouldn't stop running circles around people. As I aged a bit more and went to Junior High and Highschool, I became more timid. Now--well, I have a bit of everything. The experiences that I have had have changed me into the person that I am currently. I will continue to change and evolve as I have more experiences, but having a larger impact on who I am than the events that I have experienced, are the people that I have surrounded myself with.
To be completely honest, I act differently around different people. I'm not saying that around some people I am a Hell's Angel's advocate, and around others I am a philanthropist who can't wait to bake cupcakes for girlscouts to sell. My basic traits are the same, but there are some changes that are more subtle. I realized this around a year ago, and I wasn't too happy with myself. "Am I being fake?" was one of the first things that popped into my mind. I despise hypocrites greatly, and it was rather shocking to see this trait in myself. I have struggeled with this thought for a while now, but have come to the conclusion that I am not being fake--different people just bring out different sides of me. It is true though--some of these sides I like better than others.
After studying myself when meeting new people, I have found that a major factor in how I interact with someone is how I acted when I first met them. Sometimes I can change my behavior around them after I get to know them better, but that doesn't always happen. Around some people I am quieter than others; around some people I let more swear words slip; around some people I am crazier. Around some people I tell sophisticated jokes, around some people I tell one-liners that they still don't understand, and around some people my jokes are rather innapropriate. Around some people I don't care if they see that I'm smart or not, and around some people I try too much to show it. I'm not proud of some of these--but it's the truth.
The real trouble comes when two different groups of people who I interact with differently with come together. I find out who I truly am when the two opposites clash. Lately, however, I have been less concerned with how people view me. This is a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, there certainly is a value to not burning too many bridges in relationships due to the horribly rude behavior that I sometimes exhibit. On the other hand, if the person doesn't like who I am, then that is their perogative. I have no reason to try to change myself to get them to like me, because if I am always trying to change my behavior to please others, than I really will be a fake with no personality. Who I am is all that I have to seperate me from a faceless crowd.
While I am striving to be my own person, there are still certain crowds and certain people that bring out different traits in me. The more that hang around these people, the more of these traits that I exhibit. Who I choose to surround myself with has a large impact on who I am and who I am going to be. I want to surround myself with the people who make me smile, the people who make me try new things, the people who don't judge me and the people who make me confident. Not the people who look down on others, and talk bad about people behind their backs, and indulge too much in the physical vices of earth. Most of all, I want to hang around the people who accept me for who I am, flaws and all, knowing that with time I can conquer them.
To be completely honest, I act differently around different people. I'm not saying that around some people I am a Hell's Angel's advocate, and around others I am a philanthropist who can't wait to bake cupcakes for girlscouts to sell. My basic traits are the same, but there are some changes that are more subtle. I realized this around a year ago, and I wasn't too happy with myself. "Am I being fake?" was one of the first things that popped into my mind. I despise hypocrites greatly, and it was rather shocking to see this trait in myself. I have struggeled with this thought for a while now, but have come to the conclusion that I am not being fake--different people just bring out different sides of me. It is true though--some of these sides I like better than others.
After studying myself when meeting new people, I have found that a major factor in how I interact with someone is how I acted when I first met them. Sometimes I can change my behavior around them after I get to know them better, but that doesn't always happen. Around some people I am quieter than others; around some people I let more swear words slip; around some people I am crazier. Around some people I tell sophisticated jokes, around some people I tell one-liners that they still don't understand, and around some people my jokes are rather innapropriate. Around some people I don't care if they see that I'm smart or not, and around some people I try too much to show it. I'm not proud of some of these--but it's the truth.
The real trouble comes when two different groups of people who I interact with differently with come together. I find out who I truly am when the two opposites clash. Lately, however, I have been less concerned with how people view me. This is a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, there certainly is a value to not burning too many bridges in relationships due to the horribly rude behavior that I sometimes exhibit. On the other hand, if the person doesn't like who I am, then that is their perogative. I have no reason to try to change myself to get them to like me, because if I am always trying to change my behavior to please others, than I really will be a fake with no personality. Who I am is all that I have to seperate me from a faceless crowd.
While I am striving to be my own person, there are still certain crowds and certain people that bring out different traits in me. The more that hang around these people, the more of these traits that I exhibit. Who I choose to surround myself with has a large impact on who I am and who I am going to be. I want to surround myself with the people who make me smile, the people who make me try new things, the people who don't judge me and the people who make me confident. Not the people who look down on others, and talk bad about people behind their backs, and indulge too much in the physical vices of earth. Most of all, I want to hang around the people who accept me for who I am, flaws and all, knowing that with time I can conquer them.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
What I Want To Be When I Grow Up
Pretend that you are sitting in a room with a child. Not a child so young that they can't understand what you are saying, but also not so old that they have lost their naivety. Striking up a conversation, you look at them and ask them a question. You were asked this question many times as a child, by that awkward Uncle, the caring parent, or the teacher from kindergarten.
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
When I was asked this question as a young'n, my answers didn't change very much. "Army man!" I would say, barely glancing up from my Lego's. Or "Police Man!" from my bicycle or "Astronaut!" from my book. Enthusiastic, yes, but impractical. There is nothing wrong with any of these things, in fact I have respect for all of these professions, but as we grow older, we learn more and our tastes change.
As I hit Jr. High and continued into High school, my answer changed from those aforementioned to "Engineer" and "Biologist". Some of these subjects still fascinate me, but as I learned more about them I changed still. Not disinterest, just impracticality. When I got to college, I found out that I still really didn't know what I wanted to be. It was disconcerting.
From Chemistry, to my childhood dream of being a "Police Man" in studying Administration of Justice, to Computer Network Engineering, I have finally landed as an English major. Big dream, huh? I don't plan on changing again until I finish school, though this isn't to say that I won't have some epiphany or crisis change my mind. I have, however, realized what that my profession is, doesn't matter. It's the type of Man that I choose to be that matters. So, what do I want to be when I grow up?
I want to be a kid. No, Not in the sense that I want to be immature and irresponsible; a selfish whiny brat. I don't want to worry about the future so much that I take out my stress on the people around me, I want to be carefree. I don't want to be so naive that I can't tell a bad thing when I see it, but I want to be able to try new things without fear. I want to be easy to talk to, and easy to teach just like a child. But most of all, I want the simple things to entertain me, to be happy at what I have. The ice-cream cone from Rite-Aid, the bike ride to the beach, the stars from my roof at night. The simple things that I had when I was a child have been devoured by the chaos of the world. I miss them. I want them back. Someday, I will have reached the enlightenment that we all come into the world posessing, but lose somewhere along the way.
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
When I was asked this question as a young'n, my answers didn't change very much. "Army man!" I would say, barely glancing up from my Lego's. Or "Police Man!" from my bicycle or "Astronaut!" from my book. Enthusiastic, yes, but impractical. There is nothing wrong with any of these things, in fact I have respect for all of these professions, but as we grow older, we learn more and our tastes change.
As I hit Jr. High and continued into High school, my answer changed from those aforementioned to "Engineer" and "Biologist". Some of these subjects still fascinate me, but as I learned more about them I changed still. Not disinterest, just impracticality. When I got to college, I found out that I still really didn't know what I wanted to be. It was disconcerting.
From Chemistry, to my childhood dream of being a "Police Man" in studying Administration of Justice, to Computer Network Engineering, I have finally landed as an English major. Big dream, huh? I don't plan on changing again until I finish school, though this isn't to say that I won't have some epiphany or crisis change my mind. I have, however, realized what that my profession is, doesn't matter. It's the type of Man that I choose to be that matters. So, what do I want to be when I grow up?
