I have observed 4 stages during a night of drinking alcohol:
Not drunk at all:
"No, I'm not drunk."
A little bit Tipsy:
"Yea, I've had a few drinks"
Kind of Drunk:
"Nooo, I swuur I'm not druunk"
Plastered:
"SHeesh, I'mmm shooooo totttttaally waasstteed."
It's very interesting how the pattern of admitting to drunkeness or not alternates...
Just an observation.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Some Advice Given...
It's funny, the advice that some people give you. There is a person who gave me some advice recently. I don't usually come to this person for advice because that just isn't the way that our relationship works. Nevertheless, I found myself eating dinner with them and I mentioned in passing conversation something from my life and they decided to impart some of their wisdom to me. Now I can't say that I don't appreciate the fact that they tried to take an interest in my life, and the advice that they gave was defintely well meant and very intuitive, but it was advice that I shouldn't have heard. It was advice that got me thinking. Too much. I don't like when I think too much cause then I get all brooding and moody. It was advice that I know was wrong; not morally wrong, just wrong for my situation and me.
No, it was so good. So true. It was advice that I wanted to take from the bottom of my heart because it was advice that I tried to give myself one time. I just know I'll get disappointed if I take the advice too seriously. I wish I could ignore it, but there is no going back.
Maybe.
No going back.
No, there is no going back.
Or is there?
Ugh.
Now I've thought too much and I'm pissed off. I don't think I'll finish this.
No, it was so good. So true. It was advice that I wanted to take from the bottom of my heart because it was advice that I tried to give myself one time. I just know I'll get disappointed if I take the advice too seriously. I wish I could ignore it, but there is no going back.
Maybe.
No going back.
No, there is no going back.
Or is there?
Ugh.
Now I've thought too much and I'm pissed off. I don't think I'll finish this.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Disappointment
Life is full of disappointments. I learned this at a very young age.
One of the very first disappointments that I can remember was that of a toy. I don't quite exactly remember the toy, I think it was an action figure of some sorts, but it wasn't even a toy that I owned--it was one of my friends toys. I remember that I had seen this toy advertised on television multiple times and it had been ingrained in my little mind that if I had this toy, I would be happy. I mean, the thoughts of what would and wouldn't make me happy weren't something that consumed the every day thoughts of my little mind, but all that I knew is that I would play with this toy SO HARD if I got it and I would have a great time. Of course, this was a very expensive toy (the manufacturers had to make the toys expensive to fund their extremely large advertising campaign) so naturally my parents didn't buy it for me. I do remember, however, going over to my little spoiled friends house one day to see that he had this toy. Right away, when I found out that he had it, I was so excited and I wanted to play with it with him (SO HARD), so we did. After about two minutes I realized that the toy wasn't everything that I thought it was. It was a very cheap material and it didn't behave the way that the commercial portrayed it did. It's arms didn't have a full range of motion, the noises that it made were dumb, and it's missiles didn't shoot very far--it was a big flop. I just remember being so disappointed in the fact that I thought there was this amazing toy that would make me happy, and it turned out to be so cheap and boring.
Of course, as life progressed, I wasn't so much concerned with cheap toys any longer, and my attention turned to other things. These other things still continue to disappoint me. Movies that I had heard great things abut disappoint me, people who I thought would be great friends disappoint me, girls disappoint me, my expectations disappoint me, going on vacations disappoint me, the future that I thought I would have disappoints me, certain experiences that everyone told me I should have, have turned out to be rather boring and bland. Sure, maybe a little bit of pleasure was gained from some of these, but all of the hype that had been built up in my mind just kind of crumpled under the boringness of reality.
The worst thing to be disappointed in is another person. Putting your hopes in someone else only to soon have the realization that they didn't behave how you expected, or they let you down when you were counting on them, or they betrayed you, hurts badly. How have I come to deal with these disappointments? I am seeing more and more that there is somewhat of a complacency in my outlook on life. I don't look forward to things as much as I used to because I am afraid to let my hopes down. I don't think about things too much before they happen and I don't formulate ideas of what they should or shouldn't be. I've realized that building up unrealistic expectations of what you think will happen will only make the reality that eventually sets in, that much harder.
