I haven't really thought about it deeply until now, but I meet lots of new people. Lots. I mean, in my general, every day boring life I don't really meet that many new people, however, having worked at camps for the past few summers, I have met people from different areas of the country and even from different parts of the world. Not only has working at camps brought me into contact with lots of new people, but having foreign exchange students live with me has also introduced me to lots of new people that I definitely wouldn't have met under normal circumstances.
Over the time that we spent together, I have become excellent friends with many of these people. Not just activity partners that I would hang out with sometimes when I was bored. True Friends. The ones who felt you. You know the ones I mean.
But then it ends. Camp is over and everyone leaves. The semester ends and they go back to their country.
They disappear.
Poof. Oblivion.
At first you communicate a lot, and of course there is talk of meeting up again, but as time passes, whether or not communication is upheld and visits occur, the distance and lack of personal interaction dulls the relationship. They slip away. Even as hard as I try, and as hard as I can tell that they are trying, to still be friends, it doesn't work.
It is depressing to invest so deeply into someone and then have them simply plucked away to go back to wherever they came from before. All of the time we spent. All of the things we talked about. All the memories we share.
Gone.
I am left with an emptiness that nobody else I know can understand. Maybe an orphanage mother, whose children come, grow and leave without so much as a "thank you", even after all that love was given, understands what I go through.
It's almost like death. It seems pointless to even try if eventually they will leave. Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? Or perhaps eventually I become hardened by my continuous loss and have nothing left to give.
Yea, good friends are hard to come by. Holding onto the ones I have seems to be hard enough let alone finding new ones that are suitable replacements. You can't really ever replace someone who was a part of you.
Saying goodbye sucks.
A lot.
No really. It does.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Livinz Ez
I love these days. The ones where you don't actually remember what day of the week it is because its summertime. The ones where you wake up and head straight outside to eat your breakfast because it is so nice out. The ones where you don't actually have to wake up at any particular time. Sometimes I set my alarm anyway, just so I don't waste the day. The ones where you go play volleyball, then go home and take a nap only to go swimming in the pool a little while later. Or where you play frisbee for an hour then go to the beach, or go on a hike. The days filled with sun and naps. The ones where you want to go outside because it is so pleasant, but you know you will burn in an instant because of the previous hours. I love sharing them with the people I care about.
Too bad they wont last forever.
I can't wait until I retire.
Too bad they wont last forever.
I can't wait until I retire.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Maturity
Maturity is one of those measurements that is super vague. Usually one would say "He is very mature for his age", or "He is so immature"...but who exactly decides what is mature and what is not? Sure, maybe standing on your desk and yelling in the middle of class can be counted as immature--but other than outlandishly obnoxious things, who makes the call?
I think that Maturity isn't so much the actions that you do in certain situations, but a certain mindset that one attains as they age. Sure, certain actions can generally point to the overall maturity level of an individual, but everone, mature or not, has their mature, or immature moments--they can be more mature in certain situations than in others.
One way in which people show their maturity is by the responsibilities that they have and actually attend to. Responsibilities over items, situations, and people. Those who are more mature usually have their priorities set straight and will tend to those matters which require immediate attention above those which can be put off a little bit longer. No, this isn't one of my many ways in which I try to advocate procrastination--in fact procrastination can be seen as a sign of immaturity. Instead of putting off until later those things that need to be done in place of recreational activities, those more pressing matters are taken care of by the mature.
Another sign of maturity is the value that one places on ones morals and the upholding of said morals. Of course, I know some very "mature people" who don't have the strongest set of morals, but the morals that they do have are held in place by their maturity and they don't give up ground to the things that they don't beleive in.
The biggest sign of maturity is, for lack of a better term, non-insecurities. Children are afraid that people will outcast them; mature people aren't afraid to be judged.
They aren't afraid that other people will make fun of the way their physical bodies look--they realize there is no reason to be self conscious.
They aren't afraid that other people make fun of the types of people that they surround themself with, associating with the socially outcast is ok for a mature person.