I want to be a kid. No, Not in the sense that I want to be immature and irresponsible; a selfish whiny brat. I don't want to worry about the future so much that I take out my stress on the people around me, I want to be carefree. I don't want to be so naive that I can't tell a bad thing when I see it, but I want to be able to try new things without fear. I want to be easy to talk to, and easy to teach just like a child. But most of all, I want the simple things to entertain me, to be happy at what I have. The ice-cream cone from Rite-Aid, the bike ride to the beach, the stars from my roof at night. The simple things that I had when I was a child have been devoured by the chaos of the world. I miss them. I want them back. Someday, I will have reached the enlightenment that we all come into the world posessing, but lose somewhere along the way.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Anxiety and Patience
Patience is a virtue. Why is it a virtue? Because so many people lack it. Instant gratification is what our society is all about. Fast food. Faster Internet. One-day shipping. Faster Cars. Now don't get me wrong--I am very glad that we don't have slow internet because now I can order presents for people online when I forget that their birthday is the next day! I am also thankful that there is one-day shipping so they will get their present on time after I order it. Without the fast cars the mailmen couldn't bring the package quickly enough, and without the fast food they would be taking lunch breaks that were too long. There is nothing wrong with getting things fast.
Anxiety stems from when we think that something that should be happening isn't happening, or something that we don't want to happen, is. I know it all too well--that feeling that somehow resides in both your stomach and the back of your mind that something isn't right. What makes us feel anxious though? Anxiety is not simply nervousness, we are anxious because we feel we deserve something that we aren't getting.
But why be anxious? I used to get anxious about a lot of things--I felt I deserved better grades in school, a better social life, better possessions--but as I matured, I realized that some things will happen in their own time frame. I don't need a brand new computer this minute, or a nice new car next week. I began to realize that if something was meant to happen, then it would happen. There was no forcing it and worrying about it wouldn't make it happen faster. When it happens, it will be perfect.
I'm not always perfect, but I like to think of myself as a chill person now--I try not to worry about the future or be anxious about things that I can't control. True, sometimes I become complacent about things that do deserve more immediate attention, but I have come to realize that there are many things that are out my hands. I do want them, but there is no reason to fret. Forcing the point can often ruin a good thing. If it is going to happen then all the pieces will fall into place.
Some things are just worth waiting for.
Anxiety stems from when we think that something that should be happening isn't happening, or something that we don't want to happen, is. I know it all too well--that feeling that somehow resides in both your stomach and the back of your mind that something isn't right. What makes us feel anxious though? Anxiety is not simply nervousness, we are anxious because we feel we deserve something that we aren't getting.
But why be anxious? I used to get anxious about a lot of things--I felt I deserved better grades in school, a better social life, better possessions--but as I matured, I realized that some things will happen in their own time frame. I don't need a brand new computer this minute, or a nice new car next week. I began to realize that if something was meant to happen, then it would happen. There was no forcing it and worrying about it wouldn't make it happen faster. When it happens, it will be perfect.
I'm not always perfect, but I like to think of myself as a chill person now--I try not to worry about the future or be anxious about things that I can't control. True, sometimes I become complacent about things that do deserve more immediate attention, but I have come to realize that there are many things that are out my hands. I do want them, but there is no reason to fret. Forcing the point can often ruin a good thing. If it is going to happen then all the pieces will fall into place.
Some things are just worth waiting for.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Fate and Free Will
There is a purpose to our lives. Each and every person has a different purpose; part of life is figuring it out. The other part is choosing if we are to fufill our purpose, or ignore it. Perhaps I should rephrase--there are purposes to our life. Life doesn't boil down to simply one moment in which fufillment is reached. There are opportunities every day for us to do something that is worthwhile for ourselves and for others. Write a song, make someone who is sad happy again, enjoy a walk on the beach or in the forest with someone. The question is--are these things fate or choice?
They are both.
It almost seems a paradox to believe in both fate and free will, but I do completely. I believe that there are certain things which we are meant to do--that it is in God's plan for us to do; but that doesn't mean that his overarching scheme will be foiled by one person simply ignoring what they were made for. There are multiple pathways that anyone can take to still be within the will of God. Free will is more than just the ability to choose between right and wrong, it is the ability to choose the lifestyle that we want to live.
Life is not simply a train track which goes in one direction and no real meaningful choices can be made--it is a road with different paths where many still lead to the ending that God has meant for us. It is difficult to understand and even more difficult for me to describe. Each choice that we make opens up new doors which in turn open up new choices. This continues on for our whole life. It even brings us back to my Butterfly Effect Post.
An example--Marraige. It is popular belief that there is one person who is made for you and you alone. To me, it is not this simple. I beleive that there are any number of people you can end up with. There is a large percentage of people who meet the person that they marry while in the college age group. While in this age group, people are constantly moving around to go to different schools and taking different classes at these different schools. While I am not one to point at someone else's life and tell them that they are or aren't within the will of God, I do not beleive that God's plan is dependent on such an insignificant factor such as whether or not Psychology 101, or Philosophy 101 was taken. If the girl I was someday to marry was in the same Psychology class that I could have taken, but I decided to take the Philosophy class instead, that path is closed.
I made a choice, not even knowing the potential outcome, and it wasn't necessairily against the will of God. But Say also that I decided not even to go to that school, but to a different one completely, or if I decided to work full time instead of going to school, or I decided to go on a missions trip to another country for a year. There could be a possible marraige partner for me in each of these locations, all of which are within the will of God. I am not trying to promote Poligamy, I am proving that different choices can be made every day which will lead us down different paths. Some choices are wrong choices, but some are perfectly fine, and it is our job to find out which ones are the wrong ones. As for the rest...Well, that's why life is so interesting.
They are both.
It almost seems a paradox to believe in both fate and free will, but I do completely. I believe that there are certain things which we are meant to do--that it is in God's plan for us to do; but that doesn't mean that his overarching scheme will be foiled by one person simply ignoring what they were made for. There are multiple pathways that anyone can take to still be within the will of God. Free will is more than just the ability to choose between right and wrong, it is the ability to choose the lifestyle that we want to live.
Life is not simply a train track which goes in one direction and no real meaningful choices can be made--it is a road with different paths where many still lead to the ending that God has meant for us. It is difficult to understand and even more difficult for me to describe. Each choice that we make opens up new doors which in turn open up new choices. This continues on for our whole life. It even brings us back to my Butterfly Effect Post.
An example--Marraige. It is popular belief that there is one person who is made for you and you alone. To me, it is not this simple. I beleive that there are any number of people you can end up with. There is a large percentage of people who meet the person that they marry while in the college age group. While in this age group, people are constantly moving around to go to different schools and taking different classes at these different schools. While I am not one to point at someone else's life and tell them that they are or aren't within the will of God, I do not beleive that God's plan is dependent on such an insignificant factor such as whether or not Psychology 101, or Philosophy 101 was taken. If the girl I was someday to marry was in the same Psychology class that I could have taken, but I decided to take the Philosophy class instead, that path is closed.
I made a choice, not even knowing the potential outcome, and it wasn't necessairily against the will of God. But Say also that I decided not even to go to that school, but to a different one completely, or if I decided to work full time instead of going to school, or I decided to go on a missions trip to another country for a year. There could be a possible marraige partner for me in each of these locations, all of which are within the will of God. I am not trying to promote Poligamy, I am proving that different choices can be made every day which will lead us down different paths. Some choices are wrong choices, but some are perfectly fine, and it is our job to find out which ones are the wrong ones. As for the rest...Well, that's why life is so interesting.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
The Best Story
What makes good writing? Now, I am not talking about these little blurbs that I post every once in a while, I am talking about stories. Tales. Epics. Legends. While perfectly composed sentences that rhymthicly flow and have depth to them are important in any writing, ultimately, these are not what captivate a reader. It is not the beautiful scenery, a new environment, the words that are used, or a way in which an action sequence is described which makes a story good enough to envelope oneself in. It is not the author's voice, though that can help to change the tone of a story. It is the character that draws us in.