Now, I kind of just keep my eyes closed and let the future roll in at me so I don't know what coming until it hits me. Exciting? Maybe, maybe not, but at least I won't be disappointed when things don't turn out the way I think they should.
One of the very first disappointments that I can remember was that of a toy. I don't quite exactly remember the toy, I think it was an action figure of some sorts, but it wasn't even a toy that I owned--it was one of my friends toys. I remember that I had seen this toy advertised on television multiple times and it had been ingrained in my little mind that if I had this toy, I would be happy. I mean, the thoughts of what would and wouldn't make me happy weren't something that consumed the every day thoughts of my little mind, but all that I knew is that I would play with this toy SO HARD if I got it and I would have a great time. Of course, this was a very expensive toy (the manufacturers had to make the toys expensive to fund their extremely large advertising campaign) so naturally my parents didn't buy it for me. I do remember, however, going over to my little spoiled friends house one day to see that he had this toy. Right away, when I found out that he had it, I was so excited and I wanted to play with it with him (SO HARD), so we did. After about two minutes I realized that the toy wasn't everything that I thought it was. It was a very cheap material and it didn't behave the way that the commercial portrayed it did. It's arms didn't have a full range of motion, the noises that it made were dumb, and it's missiles didn't shoot very far--it was a big flop. I just remember being so disappointed in the fact that I thought there was this amazing toy that would make me happy, and it turned out to be so cheap and boring.
Of course, as life progressed, I wasn't so much concerned with cheap toys any longer, and my attention turned to other things. These other things still continue to disappoint me. Movies that I had heard great things abut disappoint me, people who I thought would be great friends disappoint me, girls disappoint me, my expectations disappoint me, going on vacations disappoint me, the future that I thought I would have disappoints me, certain experiences that everyone told me I should have, have turned out to be rather boring and bland. Sure, maybe a little bit of pleasure was gained from some of these, but all of the hype that had been built up in my mind just kind of crumpled under the boringness of reality.
The worst thing to be disappointed in is another person. Putting your hopes in someone else only to soon have the realization that they didn't behave how you expected, or they let you down when you were counting on them, or they betrayed you, hurts badly. How have I come to deal with these disappointments? I am seeing more and more that there is somewhat of a complacency in my outlook on life. I don't look forward to things as much as I used to because I am afraid to let my hopes down. I don't think about things too much before they happen and I don't formulate ideas of what they should or shouldn't be. I've realized that building up unrealistic expectations of what you think will happen will only make the reality that eventually sets in, that much harder.
Now, I kind of just keep my eyes closed and let the future roll in at me so I don't know what coming until it hits me. Exciting? Maybe, maybe not, but at least I won't be disappointed when things don't turn out the way I think they should.
Monday, April 16, 2012
That One Random Person
I go to places. While I do have a variety in the places that I attend, once I am set into a schedule, I tend to not divert from the places that my schedule takes me very often. When going to work or school, I stand at the same bus stop at the same times with the same people on the same days, all going to their same places and all doing their same things.
After a routine has been established, I start to look at the people around me. I notice them, and particularly the ones that I see on a regular basis. The people whose daily or weekly schedules converge with my own at the same location and time. There is always the guy putting his bike on the bus at the same time that I get on, always the little mexican mom getting on the bus with her stroller and two kids, and always that girl who wears too much makeup and sits in the very back. I wonder about these people. Where are they going? What are their lives like? Are they interesting people, or boring people? What would they say if I talked to them?
It's interesting to think about the significant changes your life could experience if you were to walk to the bus stop 15 minutes earlier every day, and see different people, all going to their places of employment or education. A different set of people than the ones that you are used to. Sometimes I try to throw my schedule off during the week, just to see the different people that I see. Sometimes I'll run into someone that I know, or havn't seen in a while, and I find out that I was only missing them every day by a few minutes in the same location. Funny how converging and diverging occurs in our lives.
I also often wonder if I am that one random person in the life of someone else. The random guy always wearing his hoodie that they see everywhere, yet never have talked to. Are they curious about me, who I am and where I am going, or do I just get lost in the crowd?