They aren't afraid that other people will make fun of the people that they choose to be partners with, even if they aren't Brad Pitt and Jessica Alba
They aren't afraid that other people will judge the morals that they choose, and even hold out against peer pressure.
They aren't afraid that other people will judge the the activities and pasttimes that they partake in that may be socially taboo.
Mature people aren't afraid to say what is on their mind, and don't judge other people for the choices that they make.
A mature person doesn't care what other people think because they realize that what Dr. Suess said is true,
"Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter."
Friday, May 18, 2012
Subtext
Acting has brought me a lot of insight to life in general that I might not have seen if I hadn't taken it up. I've been thinking a lot about one thing in particular. Whenever playing a character, I not only have to keep in mind what my lines are, but what the lines of the other people are; more importantly, I have to think:
Why am I saying what is being said, and why am I reacting to other people's lines the way that I am?
In some plays, lines are just lines.
But lines are not just lines in every play.
I have to play what is going on in my character's life, and what is going on in the other character's lives--more often than not, the lines I am saying have nothing to do with what my character really wants to say. I am playing things that have yet to come, things that have happened already in the play, and things that the audience doesn't even know about, yet play a huge role in my character's behavior.
Listening to the subtext makes theatre so much more interesting.
I realized that in real life also though, I'm not saying the things that I want to say. Or doing the things that I want to do. I feel like an actor in my own life.
Why though?
People never really say what they mean or do what they want either.
Lines are not just lines.
You convert it automatically when you are in a conversation--subtext is often led by body language so you are not only interpreting the words they are saying but the movements they are making and the tone of their voice. Of course, some people are excellent at making their lines very ambiguous.
Life with subtext makes it so much more difficult.
I want honest people. People have turned life into a big game. You know the people that I mean. I don't want to have to read the subtext because it gets confusing to have to read and interpret everyone's different signs. Just tell me like it is and I'll be grateful. Not Finess-less, just straightforward.
Why am I saying what is being said, and why am I reacting to other people's lines the way that I am?
In some plays, lines are just lines.
But lines are not just lines in every play.
I have to play what is going on in my character's life, and what is going on in the other character's lives--more often than not, the lines I am saying have nothing to do with what my character really wants to say. I am playing things that have yet to come, things that have happened already in the play, and things that the audience doesn't even know about, yet play a huge role in my character's behavior.
Listening to the subtext makes theatre so much more interesting.
I realized that in real life also though, I'm not saying the things that I want to say. Or doing the things that I want to do. I feel like an actor in my own life.
Why though?
People never really say what they mean or do what they want either.
Lines are not just lines.
You convert it automatically when you are in a conversation--subtext is often led by body language so you are not only interpreting the words they are saying but the movements they are making and the tone of their voice. Of course, some people are excellent at making their lines very ambiguous.
Life with subtext makes it so much more difficult.
I want honest people. People have turned life into a big game. You know the people that I mean. I don't want to have to read the subtext because it gets confusing to have to read and interpret everyone's different signs. Just tell me like it is and I'll be grateful. Not Finess-less, just straightforward.
Mind and Body
It's funny, how your body reacts to your mental state. Well, not really funny--more often than not, simply annoying--but interesting nonetheless.
When I am happy, I smile
When I am angry, I flush and my throat clenches
When I get embarrassed, I flush and sweat
When I am scared, I sweat, my muscles tense and my pulse quickens
When I am excited my pupils dialate
When I am nervous, I sweat
When I am anxious, my stomach hurts
When I am disgusted, my stomach twists
There's another one that I have--I'm not sure if other people get it too, but when I brood, I get overly leghargic. My stomach feels like an empty void, even if I've just eaten; eating again doesn't help. I feel like I am going to vomit. It doesn't go away easily, usually I sleep it off.
Oh, and there's one more that combines all of these, yet is unlike any of these. Maybe thats the most important one.