Think about the stories that you find yourself returning to time and time again. True, they may have interesting plotlines, but the authors of these stories have you hooked because they have connected you and the characters. People like to read stories about the underdog defeating the greatest odds. Betrayal because everyone has been betrayed. Love, because everyone wants to be loved. Revenge because everyone has been wronged. Depression because not every day is happy. Aloneness because sometimes even your friends forsake you. Forgiveness because everyone knows that there is someone they have hurt. Reconciliation because there is always someone that you want back in your life. A good story is not about merely events, but about what the characters are going through as they experience these events.
Notice that happiness was not on that list. Happiness is the end goal. We as readers know that our lives are not always happy, so we want to see characters whose lives are not happy. This isn't because misery loves company, but because we know at the end of the story the character will find happiness (for the most part) and that is what we want for ourselves too. We live vicariously through the characters.
New ideas, inventions and environments can help to hook a reader into the story, but these things quickly lose their novelty. What keeps any reader hooked into the story is the connection that they feel with the character. They feel their ups and downs and feel like the character is their friend. They feel hope for the character in his world, desiring that their own world will feel that same hope and victory in the end.
Think about the stories that you find yourself returning to time and time again. True, they may have interesting plotlines, but the authors of these stories have you hooked because they have connected you and the characters. People like to read stories about the underdog defeating the greatest odds. Betrayal because everyone has been betrayed. Love, because everyone wants to be loved. Revenge because everyone has been wronged. Depression because not every day is happy. Aloneness because sometimes even your friends forsake you. Forgiveness because everyone knows that there is someone they have hurt. Reconciliation because there is always someone that you want back in your life. A good story is not about merely events, but about what the characters are going through as they experience these events.
Notice that happiness was not on that list. Happiness is the end goal. We as readers know that our lives are not always happy, so we want to see characters whose lives are not happy. This isn't because misery loves company, but because we know at the end of the story the character will find happiness (for the most part) and that is what we want for ourselves too. We live vicariously through the characters.
New ideas, inventions and environments can help to hook a reader into the story, but these things quickly lose their novelty. What keeps any reader hooked into the story is the connection that they feel with the character. They feel their ups and downs and feel like the character is their friend. They feel hope for the character in his world, desiring that their own world will feel that same hope and victory in the end.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
No Time Left.
I have a bucket list. It's a great invention. Everyone should have some things that they want to do before they kick the bucket. I'm not sure if this list is the sort of thing that should consume all of one's thoughts, time and resources, but that it should be approached more with the attitude, "If it comes my way I will try it." I have done some things that could be considered bucketlist-ish. Skydiving--check. Visit another country--check. (Actually...does Canada even count?) Road Trip to the East Coast from the West Coast--check. There are some things in life that just have to be experienced.
But what if you only had Forty Eight hours to live? No particular reason. No bed-ridden sickness, no gunshot wound to the side, no alien parasite controlling your every move and making you chase other people down to eat them--no inability to do whatever you wanted. You just knew that you were going to die, and there was nothing you could do about it. What would you do?
Now I can only imagine the sorts of things that would appear on other people's bucket lists. Get Drunk. Get high. Punch a total stranger. Have sex with a celebrity. Base jump off the Empire State Building. Rob a bank. Tell someone you love them. Punch a police officer. Fly a plane at Mach 1. Have sex with another celebrity. Finally get 1,000 friends on Facebook. Pie someone in the face. Take a bath in noodles. Throw hundred dollar bills in the air. I have no idea really--I don't particularly care for most of those.
Me? I'm simple. Now to be completely honest, I haven't lived the most exciting life. It hasn't been horribly boring, but exciting doesn't quite describe my daily activities. If I found out that I had 48 hours to live, I probably wouldn't go spend all my money. I wouldn't throw a big party, or do things that I would have regretted if I found out I wasn't going to die afterall. I wouldn't cuss someone out that I had hated for a long time, or go vandalize someone's house that I felt I needed vengeance on. Aside from taking the day off work and refusing to do my laundry, I probably would continue my life exactly as it would have gone. A basketball game. A movie. A nap. What's the point in trying to cram your last few hours so full that you will be so tired by the end of them that they will have become a drudgery? No, I just would want to be comfortable. Eat a big meal and take a nap, hang out with some friends. That's the life.
But what if you only had Forty Eight hours to live? No particular reason. No bed-ridden sickness, no gunshot wound to the side, no alien parasite controlling your every move and making you chase other people down to eat them--no inability to do whatever you wanted. You just knew that you were going to die, and there was nothing you could do about it. What would you do?
Now I can only imagine the sorts of things that would appear on other people's bucket lists. Get Drunk. Get high. Punch a total stranger. Have sex with a celebrity. Base jump off the Empire State Building. Rob a bank. Tell someone you love them. Punch a police officer. Fly a plane at Mach 1. Have sex with another celebrity. Finally get 1,000 friends on Facebook. Pie someone in the face. Take a bath in noodles. Throw hundred dollar bills in the air. I have no idea really--I don't particularly care for most of those.
Me? I'm simple. Now to be completely honest, I haven't lived the most exciting life. It hasn't been horribly boring, but exciting doesn't quite describe my daily activities. If I found out that I had 48 hours to live, I probably wouldn't go spend all my money. I wouldn't throw a big party, or do things that I would have regretted if I found out I wasn't going to die afterall. I wouldn't cuss someone out that I had hated for a long time, or go vandalize someone's house that I felt I needed vengeance on. Aside from taking the day off work and refusing to do my laundry, I probably would continue my life exactly as it would have gone. A basketball game. A movie. A nap. What's the point in trying to cram your last few hours so full that you will be so tired by the end of them that they will have become a drudgery? No, I just would want to be comfortable. Eat a big meal and take a nap, hang out with some friends. That's the life.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
How to Make People Think that You are Smart
Being smart is a serious business. The thing about being smart is, once you are percieved as smart, people automatically associate you and smart together. This can be helpful and a nuisance as well. If you are going for the 'smart person' attitude, it is helpful because maintaining the smart badge is a lot easier than earning it. It is, however, somewhat annoying when people see someone who they perceive as smart do something dumb, or not even dumb--merely human. They revel in the glory of your mistakes and try to find out more so that they can attempt to pull you down to their intelligence level in their own mind. People love to see the powerful lose their power. I have thought up a few good ways of maintaining your smart level, or perhaps even earning your very own smart badge.
One way to appear smart is to hang around people who are actually smart. If you are constantly hanging around the pot-smoking, drunk emo kids who draw anime and listen to music instead of paying attention in class, then there is a good chance that people will assume you are one of them. Try hanging out with the people who talk about computers and books, Ahem...literature, and mention politics and the economy in passing. Some of the things that they may discuss can be dreadfully boring, but that is the price you have to pay to appear smart.
So once you find the right group of people to hang around so that you appear smart, you may encounter some problems if your brain isn't quite up to par with theirs. Their conversations may leave you coughing in the dust, so the best way to appear to understand them without actually having to know anything, is to just agree with them. Nod your head enthusiastically every once in a while, while saying, "yea" or "uh-huh". The hardest part of this is that sometimes you need to appear to be bored with what they are saying, and sometimes you need to appear rivitted, but you are trying to interject your own comments in the conversations to impart your knowledge on them. In reality, there is nothing that you really have to say at all because you have given up on actually understanding the things they normally converse about.