After a routine has been established, I start to look at the people around me. I notice them, and particularly the ones that I see on a regular basis. The people whose daily or weekly schedules converge with my own at the same location and time. There is always the guy putting his bike on the bus at the same time that I get on, always the little mexican mom getting on the bus with her stroller and two kids, and always that girl who wears too much makeup and sits in the very back. I wonder about these people. Where are they going? What are their lives like? Are they interesting people, or boring people? What would they say if I talked to them?
It's interesting to think about the significant changes your life could experience if you were to walk to the bus stop 15 minutes earlier every day, and see different people, all going to their places of employment or education. A different set of people than the ones that you are used to. Sometimes I try to throw my schedule off during the week, just to see the different people that I see. Sometimes I'll run into someone that I know, or havn't seen in a while, and I find out that I was only missing them every day by a few minutes in the same location. Funny how converging and diverging occurs in our lives.
I also often wonder if I am that one random person in the life of someone else. The random guy always wearing his hoodie that they see everywhere, yet never have talked to. Are they curious about me, who I am and where I am going, or do I just get lost in the crowd?
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Knowing the Future
If you could pay to know the future, would you? No, I'm not talking about paying a palm reader to hold your hand and give you vague references to very generic life events. I'm not talking about listening to an astrologist predict your future by looking at the positioning of the stars and reading you a horoscope. I mean if there was a machine that could see into your future and show you exactly how your life was going to end up, would you take it? Or even better, if you could have a vision from God. Imagine a scenario where you knew that the future that was being shown to you was going to happen. Would the fact that you knew how your life was going to turn out ruin all of your experiences for you; would it be disconcerting or relieving?
What if you not only knew it, what If you knew that you could change it. If you saw something that you didn't like in your future, how would you go about changing it? Everything that happens has a huge effect on the future, so you could be, while trying to avoid a certain fate, hastening the future that you are trying to avoid. There are always the stories of those people in great power receiving a prophecy that their doom would be hastened by a certain person, so they go out of their way to try and eliminate this person, but by doing so turn the person against them, or put them in a situation that they might not had been in had they not taken the steps that they did. Oedipus. Harry Potter. A bunch more that I can't think of right now.
And what if you saw a future that you did want? Would you try to make that future come out like you had seen, or would you sit back, assuming that even through a lack of action, what you saw would still come to pass? What if the future that you saw was a future that you had to make happen, and inaction would cause it to disappear?
What if you saw a future that wasn't necessarily bad, but you thought that you could have a better one. Would you settle for a good to mediocre future, or take the chance for an amazing future, that also might fail horribly and leave you poor, alone, and wondering what went wrong?
People are often so concerned with getting things to "turn out right" that they forget to look around. They forget to stop and smell the roses.
Maybe that big black blurry thing called the future isn't really so important after all. Maybe the journey really is more important than the destination.
What if you not only knew it, what If you knew that you could change it. If you saw something that you didn't like in your future, how would you go about changing it? Everything that happens has a huge effect on the future, so you could be, while trying to avoid a certain fate, hastening the future that you are trying to avoid. There are always the stories of those people in great power receiving a prophecy that their doom would be hastened by a certain person, so they go out of their way to try and eliminate this person, but by doing so turn the person against them, or put them in a situation that they might not had been in had they not taken the steps that they did. Oedipus. Harry Potter. A bunch more that I can't think of right now.
And what if you saw a future that you did want? Would you try to make that future come out like you had seen, or would you sit back, assuming that even through a lack of action, what you saw would still come to pass? What if the future that you saw was a future that you had to make happen, and inaction would cause it to disappear?
What if you saw a future that wasn't necessarily bad, but you thought that you could have a better one. Would you settle for a good to mediocre future, or take the chance for an amazing future, that also might fail horribly and leave you poor, alone, and wondering what went wrong?
People are often so concerned with getting things to "turn out right" that they forget to look around. They forget to stop and smell the roses.
Maybe that big black blurry thing called the future isn't really so important after all. Maybe the journey really is more important than the destination.
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