When I am happy, I smile
When I am angry, I flush and my throat clenches
When I get embarrassed, I flush and sweat
When I am scared, I sweat, my muscles tense and my pulse quickens
When I am excited my pupils dialate
When I am nervous, I sweat
When I am anxious, my stomach hurts
When I am disgusted, my stomach twists
There's another one that I have--I'm not sure if other people get it too, but when I brood, I get overly leghargic. My stomach feels like an empty void, even if I've just eaten; eating again doesn't help. I feel like I am going to vomit. It doesn't go away easily, usually I sleep it off.
Oh, and there's one more that combines all of these, yet is unlike any of these. Maybe thats the most important one.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Sometimes Friends...
I know friends are there to help you out--the bad thing is, sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. I mean, I'm not talking about "friends" who do inconsiderate actions simply for self-benefit and constantly are doing things that don't help you in any way shape or form. I'm talking about true friends, people who really care about you, who just mess up a little bit. I mean, I hope my judgement is good enough for me to be consistently choosing friends who really are selfless in the long run...
But friends are people too, and people make mistakes. Sometimes friends, even in all of their good intentions talk too much, and in the end, turn out to be a discouragement, even that is in no way what they intended. They have good ideas and are really trying to help, but sometimes, even though trying to be an encouragement, they discourage you. They end up making stuff worse.
Hm, well, I guess its the thought that counts. I'll try to focus on that.
But friends are people too, and people make mistakes. Sometimes friends, even in all of their good intentions talk too much, and in the end, turn out to be a discouragement, even that is in no way what they intended. They have good ideas and are really trying to help, but sometimes, even though trying to be an encouragement, they discourage you. They end up making stuff worse.
Hm, well, I guess its the thought that counts. I'll try to focus on that.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Beauty
I see beautiful things everywhere. They are not necessarily the things that modern culture finds beautiful. I don't care.
It is beautiful when I hear two voices sing a melody and a harmony
It is beautiful when I see words flow together seamlessly on a page
It is beautiful when the peach tree blossoms
It is beautiful when the warm sand slightly sparkles on my skin
It is beautiful when the clouds cast their great shadows on the mountains
It is beautiful when I can see the details of the islands on a clear day
It is beautiful when I see some one's smile through their eyes
It is beautiful when a slight breeze rustles through the trees
It is beautiful when there is frost on the roof in the morning
It is beautiful when two musical notes fuse in a chord
It is beautiful when I cry because a story is so moving
It is beautiful when there are no buildings as far as the eye can see
It is beautiful when someone captures a moment with a camera
It is beautiful when the sky is darkened by clouds and the tumultuous sea whitecaps
It is beautiful when I jump in the pool on a hot day, then dry myself on the warm cement
It is beautiful when I clearly see the constellations at night
It is beautiful when I look out at a rainy day from next to a warm fire
It is beautiful when my friends tell me that I matter
It is beautiful when someone laughs at my joke
It is beautiful when I actually do stop to smell the roses
It is beautiful when I take the time to read and write
It is beautiful when I see a child giggle
It is beautiful when I see a dog's tail wagging
It is beautiful when I let my soul escape through art
It is beautiful when I grab a piece of fruit off of a tree as I walk by
It is beautiful when I finish a difficult task
It is beautiful when I sweat because I am working hard
It is beautiful when life isn't complicated, and I notice the simple things
It is beautiful when I don't care what someone thinks
It is beautiful when I wake up before sunrise
It is beautiful when I go to sleep at sunrise
It is beautiful when I have 10 choices of tea on a cold day
It is beautiful when the clouds cover the tips of the mountains
It is beautiful when the tips of the mountains peek through the clouds
It is beautiful when I see an old friend that I havn't seen in a long time
It is beautiful when I say goodbye, but know that we will still have a connection
It is beautiful when I cook a full dinner by myself
It is beautiful when I make myself a sandwhich for a midnight snack
It is beautiful when I keep on my uggs and pajamas the whole day
It is beautiful when I wake up no longer sick
It is beautiful when I take a nap in the sun on a warm afternoon
It is beautiful when I work as part of a team
It is beautiful when I climb rock formations
It is beautiful when I get to sleep in
It is beautiful when a ray of sun pierces through a cloud
It is beautiful when I see a massive jet flying by
It is beautiful when I see a butterfly foat in the breeze
It is beautiful when I see red roses and yellow roses and pink roses in a bunch
It is beautiful when I throw a frisbee and the wind carries it much further than I hoped
It is beautiful when I see two old people holding hands
It is beautiful when I see a cave so dark that I can't see
It is beautiful when I climb a tree
It is beautiful when I see a bird making a nest
It is beautiful when I hear a poet rhyme
It is beautiful when people applaude because they want to
It is beautiful when I see a rainbow in the sky
It is beautiful when I see a rainbow from the hose
It is beautiful when I smell a pine forest
It is beautiful when I see an amazing piece of art
It is beautiful when I see the mountains next to the sea
It is beautiful when I realize that there are so many things that I find beautiful, I can't even list them all.