Another good tactic to use to appear more intelligent than you are is to use big words that mean simple things, or are so obscure people can't correct you because they don't know the correct meaning of it. This may take the most work out of any of the methods that I am mentioning, but it really is worthit. A good way to practice would be to go to Microsoft Word and type in some words that are commonly used. Then, go to the thesaurus and find some longer or more difficult sounding words that mean the same thing. You will have people coming to you for the answers to physics tests in no time if you keep this up for long!
The final way to appear smart is very simple--change the subject. This method, while the easiest to accomplish, is the most dangerous because people who are smart don't actually like to be interrupted while they are talking about something that they know a lot about. You have to try to change the subject to something that was very similarly related the previous topic, but is different enough so that you can understand it.
So there you have it--some ways wherein unintelligent people can appear to be rather intelligent. I just hope if you know me, you don't compare these methods to my own life. I might have some explaining to do.
One way to appear smart is to hang around people who are actually smart. If you are constantly hanging around the pot-smoking, drunk emo kids who draw anime and listen to music instead of paying attention in class, then there is a good chance that people will assume you are one of them. Try hanging out with the people who talk about computers and books, Ahem...literature, and mention politics and the economy in passing. Some of the things that they may discuss can be dreadfully boring, but that is the price you have to pay to appear smart.
So once you find the right group of people to hang around so that you appear smart, you may encounter some problems if your brain isn't quite up to par with theirs. Their conversations may leave you coughing in the dust, so the best way to appear to understand them without actually having to know anything, is to just agree with them. Nod your head enthusiastically every once in a while, while saying, "yea" or "uh-huh". The hardest part of this is that sometimes you need to appear to be bored with what they are saying, and sometimes you need to appear rivitted, but you are trying to interject your own comments in the conversations to impart your knowledge on them. In reality, there is nothing that you really have to say at all because you have given up on actually understanding the things they normally converse about.
Another good tactic to use to appear more intelligent than you are is to use big words that mean simple things, or are so obscure people can't correct you because they don't know the correct meaning of it. This may take the most work out of any of the methods that I am mentioning, but it really is worthit. A good way to practice would be to go to Microsoft Word and type in some words that are commonly used. Then, go to the thesaurus and find some longer or more difficult sounding words that mean the same thing. You will have people coming to you for the answers to physics tests in no time if you keep this up for long!
The final way to appear smart is very simple--change the subject. This method, while the easiest to accomplish, is the most dangerous because people who are smart don't actually like to be interrupted while they are talking about something that they know a lot about. You have to try to change the subject to something that was very similarly related the previous topic, but is different enough so that you can understand it.
So there you have it--some ways wherein unintelligent people can appear to be rather intelligent. I just hope if you know me, you don't compare these methods to my own life. I might have some explaining to do.
The Most Important Thing
I had an epiphany. I mean, it was something that I already KNEW, but hadn't yet experienced to the full extent. Of course, I have had tastes of it in the past, and knew it was great, but I didn't really GET it until just now. I now understand. I am englightened.
Now, as a precursor--not to sound ridiculously hubristic--I'm pretty smart. I don't mean to say that I am the SMARTEST person ever, but I know how to talk to people pretty well. If someone would have asked me, "So Matt, what is the most important thing in life?" I would have, without skipping a beat, said, "The people that you surround yourself with." And I would have meant it. I have beleived this to be the case for a very long time, and still do beleive it--but whenever asked this question and my answer given, I would feel somewhat hypocritical. I wasn't living it.
I have spent a lot of time in the past playing computer games, and reading, and writing, and just being by myself. I do 100% think that there is some value to a lot of these things. (In reasonable moderation of course) Harnessing creativity, keeping mental sharpness, excercising the imagination--all of these are things that I fully condone--but at the end, what are they worth?
Just now, literally minutes ago, I realized that without other people, life is empty. No, not simply realized, or learned; I gained wisdom. Wisdom cannot be learned, it must be experienced. I had been answering the correct answer to this question for years, but this is not just a headsmart answer to a life question.
What's the point of being creative if you have nobody to share your creativity with? What's the point of using your imagination if you have nobody to show your new world to? What's the point of having a nice car if you give no rides, or a nice house if you live alone, or a lot of money if you never buy something for someone? What's the point of being mentally sharp if you live alone in a room, never interacting with people or a vibrant world full of problems to solve?
My past choices and life experiences have made me who I am today. Yes, even the experiences of sitting alone in my room watching movies and reading and playing video games have had an impact on my current personality, and I do not regret them. But now, I look forward. Forward to the future and to new choices that I will make. People are important. More important than anything.
I was in my room, by myself, thinking when I realized it and that is an irony in itself. My ephiphany? There are some people worth giving everthing you have to spend your life with. All your time, all your posessions, all your creativity and imagination. Why? Because they give back to you. They are the most important. Find them and don't let go.
Now, as a precursor--not to sound ridiculously hubristic--I'm pretty smart. I don't mean to say that I am the SMARTEST person ever, but I know how to talk to people pretty well. If someone would have asked me, "So Matt, what is the most important thing in life?" I would have, without skipping a beat, said, "The people that you surround yourself with." And I would have meant it. I have beleived this to be the case for a very long time, and still do beleive it--but whenever asked this question and my answer given, I would feel somewhat hypocritical. I wasn't living it.
I have spent a lot of time in the past playing computer games, and reading, and writing, and just being by myself. I do 100% think that there is some value to a lot of these things. (In reasonable moderation of course) Harnessing creativity, keeping mental sharpness, excercising the imagination--all of these are things that I fully condone--but at the end, what are they worth?
Just now, literally minutes ago, I realized that without other people, life is empty. No, not simply realized, or learned; I gained wisdom. Wisdom cannot be learned, it must be experienced. I had been answering the correct answer to this question for years, but this is not just a headsmart answer to a life question.
What's the point of being creative if you have nobody to share your creativity with? What's the point of using your imagination if you have nobody to show your new world to? What's the point of having a nice car if you give no rides, or a nice house if you live alone, or a lot of money if you never buy something for someone? What's the point of being mentally sharp if you live alone in a room, never interacting with people or a vibrant world full of problems to solve?
My past choices and life experiences have made me who I am today. Yes, even the experiences of sitting alone in my room watching movies and reading and playing video games have had an impact on my current personality, and I do not regret them. But now, I look forward. Forward to the future and to new choices that I will make. People are important. More important than anything.
I was in my room, by myself, thinking when I realized it and that is an irony in itself. My ephiphany? There are some people worth giving everthing you have to spend your life with. All your time, all your posessions, all your creativity and imagination. Why? Because they give back to you. They are the most important. Find them and don't let go.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
What everyone truly wants.
What is the most valuable thing in life? Everyone has their own personal answer to this interesting question, but there are a few which many people will all have in common. Power, money, fame, women (or men), x-boxes, facebook friends...the list goes one. But what is the ultimate goal of having all of these things?
Take for example the age-old question, "Which is better to have, power, money or fame?". People argue, "With fame you have influence, and influence is power!" or "With money you have power and therefore you are famous!" or "With power you can take money, and then still be famous!" These are all ridiculous answers to a riduculous question. True, many people want all of these things and some will stop at nothing to get them, but they are still all a means to an end.
Take, for example, this quote, most often attributed to Jim Carrey, "I wish everyone could get rich and famous and everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that’s not the answer."
People think that these things are the end, and that once they get them, they will be happy. Once they get them, however, they realize that these things were not what they were truly looking for. They are still empty.
Let us start at the beginning, so as to figure out why people are so confused as to what they really want. Way back to preshistoric times when people still lived in caves, and grunted, and had triceratops steaks for dinner. (If they were lucky enough to kill one with those wooden spears that they threw.[so easy, even a caveman can do it]) Let's pretend that Mr. Caveman was sitting alone in his cave munching on his triceratops steak, when cute Ms. (Not a Mrs.) Cavewoman comes along. Mr. Caveman, for all practical purposes, is rich. Back then, the cavemen didn't measure wealth by cars, or yachts, or even little shiny gems that they found in rocks for that matter. If you were eating, then you were pretty well off.
So like I was saying, Mr. Caveman is getting fat and happy when Ms. Cavewoman comes along. Ms. Cavewoman is very hungry, and wants some of that nice triceratops steak, so she comes into the cave. Mr. Caveman is so happy to have some company that he willingly shares some of his hard-earned meat with her. Never mind the fact that she is nearly as hairy as he is, and could probably beat up lots of today's full grown men in a dark ally. There are many hand gestures and grunts involved, but I will leave those to your own imagination. From then on, Ms. Cavewoman began to come over to Mr. Caveman's cave more often because he gave her some food that one time. Maybe he was a nice cave man, maybe not--but she still got what she wanted. Whether or not they live happily ever after is a moot point because we have reached the end of my literary illustration.
We saw that Mr. Caveman was willing to trade some of his hard earned meat for Ms. Cavewoman's company. We, as all-knowing historical anthropologists, look at this situation and know for a fact (If you don't beleive me, go re-read the above paragraph) that Ms. Cavewoman kept coming over because he gave her some meat, not because there was some mystical attraction between the two of them that made them fall in love and bear forth many children to populate the earth. Mr. Caveman, not being a historical anthropoligist like we are, doesn't think about her true motives--he is just happy to be hanging around Ms. Cavewoman.
Before the story, you will recall that I was saying that power and money and fame are all means to an end. People don't seem to understand this. They think that they will be happy once they get all of these, but they are wrong.
While I used a somewhat humorous story to try and get a very serious point across, it still has some valid information. Subconciously, people associate power and money and fame, etc. with being loved, because their subconcious associates all of those things with having people around you. People know that others like to be around people who give them things, so they think that by having lots of things, people will want to be around them more. This is true in a certain sense, but in reality they are cheating themselves. They are surrounding themselves with people who do not truly want to be around them, but the things that they have.
People say that they want power, and money, and fame, but what they ultimately want is to be loved. To have someone who GETS them. People want to be understood, to have someone they can tell anything to and who will help them through anything. Someone who will ask them why they are crying, and then not get angry when the answer given is "nothing". Someone to laugh with them at stupid things, then cry over the sad ones. Someone to whisper secrets to at night, and sing loudly with from a mountain top. Someone to just be near them and be with them because they want to be.
They not only want this for themselves, but to be the reciprocal of it in the other person's life. For the most part, people don't even truly understand this until they gain what they thought they had been seeking, and find that there is another peak beyond the one they have just climbed. There is another award to get, another car to buy, another wife to marry. Think to yourself, what is it that you truly want. Do you place value on riches or influence, or the people that want to be around you because you are you, not because of what you have?
Take for example the age-old question, "Which is better to have, power, money or fame?". People argue, "With fame you have influence, and influence is power!" or "With money you have power and therefore you are famous!" or "With power you can take money, and then still be famous!" These are all ridiculous answers to a riduculous question. True, many people want all of these things and some will stop at nothing to get them, but they are still all a means to an end.
Take, for example, this quote, most often attributed to Jim Carrey, "I wish everyone could get rich and famous and everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that’s not the answer."
People think that these things are the end, and that once they get them, they will be happy. Once they get them, however, they realize that these things were not what they were truly looking for. They are still empty.
Let us start at the beginning, so as to figure out why people are so confused as to what they really want. Way back to preshistoric times when people still lived in caves, and grunted, and had triceratops steaks for dinner. (If they were lucky enough to kill one with those wooden spears that they threw.[so easy, even a caveman can do it]) Let's pretend that Mr. Caveman was sitting alone in his cave munching on his triceratops steak, when cute Ms. (Not a Mrs.) Cavewoman comes along. Mr. Caveman, for all practical purposes, is rich. Back then, the cavemen didn't measure wealth by cars, or yachts, or even little shiny gems that they found in rocks for that matter. If you were eating, then you were pretty well off.
So like I was saying, Mr. Caveman is getting fat and happy when Ms. Cavewoman comes along. Ms. Cavewoman is very hungry, and wants some of that nice triceratops steak, so she comes into the cave. Mr. Caveman is so happy to have some company that he willingly shares some of his hard-earned meat with her. Never mind the fact that she is nearly as hairy as he is, and could probably beat up lots of today's full grown men in a dark ally. There are many hand gestures and grunts involved, but I will leave those to your own imagination. From then on, Ms. Cavewoman began to come over to Mr. Caveman's cave more often because he gave her some food that one time. Maybe he was a nice cave man, maybe not--but she still got what she wanted. Whether or not they live happily ever after is a moot point because we have reached the end of my literary illustration.
We saw that Mr. Caveman was willing to trade some of his hard earned meat for Ms. Cavewoman's company. We, as all-knowing historical anthropologists, look at this situation and know for a fact (If you don't beleive me, go re-read the above paragraph) that Ms. Cavewoman kept coming over because he gave her some meat, not because there was some mystical attraction between the two of them that made them fall in love and bear forth many children to populate the earth. Mr. Caveman, not being a historical anthropoligist like we are, doesn't think about her true motives--he is just happy to be hanging around Ms. Cavewoman.
Before the story, you will recall that I was saying that power and money and fame are all means to an end. People don't seem to understand this. They think that they will be happy once they get all of these, but they are wrong.
While I used a somewhat humorous story to try and get a very serious point across, it still has some valid information. Subconciously, people associate power and money and fame, etc. with being loved, because their subconcious associates all of those things with having people around you. People know that others like to be around people who give them things, so they think that by having lots of things, people will want to be around them more. This is true in a certain sense, but in reality they are cheating themselves. They are surrounding themselves with people who do not truly want to be around them, but the things that they have.
People say that they want power, and money, and fame, but what they ultimately want is to be loved. To have someone who GETS them. People want to be understood, to have someone they can tell anything to and who will help them through anything. Someone who will ask them why they are crying, and then not get angry when the answer given is "nothing". Someone to laugh with them at stupid things, then cry over the sad ones. Someone to whisper secrets to at night, and sing loudly with from a mountain top. Someone to just be near them and be with them because they want to be.
They not only want this for themselves, but to be the reciprocal of it in the other person's life. For the most part, people don't even truly understand this until they gain what they thought they had been seeking, and find that there is another peak beyond the one they have just climbed. There is another award to get, another car to buy, another wife to marry. Think to yourself, what is it that you truly want. Do you place value on riches or influence, or the people that want to be around you because you are you, not because of what you have?
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Curious Strangers
Strangers are interesting people. Sometimes they are nice, sometimes they are mean. Sometimes normal acting and sometimes strange acting. Sometimes ugly, sometimes good looking, and sometimes, good looking til you get a little bit closer. Above all else, strangers are curious and easily entertained. As a rule of thumb, people are interested in things that they don't know about. Everyone has a little bit of Curious George in them. They always think they are so investigative and observant, but you really have them in the palm of your hand if you have something interesting. Of course, there are the outliers, but if you show someone something amazing that they have never seen before, you are likely to be their best friend until that amazing thing becomes normal.