Maybe life isn't so bad.
Beauty is not what people tell me is beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Find the things that are beautiful to you.
It is beautiful when I hear two voices sing a melody and a harmony
It is beautiful when I see words flow together seamlessly on a page
It is beautiful when the peach tree blossoms
It is beautiful when the warm sand slightly sparkles on my skin
It is beautiful when the clouds cast their great shadows on the mountains
It is beautiful when I can see the details of the islands on a clear day
It is beautiful when I see some one's smile through their eyes
It is beautiful when a slight breeze rustles through the trees
It is beautiful when there is frost on the roof in the morning
It is beautiful when two musical notes fuse in a chord
It is beautiful when I cry because a story is so moving
It is beautiful when there are no buildings as far as the eye can see
It is beautiful when someone captures a moment with a camera
It is beautiful when the sky is darkened by clouds and the tumultuous sea whitecaps
It is beautiful when I jump in the pool on a hot day, then dry myself on the warm cement
It is beautiful when I clearly see the constellations at night
It is beautiful when I look out at a rainy day from next to a warm fire
It is beautiful when my friends tell me that I matter
It is beautiful when someone laughs at my joke
It is beautiful when I actually do stop to smell the roses
It is beautiful when I take the time to read and write
It is beautiful when I see a child giggle
It is beautiful when I see a dog's tail wagging
It is beautiful when I let my soul escape through art
It is beautiful when I grab a piece of fruit off of a tree as I walk by
It is beautiful when I finish a difficult task
It is beautiful when I sweat because I am working hard
It is beautiful when life isn't complicated, and I notice the simple things
It is beautiful when I don't care what someone thinks
It is beautiful when I wake up before sunrise
It is beautiful when I go to sleep at sunrise
It is beautiful when I have 10 choices of tea on a cold day
It is beautiful when the clouds cover the tips of the mountains
It is beautiful when the tips of the mountains peek through the clouds
It is beautiful when I see an old friend that I havn't seen in a long time
It is beautiful when I say goodbye, but know that we will still have a connection
It is beautiful when I cook a full dinner by myself
It is beautiful when I make myself a sandwhich for a midnight snack
It is beautiful when I keep on my uggs and pajamas the whole day
It is beautiful when I wake up no longer sick
It is beautiful when I take a nap in the sun on a warm afternoon
It is beautiful when I work as part of a team
It is beautiful when I climb rock formations
It is beautiful when I get to sleep in
It is beautiful when a ray of sun pierces through a cloud
It is beautiful when I see a massive jet flying by
It is beautiful when I see a butterfly foat in the breeze
It is beautiful when I see red roses and yellow roses and pink roses in a bunch
It is beautiful when I throw a frisbee and the wind carries it much further than I hoped
It is beautiful when I see two old people holding hands
It is beautiful when I see a cave so dark that I can't see
It is beautiful when I climb a tree
It is beautiful when I see a bird making a nest
It is beautiful when I hear a poet rhyme
It is beautiful when people applaude because they want to
It is beautiful when I see a rainbow in the sky
It is beautiful when I see a rainbow from the hose
It is beautiful when I smell a pine forest
It is beautiful when I see an amazing piece of art
It is beautiful when I see the mountains next to the sea
It is beautiful when I realize that there are so many things that I find beautiful, I can't even list them all.