Take for example, my bullwhip. As of late, I have become intrigued by the sport of whip cracking. (I use the term 'sport' loosely. Perhaps 'pastime" is a better word) I won't go into all the reasons why I enjoy it, but the main reason that I like it is because it is loud. I'm a guy, guy's like loud noises--we'll leave it at that. Because it is so loud, my neighbors have taken to muttering at me whenever I pull it out, so I have begun taking it to a secret secluded location so as not to disturb them. This secret secluded location, while secluded and very secret, is not void of all human life, and there are the occasional joggers, hikers, dog-walkers, bmx-ers, or pot-smokers who come to enjoy the secret secluded scenery.
If I were standing in my secret secluded location whistling a jolly tune, reading a book, eating a sandwich, or sleeping, I am very sure that I wouldn't get so much as a peek from these lovely passers-by. (unless I was eating a sandwich as a pot-smoker passed me). That is because all of these activities are completely normal and socially acceptable. Whip cracking is very abnormal. I personally have never seen another person crack a whip in real life in my entire existence (Except those who I have let borrow my own for a brief moment). Needless to say, I get very strange looks, and people who I am sure would have no reason to ever talk to me if I had not piqued their curiosity, well...talk to me.
Over the past few days, I have begun to keep track of all the people who have talked to me, and what they have said or done, as well as the people who have suspiciously peered at me, and then kept their distance or gone on their way.
First, there was the stroller-pushing jogger-mom. She had two kids with her, one was being jostled around in a stroller which she was trying to push over the very bumpy dirt path, and one was on a leash. I'm not kidding. I'm not sure which kid was more uncomfortable actually. As she rounded the path I visibly saw her slow down and her eyes got extremely wide. The little kid on the leash was turning his head back and forth, no doubt looking for the thing that was making the loud noises because, surely it couldn't be the strange man in front of him, holding the long string. She went from her jog to a forced walk, and it almost looked like she wanted to turn around and run away, but I quickly rolled up my whip and turned on my pretend-friendly face. "What is that thing?" were the first words that came out of her mouth. I looked at the whip, then looked at her, then looked at the whip, then back at her and said. "It's a whip." She looked like she genuinely didn't know what a whip was. "Oh wow." The closer she got to me, the slower her pace got, until she got past me, and then started running really fast again. Little leash kid was kinda getting dragged along, but he didn't seem to mind cause he was still looking for the loud noise maker.
To my suprise, she actually came back the same way a few minutes later. Little leash kid was off his leash now, and had been spying on me from between two bushes for a couple minutes. His mouth was literally open and he kept looking back from me to his mom, and back to me. The kid in the stroller looked like he was about to throw up cause of the bumpiness. Jogger-mom must have come to the conclusion that I was alright to talk to because I didn't attack her on her first walk by, so as she jogged by again, she said, "Wow, that is totally cool!" I wanted to chase after little leash kid and scare him, but I thought better of it.
The second memorable experience I had was with two old people. By old, I mean somewhere between 40 and decrepit. As they came around the bend with their dog, their faces didn't visible change. The couple walked straight up to me, no fear in their eyes, smiled and asked how my day was going. I was suprised because for the most part, old people are timid and scared of everything, but these people were brave. Then, the man told me that whip cracking was a lost art. That made me super stoked. They actually werent very interesting other than that. Their hearing aids must not have been working, because the whip cracking didn't seem to be bothering them.
Strangers are really funny because when they are checking something new out, they always think they are extremely sneaky. I can't count how many joggers have run by pretending not to notice me, just like whip-cracking is the most normal occurance in the world. They might even have whips of their own that they crack a few times every morning, just to wake up it seems so normal to them. What gives them away is the fact that they pretend not to watch, but they go significantly slower when they are near me than when they are coming up to, or leaving me, and they are also peering at me out of the corner of their eyes. Dog Girl is a prime example. She literally made four passes around my little clearing in the field before walking through the middle to investigate from a closer angle. She thought, of course, that because she was outside of my clearing that I couldn't actually see her walking circles around me. The whole time, her head was pointed straight ahead in front of her, though it was easy to see that her eyes were pointed sideways to see the strange phenomenon. After she went through the clearing, she made another couple passes until she convinced herself that her curiosity was placated, and then walked away. She did, however stop a couple times and pretend that her dog was peeing on a tree so that she could turn around and watch again. It was easy to tell that she was faking the dog pee though cause the dog kept on trying to walk down the path and she was holding the leash so that it couldn't go anywhere.
While I have had many experiences with people walking by and making strange comments and giving me weird looks, the final one I will share with you took place from a distance. From across the field, I could see a bike rider starting to go up a small hill. As he neared, the top, I gave my whip a particularly hearty crack. It must have startled him because his head spun around looking for the source of the loud noice and he nearly fell off his bike. He managed to barely recover before sticking his foot on the ground and stopping, getting off his bike, putting the kickstand down, taking off his helmet, and watching me for a full three minutes. While I never actually spoke a word to him, or he to me, there was definitely a mental connection between the two of us. He was enamored by this new and exciting experience, and I was glad to perform my meager skills for him.
How often do you go up to a random person and talk to them, or how often do you have random people come up to you? People, curious as they are, do not like to leave their comfort zones, and the curiosity has to outweigh the risk factor for the stranger-barrier to be broken. Once it is broken, new amazing things can be found, so don't be afraid to go talk to that bum, street-performer, or whip-cracker--it might just be me. A word of advice though--just go for it, don't pretend like it is normal and try to watch it from a distance. You might think that you are being the observer, but more than likely you are being watched by your quarry, and you look pretty dumb.
Take for example, my bullwhip. As of late, I have become intrigued by the sport of whip cracking. (I use the term 'sport' loosely. Perhaps 'pastime" is a better word) I won't go into all the reasons why I enjoy it, but the main reason that I like it is because it is loud. I'm a guy, guy's like loud noises--we'll leave it at that. Because it is so loud, my neighbors have taken to muttering at me whenever I pull it out, so I have begun taking it to a secret secluded location so as not to disturb them. This secret secluded location, while secluded and very secret, is not void of all human life, and there are the occasional joggers, hikers, dog-walkers, bmx-ers, or pot-smokers who come to enjoy the secret secluded scenery.
If I were standing in my secret secluded location whistling a jolly tune, reading a book, eating a sandwich, or sleeping, I am very sure that I wouldn't get so much as a peek from these lovely passers-by. (unless I was eating a sandwich as a pot-smoker passed me). That is because all of these activities are completely normal and socially acceptable. Whip cracking is very abnormal. I personally have never seen another person crack a whip in real life in my entire existence (Except those who I have let borrow my own for a brief moment). Needless to say, I get very strange looks, and people who I am sure would have no reason to ever talk to me if I had not piqued their curiosity, well...talk to me.
Over the past few days, I have begun to keep track of all the people who have talked to me, and what they have said or done, as well as the people who have suspiciously peered at me, and then kept their distance or gone on their way.
First, there was the stroller-pushing jogger-mom. She had two kids with her, one was being jostled around in a stroller which she was trying to push over the very bumpy dirt path, and one was on a leash. I'm not kidding. I'm not sure which kid was more uncomfortable actually. As she rounded the path I visibly saw her slow down and her eyes got extremely wide. The little kid on the leash was turning his head back and forth, no doubt looking for the thing that was making the loud noises because, surely it couldn't be the strange man in front of him, holding the long string. She went from her jog to a forced walk, and it almost looked like she wanted to turn around and run away, but I quickly rolled up my whip and turned on my pretend-friendly face. "What is that thing?" were the first words that came out of her mouth. I looked at the whip, then looked at her, then looked at the whip, then back at her and said. "It's a whip." She looked like she genuinely didn't know what a whip was. "Oh wow." The closer she got to me, the slower her pace got, until she got past me, and then started running really fast again. Little leash kid was kinda getting dragged along, but he didn't seem to mind cause he was still looking for the loud noise maker.
To my suprise, she actually came back the same way a few minutes later. Little leash kid was off his leash now, and had been spying on me from between two bushes for a couple minutes. His mouth was literally open and he kept looking back from me to his mom, and back to me. The kid in the stroller looked like he was about to throw up cause of the bumpiness. Jogger-mom must have come to the conclusion that I was alright to talk to because I didn't attack her on her first walk by, so as she jogged by again, she said, "Wow, that is totally cool!" I wanted to chase after little leash kid and scare him, but I thought better of it.
The second memorable experience I had was with two old people. By old, I mean somewhere between 40 and decrepit. As they came around the bend with their dog, their faces didn't visible change. The couple walked straight up to me, no fear in their eyes, smiled and asked how my day was going. I was suprised because for the most part, old people are timid and scared of everything, but these people were brave. Then, the man told me that whip cracking was a lost art. That made me super stoked. They actually werent very interesting other than that. Their hearing aids must not have been working, because the whip cracking didn't seem to be bothering them.
Strangers are really funny because when they are checking something new out, they always think they are extremely sneaky. I can't count how many joggers have run by pretending not to notice me, just like whip-cracking is the most normal occurance in the world. They might even have whips of their own that they crack a few times every morning, just to wake up it seems so normal to them. What gives them away is the fact that they pretend not to watch, but they go significantly slower when they are near me than when they are coming up to, or leaving me, and they are also peering at me out of the corner of their eyes. Dog Girl is a prime example. She literally made four passes around my little clearing in the field before walking through the middle to investigate from a closer angle. She thought, of course, that because she was outside of my clearing that I couldn't actually see her walking circles around me. The whole time, her head was pointed straight ahead in front of her, though it was easy to see that her eyes were pointed sideways to see the strange phenomenon. After she went through the clearing, she made another couple passes until she convinced herself that her curiosity was placated, and then walked away. She did, however stop a couple times and pretend that her dog was peeing on a tree so that she could turn around and watch again. It was easy to tell that she was faking the dog pee though cause the dog kept on trying to walk down the path and she was holding the leash so that it couldn't go anywhere.
While I have had many experiences with people walking by and making strange comments and giving me weird looks, the final one I will share with you took place from a distance. From across the field, I could see a bike rider starting to go up a small hill. As he neared, the top, I gave my whip a particularly hearty crack. It must have startled him because his head spun around looking for the source of the loud noice and he nearly fell off his bike. He managed to barely recover before sticking his foot on the ground and stopping, getting off his bike, putting the kickstand down, taking off his helmet, and watching me for a full three minutes. While I never actually spoke a word to him, or he to me, there was definitely a mental connection between the two of us. He was enamored by this new and exciting experience, and I was glad to perform my meager skills for him.
How often do you go up to a random person and talk to them, or how often do you have random people come up to you? People, curious as they are, do not like to leave their comfort zones, and the curiosity has to outweigh the risk factor for the stranger-barrier to be broken. Once it is broken, new amazing things can be found, so don't be afraid to go talk to that bum, street-performer, or whip-cracker--it might just be me. A word of advice though--just go for it, don't pretend like it is normal and try to watch it from a distance. You might think that you are being the observer, but more than likely you are being watched by your quarry, and you look pretty dumb.
Friday, September 2, 2011
The Rawness of Art
Art is a form of communication; it explains to others what spoken words cannot, or dare not. An admirer might paint a beautiful picture of a flower for the subject of their admiration, yet never give a real one. Art is an outlet of emotion from which springs the essence of ones soul. It lets other's see, hear, touch, or read what you are experiencing inside, because our feelings are nearly impossible to communicate with our inept language. Painting, Sculpting, Movies, Dance, Writing. I find it ironic then that I have chosen writing, our pathetic language, as my art form; you are now receiving pieces of my soul.
Some people tell me, "...your writing is so depressing. Why do you always write this way?" I have thought about it and my conclusion is that art comes from the soul; what the soul is feeling. I write because I feel something. When I write out of boredom, or if I force myself to, to simply put words on the page, the words are dull, boring and meaningless. When I write from my soul, they at least make the reader get a taste of what I am feeling, even if the feelings are dark, dismal and depressing. My blogs are not simply random ideas that pop into my mind which I quickly jot out and throw onto a web page so a few people who are stuck in a rut of boredom can skim then go onto the next blog, or the next web page, or the next hobby. I write so that I can express myself to myself because even I don't understand my own emotions sometimes, or where they come from. Even if I do understand their beginnings and origins, sometimes real life has frustrated them so much that the only way to express my emotions is by showing them for the world to see. For you to see.
So there you have it. You few readers, whether I know you or not. You are getting a taste of my life by reading these words. My moods are reflected upon the page and immortalized upon the web so that I can look back upon them and remember what my life was like in the past. I write the mood that I am in, whether it be pensive, lonely, humorous, or lost. You are not merely reading some white words on a dark background, you are seeing my life through a magnifying glass as I felt when I authored these words. You are peering into my soul. You know me.
Some people tell me, "...your writing is so depressing. Why do you always write this way?" I have thought about it and my conclusion is that art comes from the soul; what the soul is feeling. I write because I feel something. When I write out of boredom, or if I force myself to, to simply put words on the page, the words are dull, boring and meaningless. When I write from my soul, they at least make the reader get a taste of what I am feeling, even if the feelings are dark, dismal and depressing. My blogs are not simply random ideas that pop into my mind which I quickly jot out and throw onto a web page so a few people who are stuck in a rut of boredom can skim then go onto the next blog, or the next web page, or the next hobby. I write so that I can express myself to myself because even I don't understand my own emotions sometimes, or where they come from. Even if I do understand their beginnings and origins, sometimes real life has frustrated them so much that the only way to express my emotions is by showing them for the world to see. For you to see.
So there you have it. You few readers, whether I know you or not. You are getting a taste of my life by reading these words. My moods are reflected upon the page and immortalized upon the web so that I can look back upon them and remember what my life was like in the past. I write the mood that I am in, whether it be pensive, lonely, humorous, or lost. You are not merely reading some white words on a dark background, you are seeing my life through a magnifying glass as I felt when I authored these words. You are peering into my soul. You know me.
The Children and the Adults
What differentiates a boy from a Man, and a girl from a Woman? This question has entered everyone's mind at some point or another, the real underlying question probing the person being, "Am I a man yet?", or "Am I a Woman yet?"
There are physical characteristics of the body as it matures which generally are associated with Manhood and Womanhood, yet I have personally found that these physical characteristics come much quicker than the emotional and mental characteristics which, to me, signify the true coming of Manhood and Womanhood.
I am no female, yet the observations I have made give me the following conclusions. Girls want to be noticed. They want to be chased after by boys. They want to have boys fight over them and so they use jealousy as a tool. Girls like the mean boys, the boys who will do anything to get what they want because Girls feel worth something when boys fight over them.They want to be doted upon and have things bought for them and be told how pretty they are. Girls want what they can't have and will do anything to get it. They gossip and glare, flick their hair and spray obnoxious amounts of perfume in the air. Some things that girls do, or are looking for, in and of themselves are in no way bad and are important parts of healthy relationships, but most girls are looking for self-validation in the wrong place and in the wrong way. They are looking for self-validation through boys.