Maybe life isn't so bad.
Beauty is not what people tell me is beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Find the things that are beautiful to you.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Knowledge
I know a lot. Relatively. I like to refer to myself as the King of Trivial Information. I mean, sure, there are other people that know more than me--I can't really argue that, but I know tons of random fact that nobody really cares about.
Of course, ignoring the importance of the knowledge I have attained, what have I really learned of my own accord, and what has simply been shoved in my brain? I have taken a lot it at face value as pure truth without really questioning its validity just because it sounded reasonable and came from a place of authority. There are some things that I have been taught over and over again that I can verify. 2+2=4. Yup, got that one. Red and Blue make Purple. Grass is green. Dogs Bark. Plant leaves are made up of Cells. If you leave milk of for too long it will go bad. Fire will burn wood. There is such a thing as a Giraffe.
But what about the fact that Paper will Spontaneously combust at 451 degrees Fahrenheit? Even the fact that the world is round. We breath Oxygen. There are ~7 Billion people on earth. The speed of light is 186,000 Miles per second. The earth is 90 million miles away from the sun. Water boils at 212 Fahrenheit. Cats eat mice. J.R.R. Tolkien wrote The Lord of the Rings. If you boil water, it will be sterile. I have white blood cells that combat my system's invaders. Rattlesnakes and sharks, Zebras and Buffalo and countless other animals all exist, but I have never actually seen any of them--I still know they are real.These are all things that I know to be true, but not because I have experienced them--only because I have been told so by various trustworthy sources. Many people do know many of those facts, but how many of those people actually know them because they have gone and found them out for themselves? An extremely small percentage.
Who is to say that someone in the place of a trustworthy source couldn't simply make up random information and insert it into the system and laugh as people took it for truth without actually testing it's validity.
I guess the real question is--what do I really know because I KNOW it is true, and what do I know because other people have told me it is truth. I had a much harder time writing the first list than the second. I guess all my intelligence comes from other people's work. It all comes from generations of people figuring out stuff and telling everyone else so that the simple layperson didn't have to spend time figuring out mundane facts that may or may not actually be applicable to their every day lives. I guess I don't actually know that much. I'm just an information thief.
Of course, ignoring the importance of the knowledge I have attained, what have I really learned of my own accord, and what has simply been shoved in my brain? I have taken a lot it at face value as pure truth without really questioning its validity just because it sounded reasonable and came from a place of authority. There are some things that I have been taught over and over again that I can verify. 2+2=4. Yup, got that one. Red and Blue make Purple. Grass is green. Dogs Bark. Plant leaves are made up of Cells. If you leave milk of for too long it will go bad. Fire will burn wood. There is such a thing as a Giraffe.
But what about the fact that Paper will Spontaneously combust at 451 degrees Fahrenheit? Even the fact that the world is round. We breath Oxygen. There are ~7 Billion people on earth. The speed of light is 186,000 Miles per second. The earth is 90 million miles away from the sun. Water boils at 212 Fahrenheit. Cats eat mice. J.R.R. Tolkien wrote The Lord of the Rings. If you boil water, it will be sterile. I have white blood cells that combat my system's invaders. Rattlesnakes and sharks, Zebras and Buffalo and countless other animals all exist, but I have never actually seen any of them--I still know they are real.These are all things that I know to be true, but not because I have experienced them--only because I have been told so by various trustworthy sources. Many people do know many of those facts, but how many of those people actually know them because they have gone and found them out for themselves? An extremely small percentage.
Who is to say that someone in the place of a trustworthy source couldn't simply make up random information and insert it into the system and laugh as people took it for truth without actually testing it's validity.
I guess the real question is--what do I really know because I KNOW it is true, and what do I know because other people have told me it is truth. I had a much harder time writing the first list than the second. I guess all my intelligence comes from other people's work. It all comes from generations of people figuring out stuff and telling everyone else so that the simple layperson didn't have to spend time figuring out mundane facts that may or may not actually be applicable to their every day lives. I guess I don't actually know that much. I'm just an information thief.
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