Boys want girls. It is engrained in biology and while the desires aren't bad, the actions based on these motives are immature. Boys want girls to be surrounding them and touching them. Boys want more than one girl; they make girls who reject them feel bad about themselves, and pick fights with other boys over girls. Boys will stop at nothing to get what feels good and makes them feel good about themselves. Boys pretend to be what they arent--they haven't figured out who they are supposed to be yet so they put on different faces to please those around them. Boys do not show emotion because they think emotion is weak.
Women are different. A Woman will never purposefully use jealousy as a tool to gain affection. A Woman understands that she cannot always be doted upon and that her beauty is not only a gift, but a curse than can fuel fires of hate. They have it, preserve it, do not neglect it, and are grateful for it, but do not needlessly flaunt it. A Woman understands that she can't have everything that she wants, but sometimes must be self-sacrificial. Women do not like the jerk boys because they do not need validation from someone so immature; they don't like the boys who chase them for their looks, but the Men who strive to truly know them.
True Women like the true Men. The Men who are leaders and do what is responsible, not what gives them instant gratification. The Men who know who they are and who they want to be, yet still understand that love is willing to change for love. The Women don't love the boys who show no emotion, they love the Men who control their emotions, the Men who in the face of fear show know fear, even if it fills them. The Men who cry not because they want pity, but because the bottling up of emotions leads to rage and jealousy. The Men who admit weakness because admitting weakness is the first step to conquering it. The Men who do what needs to be done even if it is uncomfortable or difficult. A Woman loves the Man who wants them not only because they are attractive but because the true Men know that love takes two grown-up, mature people who are ready and willing to make sacrifices for one another.
To put it bluntly, people are mature when they are ready to truly and selflessly love another. They are mature when they are no longer looking for the petty attractions of boys and girls, but the mutual love of a Man and a Woman. The love that gives and takes equally. The love that says, "Life is hard, but I will put aside my wants for your wants, my needs for your needs, and together we can make it."
There are physical characteristics of the body as it matures which generally are associated with Manhood and Womanhood, yet I have personally found that these physical characteristics come much quicker than the emotional and mental characteristics which, to me, signify the true coming of Manhood and Womanhood.
I am no female, yet the observations I have made give me the following conclusions. Girls want to be noticed. They want to be chased after by boys. They want to have boys fight over them and so they use jealousy as a tool. Girls like the mean boys, the boys who will do anything to get what they want because Girls feel worth something when boys fight over them.They want to be doted upon and have things bought for them and be told how pretty they are. Girls want what they can't have and will do anything to get it. They gossip and glare, flick their hair and spray obnoxious amounts of perfume in the air. Some things that girls do, or are looking for, in and of themselves are in no way bad and are important parts of healthy relationships, but most girls are looking for self-validation in the wrong place and in the wrong way. They are looking for self-validation through boys.
Boys want girls. It is engrained in biology and while the desires aren't bad, the actions based on these motives are immature. Boys want girls to be surrounding them and touching them. Boys want more than one girl; they make girls who reject them feel bad about themselves, and pick fights with other boys over girls. Boys will stop at nothing to get what feels good and makes them feel good about themselves. Boys pretend to be what they arent--they haven't figured out who they are supposed to be yet so they put on different faces to please those around them. Boys do not show emotion because they think emotion is weak.
Women are different. A Woman will never purposefully use jealousy as a tool to gain affection. A Woman understands that she cannot always be doted upon and that her beauty is not only a gift, but a curse than can fuel fires of hate. They have it, preserve it, do not neglect it, and are grateful for it, but do not needlessly flaunt it. A Woman understands that she can't have everything that she wants, but sometimes must be self-sacrificial. Women do not like the jerk boys because they do not need validation from someone so immature; they don't like the boys who chase them for their looks, but the Men who strive to truly know them.
True Women like the true Men. The Men who are leaders and do what is responsible, not what gives them instant gratification. The Men who know who they are and who they want to be, yet still understand that love is willing to change for love. The Women don't love the boys who show no emotion, they love the Men who control their emotions, the Men who in the face of fear show know fear, even if it fills them. The Men who cry not because they want pity, but because the bottling up of emotions leads to rage and jealousy. The Men who admit weakness because admitting weakness is the first step to conquering it. The Men who do what needs to be done even if it is uncomfortable or difficult. A Woman loves the Man who wants them not only because they are attractive but because the true Men know that love takes two grown-up, mature people who are ready and willing to make sacrifices for one another.
To put it bluntly, people are mature when they are ready to truly and selflessly love another. They are mature when they are no longer looking for the petty attractions of boys and girls, but the mutual love of a Man and a Woman. The love that gives and takes equally. The love that says, "Life is hard, but I will put aside my wants for your wants, my needs for your needs, and together we can make it."
Saturday, April 2, 2011
From Virtual to Reality.
Internet relationships are a very interesting thing. There are many different ways in which a person can become aquainted with someone else via the interent. There are Dating sites, chat rooms, online games, online forums, or perhaps even introduction by mutual friends on facebook. Whatever the means of introduction that was used, once someone is befriended, one begins to formulate different ideas about this person. I have talked with many people online, the vast majority through gaming, and while we do have great times playing these games together, in reality--we probably do not have much in common at all.
A good question to ask about these people that you meet online is, what are they REALLY like? Who is the real person? Perhaps your best friend from an online game is a thrice divorced fifty year old man who is an alcoholic and extremely overweight. You even may know this, and while you can have a great time with him online, in a real life setting, you might be asking yourself, "What am I doing here?" The real test of friendship comes when the setting is change from the internet, to real life. An idea of this person has been forumlated in your mind, and you dont really think about it when you are interacting with them over the computer. If and when the situation changes to real life, it may be very startling. Perhaps your friend has a stutter, a squeaky voice, is 7 feet tall, in a wheelchair, or very overweight. When you finally meet them in real life, these facts may be eye-opening because they are not what was expected.
The real question that I am posing is, what determines the extent of a friendship? I 100% think that my online friends are truly my friends, even if we do not really have much in common in real life. When you open up to someone else, and they open up to you, it doesnt matter if you are on the phone, or chatting, or next to them in person--it is still real. I have come to invest much time into some of these online relationships, and even though I have never met any of my online gaming friends, I do fully expect it to happen someday. I know that I have made some false assumptions about some of them, but I hope that even if they aren't the prettiest face, or the most socially normal, I can look past that and see the real person that I became friends with.
A good question to ask about these people that you meet online is, what are they REALLY like? Who is the real person? Perhaps your best friend from an online game is a thrice divorced fifty year old man who is an alcoholic and extremely overweight. You even may know this, and while you can have a great time with him online, in a real life setting, you might be asking yourself, "What am I doing here?" The real test of friendship comes when the setting is change from the internet, to real life. An idea of this person has been forumlated in your mind, and you dont really think about it when you are interacting with them over the computer. If and when the situation changes to real life, it may be very startling. Perhaps your friend has a stutter, a squeaky voice, is 7 feet tall, in a wheelchair, or very overweight. When you finally meet them in real life, these facts may be eye-opening because they are not what was expected.
The real question that I am posing is, what determines the extent of a friendship? I 100% think that my online friends are truly my friends, even if we do not really have much in common in real life. When you open up to someone else, and they open up to you, it doesnt matter if you are on the phone, or chatting, or next to them in person--it is still real. I have come to invest much time into some of these online relationships, and even though I have never met any of my online gaming friends, I do fully expect it to happen someday. I know that I have made some false assumptions about some of them, but I hope that even if they aren't the prettiest face, or the most socially normal, I can look past that and see the real person that I became friends with.
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